|Alex DeLarge vs. Mayumi|
|Season 1, Episode 6|
|Air date||December 9, 2016|
|Written by||I'm Lynda|
|Directed by||I'm Lynda|
|Juggernaut vs. Tighten||Alisha Whitley vs. Penny Lent|
Alex DeLarge vs. Mayumi is a What-If? Death Battle by I'm Lynda. It features Alex DeLarge, the villain protagonist from A Clockwork Orange, and Mayumi the villain protagonist from the movie, Gun Woman.
Alex is looking for a good time...at someone else’s expense, while Mayumi is looking for revenge. They were made for each other!
Boomstick: When it comes to violence in the streets, there’re many of those that do it. And among those that do, their reasons are as varied as their looks.
Wiz: Take Alex DeLarge, a child of the streets. His reason is very simple – he loves it. Rape, battery, murder, it’s all good fun to Alex.
Boomstick: Or, take Mayumi, a Japanese girl that ended up on the mean streets, and it nearly destroyed her. Now, however, she wants revenge against those who wronged her before, and her justice is final.
Wiz: I’m Wiz, and he’s Boomstick.
Boomstick: And it's our job to analyze their weapons and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Wiz: Alexander “Alex” DeLarge has made a bit of a name for himself on the mean streets of...well, somewhere in England.
Boomstick: That’s right, with his system primed with drugs, Alex enjoys causing mayhem wherever he goes. Assault, rape, murder, it’s all a good time for Alex.
Wiz: While perhaps not formally trained in hand-to-hand combat, Alex has learned everything he needs to know for him and his fellow gang-members, his droogs, to face the other gangs that share the streets.
Boomstick: He carries a straight razor in his pocket, and a cane with a hidden blade in the handle. And when the spirit takes him, he does not mind challenging another gang to a fight.
Wiz: Like when Alex and his droogs chanced upon Billyboy and his gang in the middle of a rape. Alex and his three friends challenged the five members of the other gang to a fight, and proceeded to lay them all out.
Boomstick: That’s right, the word “fear” is not in Alex’s rather strange vocabulary, and there is no dirty trick that he will not sink to to get ahead.
Wiz: Alex never travels alone. Everywhere he goes, he makes sure that he is accompanied by his droogs – his partners in crime.
Boomstick: And while Alex is the brains of his gang, his droog Dim is definitely the brawn. Armed with a handy-dandy chain, Dim is always ready to break some heads, some bones, some glass, some anything.
Wiz: And then there are the others, Georgie and Pete. They know that there’s more to life than what they are doing, but they are always willing to follow Alex for some fun.
Boomstick: Yeah, they may have no dress sense whatsoever, but they do like having a good time. Cross Alex at your own peril!
Wiz: Mayumi must have a surname, but, sadly, no one seems to know what it is. Her story reads like a Victorian morality play. She got involved with the wrong type of man, and began a downward spiral of drugs and prostitution.
Boomstick: She was even human traffed...trafficted...traffided...sold as a sex slave from Japan to the United States.
Wiz: And there she hit rock bottom.
Boomstick: Her owner decided she wasn’t worth anything anymore, and sold her to the first buyer to come along with cash in his pocket.
Wiz: The buyer, however, wasn’t interested in her as a prostitute, and neither was he a Sir Galahad looking to lift her up.
Boomstick: It seems that this man had a score to settle with a particularly bad bad-ass, and he bought Mayumi to be the vehicle of his revenge.
Wiz: He cleaned Mayumi of her addiction, and then began to teach her the rudiments of killing another human being.
Boomstick: He had another strung-out young woman try and shoot Mayumi from about 50 feet to show her not to be afraid of guns, and then he sliced up the woman and forced Mayumi to watch the effects of blood loss and learn how long it takes a bleeding woman to die. This guy was a firm believer in showing, rather than telling!
Wiz: He taught her to be a marksman with a pistol, and brought in a martial arts expert to teach her how to kill opponents with her bare hands.
Boomstick: And when Mayumi was ready, this man, referred to only as “The Mastermind,” though “Psycho Head Case” would have been better, made his plans.
Wiz: He gave Mayumi a sort of anesthesia that made her appear dead, and then he broke down a pistol and surgically inserted it into her torso. He then had her body delivered to where the target was. Mayumi’s orders were simple. When she awoke, she had to break open the stitches, reassemble the gun, and then kill everyone in the building.
Boomstick: As if that wasn’t enough fun, he told Mayumi that she had 22 minutes to accomplish this Sirk dee Solly-el of blood, and then get out to where an accomplice would give her a transfusion.
Wiz: She not only accomplished her mission, but she came out carrying the target’s head as a bit of a memento.
Boomstick: Sheesh, and my ex-wife thought that *I* asked too much of her!
Wiz: Anyway, Mayumi is a formidable assassin. She has been trained to deal with pain, to handle blood loss, and to kill with guns or with her bare hands. She killed a very large male security guard by snapping his neck, and killed a bulletproof vest-wearing female security guard by shooting her between the eyes.
Boomstick: But, while Mayumi is good at what she does, she does have one weakness. You see, while she is highly trained, she is still rather inexperienced. So, it’s impossible to say how well she will handle new situations.
Wiz: Nonetheless, she is the Gun Woman, and what she knows is killing.
Boomstick: She’s cute, and deadly...and she doesn’t complain when set a difficult job. I like that in a woman!
Wiz: Yeah...Anyway, the combatants are set; let’s end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: Its time for a DEATH BATTLE!
The scene is a dark street in a dilapidated city in Northern England. A young Asian woman is walking along the sidewalk, her steps varying, as she walks around the piles of garbage. She is dressed in a white tank top and black pants, with a loose-fitting, over-sized sweatshirt over the top. Her eyes are on the debris-filled pavement in front of her.
Suddenly, as she passes before an alley, a pair of hands reaches out and grab her, pulling her into the alley. She is punched brutally in the stomach, and then her arms are each seized by a strong young man. She is shoved up against a wall.
Mayumi finds herself confronted by four young men. They are dressed in a bizarre uniform – white shirt and white pants, and what appears to be an athletic supporter over the pants. Each of the young men sports an incongruous looking black hat.
The leader of the men walks up to Mayumi and looks cheerfully at her face.
“But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and a lovely kittyyanky, make no mistake,” he says.
Alex takes a step back, and lets his eyes travel up and down his prey. “Very nice indeed,” he says, and then he peers back into her eyes. “It’s a long, lonely night, and me and my droogs are a looking for a bit of harmless fun.”
He turns to the man standing beside him. “Wouldst thou fancy a bit of the old in and out, old fruit?”
Alex seems to dance away from Mayumi, doing a sort of soft shoe on the cobblestones of the alley. Pete steps up to her, his bad breath tickling her nose. “Not the weepy sort of devotchka, eh? Well, Pretty Polly, if you are nice to us, we’ll be nice to you. Won’t we lads?” he asks looking at the two holding Mayumi’s arms, with a big grin on his face.
Mayumi looks back at Pete, her face devoid of emotion.
Alex dances behind Pete, and speaks into his ear. “I don’t think she likes you much, my droogie. No smiles for Pete from pretty young kittyyankies. Ha ha.”
Then Alex smiles and dances away. He begins to sing, ♪ “If you're blue and you don't know where to go to, why don't you go where fashion sits? Puttin' on the Ritz.” ♪
Pete glares after Alex, and then turns back to Mayumi. He punches her in the stomach, bending her over as much as the restraining hands allow. He grabs her head and slams it into the wall behind her, and then punches her stomach again.
After slamming her head into the wall again, he peers closely into her still emotionless eyes. “No smiles for Sir Pete, little bird?” he asks. “Well, I’ll give you something to smile about, shall I?”
Alex continues his soft shoe, seeming oblivious to what is happening behind him. ♪ “Dressed up like a million-dollar trooper. Tryin' hard to look like Gary Cooper. Super duper!” ♪
Mayumi looks Pete in the eye, and speaks to him in her native Japanese, <I have met monsters like you before...And I killed them. Now it is your turn to die.>
Pete smiles at Mayumi and says, “Nope, I slooshied all of that, but understood none of it.”
He looks down at her chest, and asks, “Let’s viddy what you’ve got here, shall we?”
When Pete grabs Mayumi’s chest, she quickly knees him between the legs, doubling him over. Using the fact that Dim and Georgie tightened their grip on her arms, she lifts her legs up, and knees Pete hard enough in the face to send him flying backward. Blood squirts from his broken nose.
Immediately, Mayumi stamps down hard on Georgie’s left foot, causing him to cry out and slacken his hold on her right arm. She wrenches it free of his grip, punches him in the ear, and shoves him away.
She turns to Dim, and sees that the large man has maintained his powerful grip on her arm, and won’t release it. So, she reaches behind her back, and pulls out her pistol. Thumbing the safety, she shoves the barrel under Dim’s chin. His face takes on a look of stupid surprise – a look it’ll hold for the rest of his life.
She pulls the trigger, sending a spray of blood and brains into the wall behind them. His lifeless body crumples to the ground.
“Look out, she’s got a pooshka!” Pete yells from his spot on the cobbles.
Mayumi turns towards the rest of the gang, just in time to see Alex’s stick crack down on her hand, sending the pistol flying.
Alex raises his stock for another blow, but before he can carry it through, Mayumi kicks him in the stomach, sending him flying away from her.
Georgie attacks, swinging his stick down towards her head, but she moves to the right in time, taking the blow on her left shoulder instead. She grabs the stick, and pivots on her left foot, pulling him off-balance, and sending him reeling across the alley. But, now Mayumi is holding his stick.
She turns to meet an attack from Pete, blood still flowing from his nose and onto his shirt. She parries his overhand blow to the left, kicks him in the right shin, and then leaps, kneeing him in the face and sending him backwards.
She turns towards Alex, in time to seem him toss something to Georgie. Georgie flourishes the object, which Mayumi can now see is a straight-razor. He flicks it open and swishes it through the air.
Before the men can attack her from two sides, she thrusts her stick at Georgie’s face, and leaps to kick Alex in the face, sending him back. When Georgie stashes in with razor, she drops her stick, and grabs the advancing arm. Using his own momentum, she pivots on her left foot, and drags him over her shoulder and throws him into the wall. He collapses to the ground.
Before she can turn, Alex crashes his stick against the back of her head, sending her into the wall above Georgie. Without turning, she kicks backward with her left foot and is rewarded by a pained grunt from her attacker.
She turns around, and is confronted by Pete, who uses his stick two-handed, pushing it into her neck, and pinning her to the wall.
Mayumi feels her air cut off, as the stick begins to choke the life out of her. Holding onto the stick with two hand she lifts up, and knees Pete in the stomach once, twice, three-times, before his grip on the stick slackens. She grabs his head, and rams it into the wall as hard as she can.
Pete collapses, but Georgie is up, and grabs her around the waist, trying to throw her to the ground.
Mayumi realizes that the three men will wear her down if she doesn’t end the fight quickly. She wasn’t trained in stick fighting; she needs her gun!
She turns up her right arm, and brings her elbow down on his head twice. Before he begins to collapse. Mayumi knees him in the face to throw him backward.
She scans the alley floor for her gun, but all she can see is the varied trash and waste scattered everywhere.
Alex pounces on her, placing the stick over her throat, and pulling, lifting her feet off the ground. Georgie surges up from the ground, and slashes with the razor, opening her sweatshirt. He slashes again, and again, cutting thin slices across her stomach.
In desperation, she kicks up, catching Georgie in the face with her boot. She slams her head back into Alex’s face, causing him to break the lock on her neck. She bends down, and flips him over her back and onto the alley floor. She quickly elbows him in the face before he can move.
She turns to Georgie who grabs her by the throat with his two hands. He lifts her up, and throws her to the ground. But, Mayumi has kept a hold of his right arm, drawing him after her. She wraps her legs over and around his shoulders and grabs her right leg and heaves.
Georgie strains, but suddenly there’s a cracking noise, and he drops limp.
Mayumi rolls over and find her pistol. She leaps to her feet, and looks around the alley. Pete is on the ground unconsious, with blood dribbling from his ears, and Alex is down on one knee looking up at her. He’s holding his walking stick behind his back.
As Mayumi advances on him, Alex tosses his stick away with his left hand, and looks up at her pleadingly. “Please, miss, don’t kill me!” he whines. “I didn’t mean any real harm. A little of the old in and out and we would have let you go! Please, miss, please!”
Before Mayumi can react, Alex suddenly surges up from the ground. Clenched in his right hand is the handle from the walking stick, from which projects a long knife blade.
Mayumi feels the knife pierce her stomach off to the side, and penetrate through to her back.
Alex smiles into her face and says, “Touched you last”
Mayumi grabs onto his hand with her left, and raises the gun to his forehead. His eyes go wide, just before she pulls the trigger. The explosion of the shot is followed by a squishy sound, as his brains and fluids burst of his head.
Alex falls to the ground, taking his knife with him. The pain of the knife exiting her body makes her gasp and stagger. She tries to staunch the bleeding with her hand.
For good measure, Mayumi staggers over to Pete, and fires a bullet into his head, making sure that he will bother no one ever again.
She moves to the mouth of the alley, slips the pistol back into the back of her pants, and pulls out her cell phone. She’ll have to have her contact take her to a hospital. A woman knifed in this neighborhood will attract no great attention, but a woman with a gun standing over four bodies will definitely make the police look long and hard at her.
Dragging her feet at each step, she turns and resumes walking up the dark and dirty street.
Boomstick: Ha! Beaten by a girl, what a group of wimps!
Wiz: Well, by any measure Mayumi was a formidable opponent. She was trained by the Mastermind to use her body as a weapon. To kill without mercy, and then take her weapons off of her opponents dead bodies.
Boomstick: And even more, he trained her to ignore pain, ignore blood loss, and fight on, maintaining her focus on killing her opponent.
Wiz: And while Alex and his friends were experienced fighters in their own sphere...
Boomstick: Their own what?
Wiz: ...they were just not equipped to handle a trained assassin like Mayumi.
Boomstick: Nope, no prison for Alex and company, they become just more statistics in the violence on England’s streets – unnoticed and unmourned.
Wiz: The winner is Mayumi.
Boomstick: Gun woman will return!
Next time on Death Battle! Sometimes you call someone a “walking army.” Well, that has never been truer than it is when we bring together two women who can make armies of themselves. It’s Alisha Whitley vs. Penny Lent, and Alisha Whitley vs. Penny Lent, and Alisha Whitley vs. Penny Lent...
Why This Fight?
I wanted to do a What-If Death Battle! that included Mayumi from the movie, Gun Woman. But, the question was, who should she fight? I did use the female martial artists Melinda May from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., and Emma Peel from the British Television show, The Avengers, but neither seemed right. You see, both are gym-trained, organization-oriented fighters.
Mayumi, on the other hand, is a street fighter. She’s not trained in the traditions of martial arts, but instead in how to overcome and kill opponents quickly and without mercy. As such, her opponent needed to be another street fighter, one without mercy, who would never hesitate to kill.
The name that immediately leaped to my mind was Alex, the main character from A Clockwork Orange. He’s skilled at fighting on the mean streets, using any dirty trick that will give him an advantage. Now, he may not quite be in Mayumi’s league as a fighter, but (at least before his falling out with them) he never travels alone. For his antics, he leads his droogs, who enjoy following him into any mayhem he decides on.
Personally, I think that it’s a good fit.
- Alex and his friends use an unusual selection of slang words. This particular way of speaking is called Nadsat, which was created by author Anthony Burgess, who was a linguist. Nadsat is largely a Cockney accent with a selection of anglicized Russian loanwords added in.