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Bayonetta vs Ursula
BvsU
Season 4, Episode 31
Vital statistics
Air date February 10, 2016
Written by Maxevil
Directed by Maxevil
Episode guide
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Bayonetta vs Ursula is a What-If? Death Battle.

Description

Sega vs Disney! When it comes to being the deadliest fighter, which witch is which?

Interlude

Wiz: Witches, types of magical people that come in various styles and using various spells.

Boomstick: And not all witches are ugly, some can be hot and sexy than even my ex-wife, like these two lovely witches we are pitting tonight! Bayonetta, the hot voluptuous Umbra witch...

Wiz: ...and Ursula, the obese sea witch.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Bayonetta

(Cue The Legend of Aesir)

Wiz: During a time before the 1400s, there were two different clans, one made of the light practitioning Lumen Sages, and the other yet different clan who practition on the dark are the Umbra Witches. These two clans lived in peace by working together, despite being somewhat enemies, because they need to keep all things in balance.

Boomstick: Then around March of 1411, a sage named Balder and a witch named Rosa fell in love with each other, they got laid to each other, and got themselves a little girl in Cereza.

Wiz: When this happened, the balance was deliberately destroyed causing them to go down the path of conflict that boils to the Clan Wars.

Boomstick: And despite that the Sages getting best efforts from Heaven's help, the witches were victorious in the end.

Wiz: Balder was the only Sage to survive the Clan Wars due to being exiled from the clan, but he rallied the human population to fearing the witches and their dark magic, launching numerous witch hunts that eventually killed most of them, with the exception of two of them, being Jeanne and Balder's own daughter Cereza, who was put to sleep for 5 centuries and awaken under the now known alias... Bayonetta.

Bayonetta: If you need to learn how to talk to a lady, ask your mum.

(Cue Mysterious Destiny)

Wiz: She is the Umbra Witch who is the bearer of the Left Eye, an ancient treasure that oversees the power of the darkness, and she is also known as the Angel Hunter when she uses her unique martial arts move of the Bullet Arts, in which she is equipped with a quartet set of guns, two to be held in her hands, and the other two guns strapped around her feet.

Boomstick: Wow, being able to shoot guns with your feet being strapped to them? That is my kind of woman of a voluptuous witch. Her signature guns include the Scarborough Fair guns and the Love is Blue guns. However, she has more weapons up her sleeve, there's the Onyx Roses, the Unforgiven, and even the Lt. Col. Kilgore.

Wiz: And when operating this kind of equipment, they usually push Bayonetta's magic to the limits, but can be charged to make the kill count. Not only does she use guns, she can be quite the swordsperson at times too, such as with Shuraba, the Salamandra, which is a quartet of chainsaw-like blades, and there is a beam sword called the Pillow Talk.

Boomstick: Now those are more than enough of a shitload of weapons to earn her the reputation of Angel Hunter; I wonder if she eats angels after she kills them? If so, then Pit, if you are reading this page, try and run and hide from her as much as possible.

Wiz: Of course, she doesn't always rely on her weapons to fight the many angels who hunt her down, cause like the many witches, Bayonetta can use magic to perform a number of supernatural abilities. Such as Witch Time, the power that causes time to slow down for a fraction of the normal pace, allowing her to bypass her foe's defenses and execute attack combos and other feats that are just impossible.

Boomstick: And whenever the moon is full, she can perform the Witch Walk, in which she can walk on the vertical surfaces with the slightest of ease, more than enough to make Spider-Man jealous.

Wiz: She also has the Wicked Weaves, an attack that can be executed to summon Infernal Demons, like in Bayonetta's case it's Madama Butterfly, by using her conduit made out of her hair, which her skin-tight suit is made of FYI.

Boomstick: Wow, a suit made of her own hair, to cover her big rack, big pussy ,and big ass; now I am going to get a boner eventually.

Wiz: Anyways, she can also unleash the Infernal climax, in which she has an amount of time to fill her demon gauge by the time the clock arm goes all the way aroung pointing back to the top, when it does happen a demon will appear and take care of the foe.

Boomstick: Like Gomorrah, a lengthy hair dragon with a roar that sounds like the trumpet of an elephant.

(Cue Riders of the Light)

Wiz: Though as much as she kills many of the angels in her reputation, she is quite cocky and arrogant in her own rights, but despite keeping her cool at times, she can be impatient when fighting foes who talk the talk instead of walking the walk.

Boomstick: But it won't matter, she is the witch that I would love to stick my dick into and maybe impregnate.

Wiz: In your dreams, Boomstick.

Bayonetta: Yours is a face only a mother could love, and one I could never forget. If only I could remember where from…

Ursula

(Cue Ursula's Intro theme from the movie)

Wiz: Ursula is a sea witch who was banished and exiled by King Triton from Atlantica for one particular reason.

Boomstick: Because she is a bitch who wants to try and take over the underwatervillage with iron fists and iron tentacles.

Wiz: And despite being an Octopid in the show, or what she is revealed in real life as the Cecaelia, which is a fictional underwater creature who is half female human and half octopus, she is actually the sister of King Triton; which also means that Ursula's overshadowed sister, Morgana, is also the sister of Triton as well.

Boomstick: And a perfect reason why she overshadows Morgana, Ursula is one obese yet hot sea witch with a bulging belly, a soft rack on her, and even her ass is so huge.

Ursula: You'll have your looks, your pretty face, and don't underestimate the importance of... BODY LANGUAGE, HA!

Boomstick: Wow, talk about a huge boner there, it makes me want to do this experimentation.

(Boomstick rewind the image to before Ursula shakes her butt in rhythm a few times with different butt shaking songs in respective order: "Booty" by Jennifer Lopez feat. Iggy Azalea, "Anaconda" by Nicki Minaj, and "Baby Got Back" by Sir Mix-a-Lot)

Wiz: Ahem, before you get more piggish, can we get back to the main topic here?

(Cue Unfortunate Souls instrumental theme)

Boomstick: Right, sorry, got carried away there.

Wiz: Sure, Boomstick, now even though she is obese, that isn't to say she is weak, she is quite rather strong, and even though it is not on the same strength level as that of King Triton, she is strong enough to throw a mermaid off of her with one arm, like she did to Ariel in the alternate ending to where Ariel herself hits a rock and becomes unconscious.

Boomstick: She can also use her tentacles to do the job by spinning around like a top toy and whacking anyone getting in her way.

Wiz: Despite her strength and physical attacks, she does rely on her magical powers and spells to get her fighting game on. But when she has possession of King Triton's trident, she gains more power, and not just the usual trident blasts and making whirlpools either.

(Cue the Wedding Crasher theme of the Little Mermaid)

Boomstick: No shit, she can also breath fire, lightning, and dangerous freezing bubbles at her foes like Spyro the Dragon, and like Andross, she can inhale her foes to her mouth and tries to bite anyone whose soul is unfortunate enough to be bitten.

Ursula: (after biting Sora) Euugh... Not very tasty!

Wiz: Ursula can be quite arrogant, manipulative, and sometimes when she strategizes, she sometimes have Flotsam and Jetsam, her two loyal hench-eels, to spy on her targets before putting her plan into action.

Boomstick: But that won't change the fact that you should not cross this fat bitch, if you know what's good for your unfortunate soul.

Ursula: Triton's daughter will be mine and then I'll make him writhe. I'll see him wriggle like a worm on a hook! (cackles as she transforms into Vanessa)

Intermission

IntermissionBvsU

Wiz: All right, the Combatants are set, let's end the debate once and for all.

Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!

Fight

It was almost sunset at a rocky shore beach, and then comes a glowing purple beam of darkness opening up, and coming out of the portal is a slender, yet voluptuous woman wearing glasses and her hair done in a beehive style, and she is donning what appears to be a black one piece swimsuit, as well as her pair of white evening gloves, as well as an item in front of her cleavage known as the Umbra Watch. Her name is Bayonetta.

Bayonetta: Strange that there are no angels hunting me down, but oh well, I could use a holiday, and this rocky shore on the beach is just the perfect location for a nightly moon tan.

But just as she was about to lay down and lunge at the beach, a pair of eels surfaced from the water, each having one white eye and one yellow eye that mirror each other, and when they were watching Bayonetta, the two yellow balls, each with Bayonetta in them form to make one and then appear to be a crystal ball, its owner that is watching her is revealed to be Ursula.

Ursula: Say that is not that little brat, it’s just some human. No, even better than a human, it’s a human witch. And what a fine trinket she has around her neck. Good thing I got Triton’s trident, too. But maybe I can work a deal for her to give me that trinket so I can rule Atlantica. (She cackles evilly as she prepares to meet the Umbra Witch).

(Cue the Shark Chase theme)

Meanwhile, back on the surface, Bayonetta then notices the eels watching her.

Bayonetta: (to the Eels) You do know that it is very rude for two creeps to keep staring at a lady, even if they are animals.

She then uses her hair to snatch them up to the surface as the eels scream in fear. When Ursula came to the surface to introduce herself, she sees in horror Bayonetta flirtatiously pulling some eel bones out of her mouth.

Ursula: FLOTSAM! JETSAM! My poor, precious poopsies!

Bayonetta: (noticing Ursula) Oh, were those two eels yours? Well, I will have you know that they should know better than to stare at a lady.

Ursula: You will pay for this, with that trinket around your neck, and maybe your voice.

Bayonetta notices Ursula’s evil scowl, stands up and using the conduit of her hair, turns her one piece swimsuit into a skin tight cat suit she is known for wearing.

Bayonetta: Not a chance, Grandma, the trinket stays with me, as for my voice, do you think it will replace yours? Your own voice is the one that only your mother would love, and one that I’ll never forget.

(Cue Red & Black)

Ursula is enraged and gets her spells ready, while Bayonetta gets her quartet of Love is Blue guns at the ready.

FIGHT!

Ursula starts with spinning around and trying to hit Bayonetta, but Bayonetta dodges in time and tries to fire bullets from her guns, only for the sea witch while she is stopping on the rocky shore near the water.

Ursula: Wow, your quite speedy, just like that wretched red haired mermaid, but can you deal with this?

Ursula fires homing bubbles from her mouth and they come at Bayonetta, but the Umbra witch uses her guns’ bullets to pop the bubbles at good accuracy.

Bayonetta: Looks like it’s time I bring in the swords.

Bayonetta then summons the Pillow Talk, and starts to charge at Ursula.

Ursula: Oh, no you don’t!

Ursula then head into the water.

Bayonetta: What’s the matter? Are you a chicken of the sea to accept your cuttings?

Ursula: Don’t be so sure!

Ursula then uses her tentacles to pull up the trident.

Ursula: Now prepared to be fried!

Ursula fires the trident using the electricity, but Bayonetta dodges it and takes to the skies.

Ursula: So you want to fly, huh? Well, How about I change this arena down to size?

(Cue Giant Queen Ursula’s theme)

Ursula then turns into a giant.

Bayonetta: A giant? That is nothing new.

Ursula then inhales a bit and starts to breathe fire at Bayonetta, who manages to dodge it in time.

Bayonetta: Looks like I will have to try and cut you down to size.

Bayonetta then uses the Pillow Talk to give Ursula a few slashes, and cut off a couple of her tentacles. Ursula then yells in pain.

Ursula: You insignificant little witch! How dare you strike me, time I had a little snack!

Ursula then starts to inhale heavily and sucking Bayonetta in, and no matter how fast Bayonetta was trying to fly she couldn’t get away from Ursula’s mouth, and by the time she was in there, Ursula tries to bite her, but is being blocked by Bayonetta herself who is using her Umbra witch strength to prevent the Sea Witch from shutting her mouth. Ursula then tries to use her tongue to try and make Bayonetta let go, after a couple of tries, Bayonetta lifts up her left heel and fires a couple of bullets on Ursula’s tongue, causing Ursula to screech in pain and Bayonetta to escape.

(Cue Let’s Hit the Climax!)

Bayonetta: Hey, if you think I am going to be your horderve? Think again! Though, I know someone who can make a supper out of you.

Using her Wicked Weaves, she summons Gomorrah via her hair, all while Bayonetta is in the nude but censoring her cleavage and her waist area with her running conduit powered hair.

Bayonetta: Bon Appetite, my baby.

As she points to Ursula, who is still suffering from being shot in the mouth, then Ursula herself gets her head chewed on, ripped off and eaten, same with the rest of Ursula until she is gone and Gomorrah gives out a roar in delight before disappearing. Bayonetta returns to the shore unharmed.

Bayonetta: That was quite the Holiday, maybe I’ll see my favorite stalker, Cheshire, and if I’m lucky that he is asleep, and even luckier that he won’t notice my scent, I’ll get a good serving of his love juices.

Bayonetta gives a victorious smirk as she places a lollipop in her mouth, opens the purple portal and leaves.

K.O.!

Results

(Cue Let's Dance Boys)

Boomstick: Yeah, Babe-o-Netta lives again! Don't fuck with the Umbra Witch, Sea Bitch!

Wiz: Ursula may have taken the magical powers category, but Bayonetta has managed to own everything else in her favor.

Boomstick: And if you think Bayonetta is weak herself, she was strong enough to prevent Ursula from closing her mouth with her in it.

Wiz: See, when a monster sized angel tried to eat her, Bayonetta managed to pull up of force of up to 800 gigatons of force to keep the mouth open and deliver a blow, Ursula is no mere acception, so after Bayonetta stunned the Sea Witch, she let out her Wicked Weaves to summon Gomorrah to finish the rest.

Boomstick: Bayonetta sure made sushi out of that poor unfortunate soul.

WinnerBayonetta

Wiz: The Winner is Bayonetta.

Trivia

  • This is Maxevil's seventy first Death Battle episode.
  • This is the second of Maxevil's Death Battles to have pop celebrity music in any part of the Death Battle, this time being the songs, "Booty", "Anaconda", and "Baby Got Back" in the analysis section for Ursula; the first is Pac-Man vs Crash Bandicoot.
  • This is the second time that Boomstick does some piggish activity in the fanon episodes of Maxevil's Deadth Battle lineup by replaying them, this time being about Ursula's butt; the first one is Rouge the Bat vs Lust.