Interlude[]
Wiz : Company mascots can be some pretty cool characters.
Boomstick : But these are... pretty dumb.
Wiz : Cool Spot, the Uncola.
Boomstick : and Pepsi Man, the... Pepsi Man?
Wiz : I'm Wiz and he's Boomstick, and it's our job to analyse their weapons, armor, and abilities to see who would win, a death battle.
Cool Spot[]
Note : The version used in this battle is from Cool Spot on the SNES.
Wiz: legends told of an ancient race of people, known as cool spots...
Boomstick : "Cool Spot?" Really?
Wiz : Ok, no. One day, 7UP had the genious idea of making the red dot on their bottles their mascot. This...thing...was the product.
Boomstick : It looks like a 4-year-old's shitty fanart...
Wiz : Whatever.... Cool Spots are rare creatures, that are almost never seen in public. As a result, a man named Wild wicked Willy decided to hunt these creatures using spot traps.
Boomstick : He managed to catch spot's friends, Spot, Spot, Spot, Spot, and Spot! Very creative naming.
Wiz : So, naturally, it's up to Cool Spot to save them.
Boomstick : Cool Spot can do lots of things, like, uh.... Jump?
Wiz : Don't forget, he can shoot 7UP out of his hands.
Boomstick : Laaaaaaaame!
Wiz : Well, the velocity at which he shoots the 7UP is actually pretty high, considering he can KILL things with it.
Boomstick : Yeah, but look at him! He like, a spec.
Wiz : You mean a spot. And while he is small enough to fit inside a 7UP bottle, he is actually quite durable, and managed to save his spot friends from Wild Wicked Willy.
Boomstick : still, a dot is a dot.
Wiz : Racist.
Boomstick : OH COME ON!
Wiz : Lastly, Cool Spot was able to stand firm on a bottle moving very fast, fast enough to make me puke, actually.
Boomstick : Today, I've learned to fear the uncola. Actually, the only thing I've learned is who not to ask for mascot ideas.
Pepsiman[]
Wiz: Not much is known about the Pepsiman, from where he came from to whether he's human, or something else.
Boomstick: He just appeared one day, covered in aluminum armour and wielding a can of Pepsi in his hand.
Wiz: Why he came, we don't know, but the world is much happier with him than without him.
Boomstick: Whenever somebody is in trouble, he comes to help with Pepsi in hand.
Wiz: He is a force of good, and like any other superhero, he has great powers.
Boomstick: Pepsiman has super-speed, allowing him to outrun trucks, trains, and even giant cans of Pepsi rolling down a hill. He can also dash for a super speedy fast move.
Wiz: Pesiman has some form of telekinesis, allowing him to instantly know when somebody is in trouble. He can also make people piss themselves by making them drink too much Pepsi.
Boomstick: Pepsiman is extremely durable, being able to take hits from cars three times in a row without stopping.
Wiz: While Pepsiman may be resilient, he is still able to be damaged.
Boomstick: Not to worry, when he gets hurt, he just drinks a bit of his own product and is as good as new.
Wiz: Pepsiman also has a few alternate forms, such as Wire Frame Pepsiman, a version of Pepsiman that is weaker, but less easy to see in a dark room.
Boomstick: Now, that form isn't that impressive. His best form, however, comes when he puts a yellow mask on his face, or lack there of. Lemon-Pepsiman has the power of delicious Lemon Pepsi, allowing anybody to refresh themselves with the sour, lemony taste.
Wiz: Pepsiman has also once fought in the Fighting Vipers tournament, meaning he knows how to punch, kick, etc.
Boomstick: With all of this talk, I could really go for a Pepsi...
Wiz: Boomstick! You know that we're not sponsored!
*Wall breaks down
Boomstick: Thanks, Pepsiman!
Wiz: Um... Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all!
Boomstick: *Sip* Sorry. IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!
FIGHT![]
Pepsiman is running back to the Pepsi Factory to refuel on Pepsi, when he notices a rival Soda Mascott, Cool Spot, trying to sneak in.
Pepsiman runs towards Cool Spot, and gets his attention.
FIGHT!
Pepsiman runs at Cool Spot, punching him a few feet backwards.
Cool Spot gets up, and begins shooting 7UP at Pepsiman.
Pepsiman dodges the shots, but doesn't notice Cool Spot jumping at him in time.
Cool Spot grabs on to Pepsiman's head, blasting 7UP into Pepsiman's face.
Pepsiman throws him off, and takes a sip of Pepsi to regain health.
Pepsiman then throws the rest of the can at Cool Spot, and it bonks his head.
Cool Spot is momentarily dazed, and Pepsiman runs in to kick him.
Cool Spot snaps out of it just in time to jump over the kick, starting a mid-air combo of punches and blasts of 7UP.
As Pepsiman stumbles back, he puts on a yellow mask, achieving his more powerful form, Lemon-Pepsiman!
Lemon-Pepsiman chugs down a can of Lemon Pepsi, fully replenishing his health.
Cool Spot runs at Lemon-Pepsiman, but his reaction time is much quicker than it was in his previous form.
Lemon-Pepsiman counters the upcoming attack, and unleashes a flurry of kicks with his powerful legs.
Lemon-Pepsiman then grabs a can of Lemon Pepsi, shakes it up, and opens it in the direction of Cool Spot.
The pressure rips right through Cool Spot, killing him instantly.
KO!
Pepsiman continues with his previous mission, refueling on Pepsi at the nearest machine.
Conclusion[]
Boomstick: *Siiiiiip*
Wiz: Cool Spot put up a good fight, but he just couldn't keep up with the Pepsiman.
Boomstick: Pepsiman is faster, stronger, and arguably smarter. Not to mention that Cool Spot's feats are... Stupid.
Wiz: The only thing that Cool Spot had going for him are his high-pressure 7UP blasts, but Pepsiman has survived getting hit by high-speed cars and trucks before.
Boomstick: There was just nothing that Cool Spot could Dew.
Wiz: The winner is Pepsiman.
