Cranky Kong vs Mr. Burns
Season 5, Episode 13
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Air date August 28, 2016
Written by Maxevil
Directed by Maxevil
Episode guide
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Ash Ketchum vs Nia Reptar vs Powdered Toast Man

Cranky Kong vs Mr. Burns is a What-If? Death Battle.


Mario vs Simpsons! which of these two elderly people will win victory before retirement?


Boomstick: Just when you think that seniors are very old, that does not necessarily mean they can't fight and sometimes kill, and these two popular old-timers in media history are who we are pitting.

Wiz: Cranky Kong, the grumpy grandfather of Donkey Kong...

Boomstick: ...And Mr. Burns, Boss of Homer Simpson. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Cranky Kong

(Cue the theme of Cranky's Lab from Donkey Kong 64)

Wiz: Now we know about Donkey Kong himself, but we also know that he has a grandfather who was once an illegal pet gorilla to Nitnendo's icon.

Boomstick: His name was Donkey Kong in the arcade version, but he currently goes by the name of Cranky Kong.

Wiz: And there is more to this ape than meets the eye as he does more than throw barrels.

Boomstick: No shit, as he does use beehives to make angry bees go after the falsely accused foes of his.

Wiz: He also uses his cane at times.

Boomstick: But only in the same style of Scrooge McDuck in the DuckTales video games, and he is also quite the jet-barrel aviator for a simian grand-pappy.

Wiz: But he is also quite the scientist in which he makes certain potions, like in one cartoon episode he makes one in which the ingredients include Macaroni and Cheese, Jelly Beans, Cat's Cradle, Chocolate Syrup, Ground Grass, Dehydrated Cookie Batter...

Boomstick: And the special ingredient to Cranky's concoction known to man... Yo-yo's.

Wiz: This potion does grant Cranky to be 4 decades younger, but the effects of the potion only lasts for a certain amount of time before the they wear off, which is totally different to the potions he give to the Kong quintet themselves in Donkey Kong 64.

Boomstick: But hey, at least he knows how to make some accomplishments back in his days, as long as he doesn't throw out his back that is.

(Cranky gives out a pair of sample punches, then gives a sample kick but accidentally breaks his back in the process making him land on the side before the current Kong returns to the ring to fight King K. Rool again)

Mr. Burns

Wiz: We know that Mr. Charles Montgomery Burns is one of, if not, the most iconic villain of the Simpsons franchise in spite of being the boss of Homer Simpson.

Boomstick: Being a rich, greedy old douchebag, he usually has to rely on certain things to do certain shit on because of his weak appearance.

Wiz: So why did we even have him in this fight, Boomstick?

Boomstick: Well, in case you forgot the arcade version of the Simpsons, and yes it does exist, he fights in his giant nuclear robot like Dr.'s Eggman and Wily. This baby is not only capable of more than just strength, just basically like Krang's robosuit.

Wiz: Oh yeah, that's right, thanks for the reminder Boomstick.

Boomstick: My pleasure, sidekick.

Wiz: Anyways, as the real sidekick said, the robot is more than just capable of strangth, it can eject missile-like bombs from the belly area, and is equipped with three different form of active movement.

Boomstick: Which is the basic standard legs, and when they break off, then there is the tank treads, and last but not least, there is the thing that looks like my old raft to do illegal fishing.

Wiz: Its other weapons of choice include missiles, lasers that can be fired from the joints of its arms, and even unpredictable pincers that can make crustaceans rather jealous.

Boomstick: Gimme, gimme, gimme.

Wiz: So even though there were moments where Mr. Burns has shown his good side at times, we still can't help but remember him as one of the Simpsons villains.

Boomstick: Alonside Sideshow Bob and guest villain, Hank Scorpio.

Mr. Burns: Who did this to my wall?

Homer Simpson: (points at Frank Grimes) He did.

Mr. Burns: Is this true?

Frank Grimes: Well, uh, technically it is true, sir, but...

Mr. Burns: (coldly) Come with me.

Homer Simpson: (whispering to Grimes) He likes you.



Wiz: All right, the combatants are set, let's end this debate once and for all.

Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!


(Cue the Kong House theme song from Donkey Kong Country)

We open up to a jungle, then comes to view is a tree house with a familiar grumpy simian rocking on his rocking chair in peace, not having to deal with his grandson and great grandson bothering him this time around.

(Cue the Frantic Factory boss theme from Donkey Kong 64)

But then he hears a strange sound and thinks that King K. Rool, Tiki Tong, and Lord Frederick have set aside their differences to attack the kongs, but it was neither of them, instead it was a new enemy who is a yellow colored vulture like man in a robot named Mr. Charles Montgomery Burns.

Mr. Burns: Excellent, this will work as a new place to get some furs.

Cranky thinks to himself, "Perhaps I will get my chance this time around and be a star like in the old days."

(Cue the final boss theme from McDonald's Treasure Land)

Cranky then Pogo on his cane to fight Mr. Burns.


Cranky jumps onto the glass dome part of the robot suit and manages to make a crack, but then Mr. Burns grabs the former villain of Mario using one of his robotic arms and throws him off, but the ape lands on his cane's tip in the nick of time, then Mr. Burns unleashes lasers from the arm joints of his robot suit, but Cranky dodges it using his cane to dodge the lasers puts it away in exchange for one of his potions and drinks it, and much to Mr. Burns' surprise, Cranky is 40 years younger again, and grabs the Robot by the legs and tears them off. But Mr. Burns is determined to stop the ape and decides to unleash his robot's tread wheels. And then the old vulture-like man launches missiles and bombs at Cranky, but the ape is young enough to be agile and dodge them while tossing some TNT barrels at the robot, which then destroys the treads of the robot, which cause Mr. Burns to unleash the raft part of the Robot and then Cranky decides to use a Bee Hive as a weapon, but when he arrived to the hive, the effects of the potion that Cranky had taken had wore off, which caused Mr. burns (who has an evil smirk on his face) to use his pincers from his robot, but Cranky dodges it causing the pincers to accidentally knock over the hive causing bees to come out in anger and start to try stinging the robot but only to have one of them to successfully pop the raft part causing it to deflate, but behind Mr. Burns' back is Cranky Kong's switch , which the grumpy ape himself lands on and then jumps out of the way, and a good reason because a rolling stampede of TNT barrels were coming at hit the robot causing big explosions to destroy it, and leaving Mr. Burns laying on the ground on his front and just when he tries to get up, he is then impaled in the back by Cranky Kong's cane with the grumpy ape on top of him.



(Cue the intro theme from Donkey Kong Country: Tropical Freeze)

Boomstick: Wow, who knew that old ape still has it in him.

Wiz: Now this is a now brainer, as Cranky is just too unpredictable for Mr. Burns, especially when he had his rejuvenation potion and switches from the cartoon as well as his barrel throwing skills and cane jumping skills from his games.

Boomstick: Yet, this is still one hell of a fight for everyone of all ages to remember.


Wiz: The Winner is Cranky Kong.


  • This is Maxevil's Ninety-Fourth Death Battle.