DK Crew Battle Royale (Maxevil)
Season 3, Episode 16
Vital statistics
Air date April 10, 2015
Written by Maxevil
Directed by Maxevil
Episode guide
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Lex Luthor vs Kingpin (Crossover with Blippeeddeeblah) Disney Heroes Battle Royale (Maxevil)

The DK Crew Battle Royale is a What-if Death Battle.


Donkey vs Diddy vs Lanky vs Tiny vs Chunky! Which kong from the hit game for Nintendo 64 is the prime primate?


Wiz: Donkey Kong is Nintendo's most iconic ape.

Boomstick: ...and he has more members in his crew than you could eat a banana at.

Wiz: But for this Death Battle Royale, we will Pit him, Diddy Kong , and the 3 other kongs from his Nintendo 64 adventure against each other.

Boomstick: Those other three being Lanky Kong , an ape version of Pennywise, Tiny Kong , the monkey with helicopter ponytails, and Chunky Kong , the biggest crybaby of the crew.  He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Donkey Kong

Wiz: Donkey Kong is the leader of the DK Crew.

Boomstick: He is the grandson of Cranky Kong who threw barrels at Mario, but is still a good guy in his own rights.

Wiz: He is usually upset when some Kremlings, Tikis, or Snowmads tend to take his precious bananas; so he embarks on an adventure to get them back and defeat the villains who stole them in the first place. He does usually rely in his brute strength to accomplish the impossible.

Boomstick: Like punching the moon out of orbit, damn it.

Wiz: However, he has got some power-ups to help him out like his Coconut Shooter that launches coconuts.

Boomstick: And he has his Crystal Coconut powered upgrade known as the Strong Kong, which makes him invincible.

Wiz: If you don't to face his wrath, leave his bananas alone.

Donkey Kong: Banana-Slamma!

Diddy Kong

Wiz: Diddy Kong is the first sidekick of the DK Crew.

Boomstick: Isn't he also Donkey Kong's Nephew?

Wiz: Yes, after all Donkey Kong is literally a monkey's uncle, anyways, Diddy may have been first imprisoned in a barrel by the Kremlings in his debut, but he has played an important role in the series.

Boomstick: And he has got his own racing game that also stars our favorite honey of a bear back then.

Wiz: Diddy is capable of using his peanut popguns to shoot his opponents down, which make absolute no sense cause peanuts don't tend to (notices Diddy's Peanut explode on contacting Little Mac) WHAT?!

Boomstick: And if the Popguns aren't enough, he can do so in an aerial sort of manner by sporting an awesome Jetpack to fly around, that is so cool, that I want one of those.

Wiz: Diddy may be the size of your typical average six year old, but with this type of equipment, he is one tough kong.

Diddy Kong: Hey, I can see my reflection; Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! (chuckles)

Lanky Kong

Boomstick: That is one creepy ass clown of an ape there.

Wiz: That clown ape is Lanky Kong.

Boomstick: Looks like a rip-off of Ronald McDonald if you ask me.

Wiz: While despite his clownish appearance, this kong is quite a fighter when necessary due to his elasticity and weapon, the Grape Shooter, a type of gun that functions similarly to the schoolhouse weapon, the paper-ball shooter.

Boomstick: Like grapes can have any effect.

Wiz: He can also be quite the speedster with his Orangstand Sprint as long as he has enough crystal coconut power.

Boomstick: I hope he doesn't win.

Lanky juggles four orange grenades, tosses them in the air and opens his mouth to catch them, only to find them gone already.

Tiny Kong

Wiz: Tiny Kong is the smallest member of the DK Crew, as her name implies.

Boomstick: And that is long before Tiny Kong grew to a very hot and sexy monkey. So much hotter than my ex-wife.

Wiz: Anyways, Tiny Kong is also given that name due to her ability to become as small as a mouse.

Boomstick: Well that is not useful.

Wiz: Unless, it's to help accomplish some tasks that may require small characters. And she also wields the feather bow which fires feather.

Boomstick: Oh, come on, is there no better weapon for her than those.

Wiz: Afraid not Boomstick, however, she can still be a dangerous kong if you let your guard down.

Tiny Kong: Woo-Hoo! Yehaw!

Chunky Kong

Wiz: And now we have come to the last member of the DK Crew, Chunky Kong.

Boomstick: And man he is one hell of a guy, how many sandwiches did this guy eat to get this way?

Wiz: Doubtful on the Sandwiches, Boomstick; however, Chunky's size can make him somewhat as strong as Donkey Kong, maybe even stronger.

Boomstick: Well, at least he carries a Pineapple Launcher, a type of Bazooka that fires Pineapples with certain power.

Wiz: Plus, as his name implies, he can change size like Tiny Kong, except he becomes bigger.

Boomstick: Look out, King Kong, you got some competition.

Wiz: There is one weakness however, he is a coward in which he is afraid of heights.

Boomstick: What a baby.

Wiz: But he'll put his cowardice aside to help his fellow kongs out.

Chunky plays a tune on a triangle.


In a Battle arena from Donkey Kong 64 but surrounded by spikes, the five Kongs get in their fighting positions.


Tiny Kong pulls out her feather bow and starts to fire, but Lanky counters it with his grapes, Diddy fires his Peanuts at Donkey and Chunky, but the two brutish kongs use their cocnuts and pineapples to counter the peanuts, and a cocnut hits Diddy to push him off, but Diddy activates his jetpack and starts to fly. Then Chunky turns to a big size, while Donkey starts to use his Strong Kong, Lanky gets super fast, and Tiny changes size too. Unfortunately for Tiny, she became small, thus she was stepped on to death bt Chunky as the four male kongs fights each other, until Chunky Runs through Lanky Kong, pushing him back until he is impaled by a spike. Then Donkey Kong Jumps high enough to punch Chunky with a powerful blow, thus decapitating him, then he jumps off of Chunky's Headless body, and Grabs Diddy by the back causing Diddy to lose his jetpack and the land on the ground, and Donkey Kongpunches diddy so hard below his belt that Diddy covered his groins in pain Donkey Kong slaps Diddy to the spike where Diddy gets impaled.



(Cue the opening of Donkey Kong Country)

Boomstick: Talk about Banana-Slamma!

Wiz: While Chunky surpassed the other Kongs on strength, Donkey Kong has been on more adventures and learn a lot more moves compared to the other kongs.

Boomstick: Not to mention that he once punched a moon to a volcano.

Wiz: Right, as it was even powerful enough to decapitate the giant Chunky Kong as well.

Boomstick: And since he slapped Diddy, it had to hurt.


Wiz: The winner is Donkey Kong.


  • This is Maxevil's thirty-fourth Death Battle.
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