| Dan VS Goomba | |
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| Season 1, Episode 7 | |
Vital statistics
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| Air date | January 2016 |
| Written by | Pokemon Trainer Lion |
| Directed by | Pokemon Trainer Lion |
Episode guide
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| Previous | Next |
| Pokèmon Protagonist Battle Royale(LionKeybladeWielder) | Mewtwo vs Ganondorf |
Dan Hibiki vs Goomba is a What-if episode of Death Battle
Description[]
Nintendo vs Capcom!Who is the worst buttmonkey?
Interlude[]
Lion:Suckers.They,let's face it,suck.
Boomstick:Dan Hibiki,infamous inventor of the Saikyo Arts.
Wiz:And the Goomba,Bowser's weakling of a dumbass walking minion.
Lion:Well,here we go...battle of the suckers.
Dan Hibiki[]
Wiz: Created to make fun of SNK's rip off characters, Dan was always not supposed to be taken seriously.
Boomstick: Dan is easily the worst Street Fighter ever, his moves are just crappy knockoff versions of Ken and Ryu's moves, minus the taunting.
Wiz: However, unlike Dan, his father, Go Hibiki, was actually a trained fighter and was a pretty good fighter. Go had created a dojo and was doing good until Sagat showed up.
Boomstick: Sagat challenged Go to a fight, and they were neck and neck in the fight.
Wiz: Until Go went Mortal Kombat on Sagat and kicked his eye out, making Sagat wear that eye patch that he does.
Boomstick: Oh, I always thought that he was pirate.
Wiz: Boomstick!
Boomstick: Anyway, after kicking his eye out, Sagat brutally killed Go right in front of Dan's eyes.
Wiz: On that day forward, Dan swore vengeance against Sagat, and found a dojo in Japan.
Boomstick: There, he met Gouken, the same master who taught Ryu and Ken and was brother of Akuma.
Wiz: Gouken taught Dan for a very short time, and when Gouken found out Dan's true motives, he expelled off the spot.
Boomstick: Dan was pretty AWFUL and if I were Gouken, I'd do the same.
Wiz: After being expelled, Dan created his own AWFUL style of fighting called the Sakiyo Arts, which is a combination of Muay Thai and the little he learned from Gouken.
Boomstick: Dan eventually found Sagat and beat him.....but it was because Sagat let him out of guilt.
Wiz: He founded his own dojo, and taught many unfortunate souls there. One of them happened to be Sakura, who easily mastered Dan's style in just three days, not before scrapping it away like trash and calling Dan a loser.
Boomstick: Dan has many horrible moves, but we'll go over them anyway. The Gadoken is a short ranged fireball that will almost always miss. Dan can upgrade it to Shinku Gadoken, but that's as powerful as a normal Hadouken.
Wiz: The Koryuken is an uppercut which can knock foes out of the air. It's pretty much a rip off of the Shoryuken.
Boomstick: The Dankukyaku is pretty much Dan's middle finger to gravity. He can fly in the air and use three rapid kicks, but they aren't very strong. It's like a Dollar Store version of the Tasumaki whatever.
Wiz: He also has autographs that he can throw as weapons. He signs one and throws it at his foe.
Boomstick: But Dan's most famous feature is his nonstop taunting. Dan is a MEGA troll and can easily piss off his foe with it.
Wiz: Dan can also upgrade this to his most worthless move yet, the Legendary Taunt, a move SO bad it makes his foe stare in awe as being the most worthless and most pathetic thing they're ever seen.
Boomstick: But Dan has some accomplishments, like soloing a group of ninjas BY HIMSELF, or being able to survive getting ran over by a bike.
Wiz: He can get quickly after being beat down, and is shown capable of accessing the Satsui No Hado, which Akuma is now possessed by. He attempted to use the Raging Demon on Sakura, but tripped over a backpack and lost the power quickly.
Boomstick: Dan is a clutz, a numbskull, a weakling, his fighting style sucks, and he almost always loses. But Dan shows that manly men wear pink, even though he sucks.
Dan: "I hope you're ready for a beating!"
Goomba[]
Wiz:Originally the more dumbass people of the Mushroom Kingdom,Goombas left for Bowser and betrayed the Mushroom Kingdom.Well...let's just say that was a bad mistake.
(Mario stomps a Goomba)
Lion:They SUCK!
Boomstick:I kinda agree.Useless fangs they never use,walking slowly from side to side,and so stupid.FUCK THIS!I don't wanna analyse-
(A pulling noise is heard,followed by Boomstick's grunting)
Wiz:Boomstick,you're gonna get fired!Yeesh,Craig May make that guy replace you!
Fat Man with a donut:What?
Lion:Get out!
(Fatman walks out)
Wiz:Ahem...Anyway,the Goomba isn't just a sucker.They can still sprout little wings and become Paragoombas.They can then drop their offspring at you.
Boomstick:Grumble...
Lion:Hey,cheer up,man!
Boomstick:Easy to say for a guy who just popped straight out of a video game...Pffft...Sora...
Wiz:Anyway,am I the only one doing this?
Boomstick:Fine...
Lion:The Goombas aren't just that,though.With a Super Mushroom,Giant Goombas split in two when attacked.
Boomstick:The Karibo's Boot squashes anything and everything until the Goomba is thrown off,and they can use baseball bats.
Lion:Otherwise,well...they SUCK!They've got guts,but one squash and those dumbasses are dead!Cat Goombas may be able to do a Cat Dive,and Tanoogoombas Tail Spin and glide,but they suck!
Wiz:At least they can combine powerups.
Boomstick:They still suck cocks,Wiz.You agree,Lion?
Lion:Fuck yeah!
(A Goomba dies to Mario)
Pre-Death Battle[]
Wiz:All right,the combatants are set,let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick:It's time for. DEATH BATTLE!
Death Battle[]
LionKeybladeWielder[]
Dan is shown practicing the Legendary Taunt in front of the Mushroom Kingdom Castle,when a Goomba spots him and,offended,tries to headbutt him.
Dan:Hey!You will face the wrath of the Saikyo Arts!
FIGHT!
Goomba puts on the Karibo's Boot,Super Mushroom,and Wings.
Dan punches the Goomba,and the boot disappears.
The Goomba pulls out a baseball bat and whacks Dan twice,then swings a third time with full force.
Dan falls off the cliff.
Dan:Watch it,you mushroom!
Goomba jumps of the waterfall and begins spraying his offspring all over Dan,but Dan roars like a retarded animal.
Dan:Gadouken!
The weak blast just barely kills the mini Goombas.
Dan:Koryuken!
The Goomba loses it's wings,but turns into a Cat Goomba.It then does a Cat Dive on Dan.
Dan:Fuck this!DANKUYAKU!
The entire attack misses the Goomba.
Dan:Ehhhh...Oh,I know!Yaa!Oooyah!
He does the Legendary Taunt!The Goomba watches confused,but Dan then punches his face,reverting him to normal,then chucks and autograph at him.The Goomba dies,but the other one from being a Giant Goomba knocks him over,turns into a Tanoogoombas,then turns Giant.
Dan:AHHHHH!
The Goomba repeated Tail Spins on Dan,until-
Dan:I.CANT.DISAPPOINT.FATHER!
He kicks the Goomba into the air,then performs the Raging Demon on him when he lands.
K.O.!
Dan returns to normal huffing,while a squashed Goomba is shown dead next to him.
Shrek-it Ralph[]
Dan is promoting the Saikyo Style in the Mushroom Kingdom when suddenly a Goomba comes near and hits him in the leg.
Dan: Hey, what was that...aw, you're so cute!
Dan pets it but the Goomba bites his hand.
Dan: YAOH! Ok, you're so going down!
FIGHT!
Dan shoots a Gadoken, but the Goomba jumps and headbutts Dan. Dan takes the blow and kicks the Goomba like a football back. The Goomba gets up and sprouts wings and fires babies at Dan.
Dan: Ow! Why are you throwing your children at me!
Dan hits the Goomba with a Koryuken, launching it into the air. Dan then does a Dankukyaku, knocking the Goomba down.
The Goomba gets up and puts on the Goomba Shoe and starts stomping on Dan until Dan throws the shoe off of him.
Dan: You're getting annoying!
Dan fires a Haoh Gadoken, knocking the Goomba down. Dan then tries to tackle it, but the Goomba dodges and leaps on Dan.
Dan: Get off of my back, you little mushroom poop thing!
Dan knocks it off causing the Goomba to stumble. It then puts on the Cat collar and becomes Cat Goomba.
Cat Goomba then flies at Dan, knocking him down. He does this a few times before Dan uses Saikyo Defense, countering the attack. Dan then kicks the Goomba down.
Dan: Behold my Ultimate attack!
Dan starts doing the Super Taunt, where he makes weird grunts and says stuff like "Don't underestimate me!" and "I'm awesome!"
Goomba stands there and swipes Dan with his tail just as he finishes, causing Dan to get angry.
Dan: Alright, fool! You've made me VERY VERY ANGRY!
Dan then succumbs into the Satsui No Hado and gives the Goomba a menacingly yet dumb grin.
The Goomba tries to run, but Dan catches up to it with the Raging Demon, causing Goomba's soul to get annihilated.
KO!
Dan: I DID IT FATHER! I WON!
Dan then went back to his dojo with minor injuries.
Conclusion[]
LionKeybladeWielder[]
Lion:WHAT?!!!DAN WON SOMETHING?!!!
Boomstick:OH SHIT?!!!
Wiz:Dan actually had feats.And the useless attacks that the worst Street Fighter ever had just barely were able to put down the Goomba.
Lion:Dan was smarter,and combining powerups didn't help much.
Boomstick:This mushroom motherfucker is just worthless,but Dan still battled and survived Blanka's electrocution and being slashed.The Goomba was crippled fighting.Squished once again.
Wiz:The winner is...*sigh*Dan Hibiki.
Dan:Woohoo!
Shrek-it Ralph[]
Boomstick: HOLY SHIT DAN WON! IT'S A MIRACLE!
Wiz: While the Goomba had a larger arsenal and more experience, that's all he basically had. Dan may suck compared to the SF universe, but compared to someone like us, he'd be as powerful as Bruce Lee.
Boomstick: Yeah, and considering how Goombas are dumb fucks in the battlefield. All they do is charge at the foe! Dan may be weak, but he isn't dumb, so he could easily counter these with moves of his own.
Wiz: Plus, Dan is way more durable. He has been electrocuted, knocked through a building, strangled, scraped and was clobbered by both Ryu and Ken and survived with minor injuries.
Boomstick: Looks like Goomba was SaikyOWNED!
Wiz: The winner is Dan Hibiki
Trivia[]
- This is the first time Dan has ever won on this wiki.
Next Time[]
LionKeybladeWielder[]
Mewtwo laughs.
Ganondorf laughs back.