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Deadpool vs Conker the Squirrel
DPvsCTS
Season 4, Episode 14
Vital statistics
Air date September 3, 2015
Written by Maxevil
Directed by Maxevil
Episode guide
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Traitor Battle Royale Mario vs Fox McCloud

Deadpool vs Conker the Squirrel is a What-If? Death Battle.

Description

Disney vs Microsoft! Which potty-mouthed fourth wall breaker will break their opponent?

Interlude

Wiz: Combatants we do have some amazing surprises.

Boomstick: Some of them tend to break fourth wall at any fucking time like these two mature-themed guys.

Wiz: Deadpool, the merc with a mouth...

Boomstick: ...and Conker, the chocolate eating squirrel. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Deadpool

Wiz: Wade Wilson was once an average Joe trying to become the next superhero.

Boomstick: But then he got diagnosed with cancer that ruined everything including having a chic he could have gotten for a wife.

Wiz: He then went to the X-program in Canada in which he gets the serum that was used on Wolverine and Sabretooth; but then put his own life at stake on escape in a game of Deadpool and succeeded in which he gained strength, speed, and stamina along the way.

Boomstick: And he was known by his former cellmates by this point on as 'Deadpool'.

Deadpool: That's right, Boomstick, so don't wear it out.

Wiz: Oh, no.

Boomstick: Not again!

Deadpool: Well, it's nice to see you, too. Just continue talking about how awesome I am.

Wiz: Oh boy, well, as you would expect, Deadpool is one of the combatants to be breaking the fourth wall no matter which media he is in.

Boomstick: Whether it's a comic book, video game, cartoon, movie, or even web show.

Wiz: He is known for being quite the martial artist and seasoned assassin.

Deadpool: Don't forget raging sex machine, Ben.

Boomstick: Get to the battlefield for your opponent.

Deadpool: Okay, Okay, sheesh.

Boomstick: Anyways, he has various weapons he can pull out of nowhere, but it is all done by taking them out of his Magic Satchel.

Wiz: This cartoon-like device carries various objects that Deadpool can range from grenades, his set of twin katanas, a belt that can enable him to teleport, and even his two machine guns.

Deadpool: that are named "Butter" and "I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Butter".

Wiz: Shut up, Wade.

Deadpool: Okay, Ben.

Wiz: As we were saying, he is quick enough to to defeat 7 hydra agents in a big fight and single-handedly kill legions of armed warriors while on the phone.

Boomstick: He is also too unpredictable for Taskmaster and Deadpool's previous combatant, Deathstroke, both of who were good at predicting the moves of their opponents before they make the move.

Wiz: And with the use of his special sword made of Carbonadium, a type of alloy that nullifies all healing factors, he killed the entire Marvel Universe.

Boomstick: Like Wolverine.

Wiz: He managed to survive anything that has may have the chance to kill him all thanks to the serum he was dosed with.

Boomstick: Deadpool maybe the most annoying anti-hero in history.

Deadpool: They should call you "Elevator Operator", 'cause you're bringing me down, or "Tonsils", 'cause you're a pain in the neck, Ba-boosh!

Spider-Man: Lame. Next you'll be telling me to "go soak my head".

Deadpool: Ah, what a swellegant idea. But it'll look a lot funnier in my imagination.

Spider-Man: What? (Deadpool lifts Spider-Man over him)

Deadpool: Spider-Man, go soak your head! (tosses Spider-Man in the water)


Conker the Squirrel

Wiz: Conker is the anthropomorphic red squirrel who had a kid-friendly beginning in which he was racing alongside Diddy Kong, Banjo Bear, and many lovable characters in Diddy Kong Racing to even rescuing his girlfriend, Berri and his birthday presents from the evil King Acorn in Conker's Pocket Tales.

Boomstick: But then he became the alcoholic bad-ass squirrel that I personally know and love in Conker's Bad Fur Day, both the Nintendo 64 classic and the XBox Live versions.

Conker: Well, that's very kind of you to say, Boomstick.

Boomstick: Wow, that is a surprise.

Conker: Yeah, I'll let you guys continue talking about me.

Wiz: Well, as you can expect, Conker does occasionally break the fourth wall, like talking to the programmer of his Mature themed adventure.

Boomstick: He can also fly by twirling his squirrel tail like a helicopter propeller, which of course is ripped straight out of Tails the Fox. Conker also has weapons at the ready that he can pull out of nowhere like guns, katana swords, baseball bats, a boomstick that kills zombies, frying pans, and even his trusty slingshot.

Wiz: For a squirrel, he sure seems mature themed if you ask me.

Boomstick: Well, it is Rare's fault for doing that sort of shit.

Wiz: Well, at least he has accomplished certain, such as being able to single-handedly defeating a memorable singing giant monster made of excrete, with grains of sweet corn for teeth, and even used a gold watch to hypnotize a ravaging green dinosaur to being a steed.

Boomstick: He also managed to defeat an army of Tediz, a robotic teddy bear army that spoof the Naziz, and he even defeated a xenomorphic monster named Heinrich, who almost had a closing kill on our squirrel hero.

Wiz: Of course, the game was in lock mode at the time.

Boomstick: But at last it took balls to do that and then become king of an entire kingdom that once belonged to a spoiled pussycat of a panther.

Money: Here I am, ya greedy bastard.

Conker: Yeah, more sponduli.

Intermission

IntermissionDPvsCTS

Wiz: All right, the combatants are set, let's end the debate once and for all.

Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!

Fight

It was a beautiful day in the park, and a squirrel named Conker reads a sign with a picture of Deadpool on it with a reward promising $5,000,000.

Conker: Wow, that guy is worth a lot of sponduli.

???: Excuse me, what is sponduli?

Conker: Sponduli is what I usually call money or cash on occasion.

????: Oh, thanks for the info.

Conker turns to see Deadpool who was wondering about that word.

Conker: No problem.

Conker turns back to the poster, but then he is shocked to see Deadpool in person, and jumps back whilst getting his guns out.

Conker: Wow, today is going to be the day I get rich.

Deadpool: (as he gets his own guns, "Butter" and "I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Butter" out) Aw, how cute, suirrel with guns, this day just may be cool for an entertaining day at the park.

Deadpool and Conker (simultaneously while looking at the viewers): Fight!

The two combatants fire guns at each other, Conker was doing his Matrix style jumping, and Deadpool was blocking them with the bullets from his firing guns. They were firing until both combatants ran low on bullets, Then Conker unleashes the Baseball Bat to hit Deadpool with, but Deadpool throws a couple of grenades to catch him off guard, but Conker bats them away, which then lead Deadpool to unleash many martial arts moves on Conker to damage him, and a powerful kick to send him flying, but Conker uses his tail to propel himself to a safe landing to a deserted floating island with swords and pieces of a big green emerald. Deadpool follows him there using his teleportation belt. Conker then picks up a nearby sword from the ground.

Conker: Prepare to be skewered.

Deadpool: Oh, Sword-fight time huh? Fine by me.

Deadpool takes out his katana and the two engage in a sword duel pureeing each other and trying to block each others slashes, until Deadpool manages to knock the sword off of Conker's hand and knocks him to the ground, and when Deadpool was about to skewer Conker in the head, Conker picks up an emerald shard, dodges the sword, and shoves the green shard below Deadpool's belt.

Deadpool: DYOOOOOOOOWCH!

Conker: Huh, Looks like I got his chaos controlled.

But as he said that, the shard glows and made both Conker and Deadpool teleport to a city with broken robot pieces and a few dead mutants.

Deadpool: Wow, that is more unexpected.

Conker: I agree, but still...

Deapool and Conker go at it again in which they threw dead robot parts belonging to what look like Mousers and Egg Pawns at each other, until uses the skull of a certain mutant rhino head. But Deadpool kicks it back to make it hit Conker. Then Deadpool picks up a robotic arm belonging to a certain chicken-like robot, while Conker yanks out his frying pan.

Deadpool: Wow, something to fry this robotic wing with sometime.

The two puree with each other again until they were shocked by electric wires that were accidentally going off by a certain anthropomorphic fat cat and a red haired turtle monster who are in their own fight, thus caused the four to be launched, except Deadpool and Conker were launched together in a different direction, and they deliver various punches and kicks to each other until they see a satelite being magnetically pulled to their direction, they were lucky to dodge it, but then more metalic objects heading their way and they were dodging them one by one and they turned to see why it was all happening, it was all done by a certain 30 story reptile, while the two were escaping, they evaded a certain blue-suited hero with less energy left in him, and after that happened, the two were falling until Deadpool used his telepotation belt to teleport back to land while Conker saw Deadpool on land and flew to Deadpool at charge mode, thus causing Deadpool to dodge in time for Conker to get his head stuck in a tree, and Deadpool comes to Conker who is stuck and used his carbonadium sword to decapitate Conker.

Deadpool: (to the viewers) Looks like I am having squirrel enchiladas tonight.

K.O.!

Results

Boomstick: Conker, No!

Wiz: Deadpool and Conker were pretty crafty fourth wall breakers in their rights, but Deadpool managed to surpass Conker in Strength, Speed, and durability.

Boomstick: Deadpool even has his regenration at his side even when Conker used a shard up his dick, maybe now he will stay away from my ex-wife.

Wiz: Conker was unable to put Deadpool away no matter how hard he tried.

Boomstick: Conker was conquered.

WinnerDeadpool2

Wiz: The winner is...

Deadpool: Deadpool, yes I got it right this time. Now I need to talk with this Maxevil guy to get him to make his character face me.

Trivia

  • This is Maxevil's fifty-fourth Death Battle episode.

(The first one is Andross vs Black Doom)

  • This is the third time that a Death Battle Opponent in Maxevils' Death Battles have verbal contact with Wiz and Boomstick, this time being both Deadpool and Conker the Squirrel, the first two are Pikachu vs Stitch and Pinkie Pie vs Jigglypuff.