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Dr. Zoidberg vs Ernie the Chicken
DrZvsEtC
Season 3, Episode 18
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Air date April 16, 2015
Written by Maxevil
Directed by Maxevil
Episode guide
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Disney Heroes Battle Royale (Maxevil) Link vs Pit

Dr. Zoidberg vs Ernie the Chicken is a What-if Death Battle.

Description

Futurama vs Family Guy! Which of these anthropomorphic animals from the adult cartoons is deadly?

Interlude

Wiz: Adult Cartoons, made in 1989 with the Simpsons.

Boomstick: And there can always be popular characters from their franchises that we can laugh about, and these two are no exception.

Wiz: Dr. Zoidberg, the medical crustacean from Futurama...

Boomstick: ...and Ernie the Chicken, Peter's fowl foe from Family Guy. He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick.

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skill to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Dr. Zoidberg

Wiz: Dr. John Zoidberg is the medical doctor from the Planet Express, he once met his friend Professor Farnsworth in the year 2927.

Boomstick: And then you guys might get the history of his antics. But now, we should get to his combat skills.

Wiz: While he is known to be a medical doctor, he can be quite the fighter when needed, his most common weapons of choice when fighting are his own crustaceous claws that are used to cut through anything whether it be the arms of people and robots, or even to open a can of condensed soup.

Boomstick: Remind me to find him and bring him to open my beers next time.

Wiz: He also possesses superhuman strength, as was shown that he was able to lift a barbell of up to 455 lbs. plus Fry and Amy to add in the extra weight as requested by Zoidberg himself, he is shown to lift up more than 800 lbs.

Boomstick: Wow, how does he get all that? Well he also has his body shaped shell for his armor, and another line of defense, in which he squirts ink at foes to surprise them.

Wiz: Zoidberg says he is an expert on our race, when in reality, he has no actual knowledge on that, but when it comes to other races, that is a whole different theory.

Boomstick: Plus, he is more than likely to be forgotten at times like his birthday that comes after Amy's, and that is harsh.

Wiz: Though these things are true, so are his certain accomplishments, such as in a fantasy theatre from Farnsworth's What-if? Machine, despite simulation, that the giant version of Zoidberg survived being boiled alive in a stadium filled with boiling water. And when he has a fight with a psychopathic robot named CLamps, he won that fight by cutting his arms off.

Boomstick: Wow, now that is one tough crab monster who sounds like Reggae artist, Shaggy, and sporting a tentacle-like mustache that you don't want to cross.

Pregnercise instructor: (Panicking) Is there a doctor in the gym?

Dr. Zoidberg: I'm a Doctor!

(Pregnant women scream in terror and unintentionally give births to three more babies in the pool)

Ernie the Chicken

Wiz: Ernie is a giant chicken who has had a bitter rivalry with Peter Griffin since the time Peter accidentally punched Ernie while dancing to "Enchantment Under the Sea."

Boomstick: I thought their rivalry started when Ernie gave Peter an expired coupon.

Wiz: The coupon incident happened after the dance actually.

Boomstick: Oh, well, how did Ernie come to be the way he is today?

Wiz: Well, as explained by the Griffin Family's medical docotr, Dr. Hatrtman, Ernie was was accidentally mutated by Hartman himself.

Dr. Hartman: "I once tried to clone a chicken and it ended up being a man-sized chicken that was extremely hostile and escaped from the lab."

Boomstick: Wow, talk about about your six piece chicken meal. Well, when he fights Peter, he usually gives out his punches, kicks, and pecks. Plus, when there are objects for him to use as projectiles, he may get his chance, ranging from chairs, a broken mailbox, or even exotic reptiles, like a sewer gator that he and Peter killed. Plus, despite his lost fights with Peter in which he was presumed dead, he is a survivor in which he got his head slammed multiple times with a copy printer, fell off a very tall building, or even get his head chopped off from a plane.

Wiz: Actually, Boomstick, if he got his head chopped off, he wouldn't clinch is chicken feet into a fist, so it is more likely that his head was given a few cuts.

Boomstick: Oh, well I hope either him or Zoidberg end up on my menu tonight from their fight.

Ernie: "Listen, you know what? Let me make it up to you. Why don't you let my wife and I take you out to dinner?"

Peter: "Well, that sounds lovely."

Intermission

IntermissionDrZvsETC

Wiz: All right, the combatants are set, let's end the debate once and for all.

Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!

Fight

In a grocery store, we venture inside. various characters we know are doing their shopping. We zoom in to see Zoidberg and Bender doing some shopping.

Bender: I hope that this time we get to find groceries without you eating everything, Zoidberg!

Dr. Zoidberg: Oh, come on! It was an accident.

Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass. This is your one time chance to be under your control.

Dr. Zoidberg: Don't worry, I...

Zoidberg gets interrupted by a smell that he finds delicious. He runs off to find it.

Bender: Zoidberg, where are you going? Damnit!

Zoidberg stumbles upon a toddler sized chick who was looking at the kids magazines and picks up the chick to eat him. Then, but only to anger the late chic's father, Ernie, who was finding his kid only to see in terror and in anger of what Zoidberg did.

Ernie: You bastard! I'll kill you, you squid!

Zoidberg gets angry for being called a squid.

Dr. Zoidberg: The name is not Squid, it's Zoidberg. John Fucking Zoidberg!

They both get in their fighting stances.

FIGHT!

They charge at each other giving each other series of punches, until Zoidberg picks up Ernie and tosses him in the egg section. Ernie gets up and shakes the egg mess off of him, and charges at him with an empty shopping cart to push Zoidberg into the seafood department, causing Zoidberg to get up as well and shake the frozen crayfish off of him. Then they continued their fight until they were in the kitchen utensil aisle. Ernie pecks Zoidberg in the eyes to stun him a bit and knocks him off his feet. Then Ernie grabs a nutcracker to use as his next weapon.

Ernie: Looks like I'm having an all you can eat Seafood dinner tonight!

Dr. Zoidberg: That offer was for a limited time only, compared to all the chicken you can eat.

Ernie: And what is that supposed to...

Ernie gets interrupted by a splosh of ink squirted by Zoidberg, then he clucks out of fear because he can't see, causing him to run around frantically and slip on the wet floor, and crash into the tomatoes. Just as Ernie was trying to recover himself, a familiar claw comes from behind him and decapitates him. The claw is revealed to belong to Zoidberg, who then picks up Ernie's lifeless head and eats it.

Bender: There you are, and at least you found some good eats for our crew.

Bender picks up the Headless Chicken and he and Zoidberg leave.

K.O.!

Results

(cue the credits theme of Futurama)

Boomstick: I hope Zoidberg saves some Ernie for me, he looks delicious.

Wiz: While Ernie had more on the variety of weaponry, Zoidberg surpassed Ernie in strangth, defense, and durability. Plus, it is known that when they have their fights against anyone, Zoidberg usually wins his fights, while Ernie never won any of his.

Boomstick: Guess that made Ernie's fight even worse, huh?

Wiz: Right, Zoidberg finished off Ernie after he stunned his sight with ink.

Boomstick: And that folks is the blind truth.

WinnerZoidberg
Wiz: The winner is Dr. Zoidberg.

Dr. Zoidberg: Whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop!

Trivia

  • This is Maxevil's thirty-sixth fight.