| Hatsune Miku vs Kasane Teto | |
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| Season 1, Episode 7 | |
Vital statistics
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| Air date | June 30th 2016 |
| Written by | Mage |
| Directed by | Her Hat |
Episode guide
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| Previous | Next |
| Mio Naganohara vs Chizuru | Cirno vs Papyrus |
Hatsune Miku vs Kasane Teto is a What-If Death Battle created by 5555thExplosionMage.
Hat: WEEABOO MUSIC! THAT'S WHAT WE ALL LOVE RIGHT!?
Mage: Actually I just prefer electrical music and the majority of the songs in that genre that I like just happens to be Vocaloid and UTAUloid music.
Hat: SHUT THE F%^& UP! WE'RE GOING TO MAKE THESE TWO MASCOTS OF THE INDUSTRY FIGHT TO THE DEATH AND LAUGH AS ONE DIES A HORRIBLE, PAINFUL DEATH!
Mage: I'd prefer not to do this since they're kinda also the on;y singers that help me through depressing times...
Hat: WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU!? ANYWAY HATSUNE MIKU THE BLUE HAIRED, LEEK LOVING, VOCALOID!
Mage: ... And Kasane Teto the drill haired, baguette loving, UTAUloid.
Hat: SHE'S MAGE AND IIIIIIIIIIIII'M HER HAT!
Mage: And it's our job to analyse their weapons, armour, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Hatsune Miku[]
Mage: There are many vocaloids out there, Gumi, Kaito, the Kagamine twins, Luka, but there is one vocaloid who is the most iconic of them all.
Hat: HER NAME IS HATSUNE MIKU!
Mage: Code-named CV01, Hatsune Miku was the seventh vocaloid ever created and is the most popular.
Hat: MIKU HAS THE MOST SONGS OUT OF ALL THE VOCALOIDS AND HAS THE MOST UNIQUE POWERS SUCH AS, FLIGHT, TRANSFORMING INTO A DOLL, MAKING ALIENS FALL IN LOVE WITH HER, AND REALITY WARPING.
Mage: To be specific Hatsune Miku is able to jump from fiction to reality for concerts and can take things that exist in reality back to the fictional world she came from.
Hat: HATSUNE MIKU IS RATHER KNOWLEDGEABLE AND VERY SELF AWARE. SHE KNOWS THAT SHE IS JUST A PROGRAM CREATED FOR THE SOUL PURPOSE TO ENTERTAIN. THAT IS IT. SHE EVEN SUNG ABOUT IT AND PEOPLE LOVE THE SONG!
Mage: Wow... I'm surprised you didn't mention Kurumi Ponchio...
Hat: OH, SHE ALSO HAS THE BIGGEST DICTIONARY OF INNUENDOS.
Mage: GOSH FREAKING DARN IT!
Hat: MIKU ALSO HAS A WIDE ARSENAL OF WEAPONS AND ATTACKS SHE CAN SPAWN LEEKS OUT OF NOWHERE, CAN SPAWN HERSELF A RAY GUN, AND SHE EVEN HAS A FREAKING DRAGON THE BURSTS THROUGH BUILDINGS WITH EASE! ITS NOT EVEN JAPANESE ITS A CHINESE DRAGON!
Mage: Miku has the ability to teleport, change her costumes almost instantly, and can dance on clouds in reality. Even if she is young she is rather durable, surviving running into a star in space... three times.
Hat: It's no surprise that Miku is battle ready.
Kasane Teto[]
Mage: When April first rolls around tricks are played on everyone. Ranging from silly pranks to the most crazy and wacky thing you can think of.
Hat: AND MAGE BEING CALLED IN FOR AN INTERVIEW FOR A JOB! BUT NOTHING WAS A MORE CRAZY APRIL FOOLS JOKE THAN KASANE TETO!
Mage: Kasane Teto was 'born' on April First and was of course Vocaloid's April Fools joke saying that she was a new Vocaloid.
Hat: OF COURSE NOT USING HER WAS A DUMB IDEA BECAUSE SHE SOMEHOW GOT A WHOLE PROGRAM BASED AROUND HER!
Mage: Teto is an innocent girl with a love for pranks. She often acts coldly toward people she likes and is kind of narcissistic.
Hat: SHE HAS HAIR THAT SPINS LIKE DRILLS WHEN SHE IS ANGERED AND THE OCCASIONAL HAPPY MOMENT.
Mage: Her hair can dig through solid rock and destroy dirt from existence as they drill through.
Hat: TETO IS ALSO A HUMAN-BAT CHIMERA THING WHICH BASICALLY MEANS SHE HAS WINGS. AND CAN FLY...
...
MAGE HOW OLD IS SHE?
Mage: 31 Hat...
Hat: I COULD'VE SWORN SHE WAS 15...
Mage: The fanbase says she's 15 but she's really 31. I know, don't question it.
Hat: UH, OKAY... TETO CHEATS EXTREMELY OFTEN! SUCH AS FINDING WAYS TO EXTEND MOVIE RENTALS! AND OF COURSE SHE GOT INTO THE BUSINESS WITH HER CHEATS!
Mage: Wow... you didn't pull a joke... anyway t-
Hat: TETO KNOWS MEMES!!!!!!!!!
Mage: Don't you start! Anyway she has an army of humanoid baguettes that she can summon when she needs to, did we mention her favourite food is the baguette?
Hat: THAT IS NOT AT ALL SUGGESTIVE! ... HAHAHAHAHAHA YEAH IT'S SUGGESTIVE!
Mage: OH MY GOSH DO I NEED TO PUT YOU ON TIME OUT!?
Hat: SHE'S A DRUNKARD TOO!!!!!
Mage: HAT I SWEAR I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!
Hat: TETO HAS CAUSED STARS TO EXPLODE FROM HER PRESENCE, CAUGHT A COMET WITH NO REPERCUSSIONS, SURVIVED THE VOID OF SPACE, TELEPORTED FROM SPACE TO EARTH AND THEN BACK AGAIN, SHE CAN EVEN DESTROY REALITY AS WE KNOW IT!
Mage: Wait what where did you find that?
Hat: MUSIC VIDEOS, ANYWAY SHE CAN GROW IN SIZE AS MUCH AS SHE WANTS AND CAN REALITY WARP LIKE NOBODY'S BUSINESS!
Mage: Teto can change her wings to that of an angel and that of a crows, she can stand on air, and fast forward time.
Hat: YOU THINK WE'RE DONE!? SHE CAN REMOVE THE WORLD'S COLOUR, TURN INTO PAPER, CHANGE HER HAIR COLOUR, CAUSE REMOTES TO DANCE, AND BREAK STEEL CHAINS! SHE HAS ALSO BROUGHT BACK REALITY AFTER DESTROYING IT.
Mage: You really went all out in researching her didn't you?
Hat: YUP!
Pre-Fight[]
Mage: Alright, the combatants are set lets end this debate once and for all.
Hat: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!!!!!!!
Shoom.
The fans cheered as the lights moved all over the stage. Today was the day Miku sang a song that nobody has heard before and everyone who has come to hear it was extremely hyped up. The audience cheered Miku's name waiting for her to come onto the stage. The lights turned off and the music began. Miku came up from beneath the stage and the crowd went wild.
She was about to sing when suddenly out of nowhere pink drills dug a whole from underneath the stage. Teto climbed out of the hole and another crowd entered the stadium cheering for Teto. The people know what was about to go down and they began to cheer for who they were rooting for.
Teto grabbed a baguette out of the hole and Miku spawned herself a leek. It was time to settle this, once and for all.
FIGHT![]
Miku and Teto dashed toward each other holding their weapon choice. Teto jumped into the air and teleported behind Miku attempting to land a hit, however Miku teleported forward making Teto miss her attack. Miku threw her leek at Teto and spawned more in her hands. Teto was hit multiple times then teleported above Miku hitting her directly on the head with the baguette breaking the baguette.
Teto jumped back with a back-flip once she landed she sprouted her wings. Teto's drill hair pointed toward the sky and began to spin rapidly and Teto leaped into the air adjusting herself so she can go fora dive. Teto shot down toward Miku while her hair continued to to drill anything in it's path. Miku used the leeks in her hands to attempt to block the incoming spinning Teto, however the leeks were just destroyed and Miku was sent flying back into a wall.
Teto flew back and stopped her drill hair from rotating. She stared at Miku as she stood up, perfectly fine. Teto flew toward Miku to grab her and take her to space. She dived reached out and... Miku wasn't there. There was a doll that Teto completely missed though. Teto kept flying forward and smashed into the same wall she hit Miku into. The stadium shook from the impact and some audience members lost balance.
The doll rolled into the crowd and it turned into Miku. She hopped back onto the stage and the stadium shook. From beneath Miku rose a blue Chinese dragon. Miku pulled out her ray-gun and aimed toward Teto. As she did so an army of baguettes entered the stadium and formed a wall in front of Miku. One leapt off the top and tackled Miku and the others followed its lead. Miku's dragon burst through the wall and began to devour the baguettes that fell off it's back.
Miku was well capable of fighting these off it didn't take long for her to be standing on her Chinese dragon with the baguettes either destroyed or eaten. Miku turned to where Teto was however she was gone. The world suddenly changed to white. Every colour was gone, then the world rumbled and a giant foot landed on the Chinese dragon's tail.
The dragon let out a roar of pain and Miku looked up. Teto had grown, a lot. Teto smiled and dragged the dragon all over the ground with her foot. As she did so the stadium slowly began to collapse. Miku flew off the dragon as Teto did so. Teto then stomped on the dragon's head coating the audience members and Miku in... dust. Miku fired her ray-gun up at Teto and it hit her in the eye.
Teto stumbled back holding onto her eye and she fell onto the nearby mall. They say nobody who was in the mall at the time survived that. Teto reverted back to her normal size, shook her head, and sprouted crow wings. She flew toward Miku attempting to grab her, however Miku grabbed Teto, adjusted her body weight, and threw Teto into a pile of rubble.
Teto stood up and ran forwards. Miku thought Teto was going to go for a flurry of attacks so she prepared to counter that. However Teto just grabbed Miku and teleported into space. Teto kicked Miku trying to make gravity pull her into the sun. However Miku had flight of her own and flew toward Teto kicking her and sending Teto to the moon.
The two landed and many punches and kicks were dealt. After a good ten minutes to exchanging attacks Miku grabbed Teto and brought her to the real world. Miku flew up and Teto sprouted her angel wings and flew up. A person watching this from a distance would just see a bright pink light and a bright blue light smash into each other many times over in the air.
Suddenly something happened, the world turned pink, trees became licorice, buildings became sushi, and the clouds turned into anvils. Miku and Teto were still clashing however Miku decided she could just glitch Teto and thus she glitched up reality. However, Teto continued to fight with no sign of changing. Teto caught a kick from Miku, spun her in the air, and kicked her sending Miku flying off.
Teto rose into the air and with a bright flash everything went white. Teto stood within the empty space. It was just her there, however now Teto has no way of returning back to her own realm.
K.O.!
Why?[]
Hat: OKAY WAS THERE REALLY A KO? OR NOT?
Mage: Well I think that Teto just... got rid of reality leaving only her...
Hat: OH... COULDN'T MIKU KILL TETO?
Mage: Well actually this match-up was really close Miku and Teto had a very close set of abilities sharing many similarities. However Teto's had more quantity and a slight bit more quality.
Hat: WHILE MIKU WAS ABLE TO GLITCH UP REALITY SO MAJORLY THAT NOBODY COULD TELL WHAT WAS GOING ON... TETO KIND OF DESTROYED REALITY.
Mage: This means Teto would somehow be outside reality in order to survive doing this which means Teto cannot really be effected by reality manipulating attacks.
Hat: WELL WHAT ABOUT STATISTICS!?
Mage: Teto and Miku's defences are on par with each other but their attack power is rather low. Meaning that they can't really hurt each other.
Hat: MIKU SURVIVED A HEAD ON COLLISION WITH A STAR THRICE WHILE TETO HAS CAUGHT A STAR IN HER HAND!
Mage: Both feats show no real sign of any injuries heck, Miku fell back down to earth after being hit by a star and survived!
Hat: AS FOR TETO, DESTROYING REALITY IS KIND OF... HAX.
Mage: Teto's ability to destroy time was the only way that this fight wouldn't end in a draw if she had not had that ability then it would be a draw and we can all go home.
Hat: LOOKS LIKE MIKU WAS CHEATED ON!
Mage: The winner is Teto Kasane.
