|Juggernaut vs. Tighten|
|Season 1, Episode 5|
|Air date||October 22, 2016|
|Written by||I'm Lynda|
|Directed by||I'm Lynda|
|Quick Draw McGraw vs. Yosemite Sam||Alex DeLarge vs. Mayumi|
Juggernaut vs. Tighten is a What-If? Death Battle created by Maxevil, and written by I'm Lynda. It features Juggernaut from Marvel’s X-Men comic books, and Tighten from Dreamworks’ Megamind movie and video games.
Two super-powered super-brutes go head-to-head in a no-holds-barred battle to the finish.
Boomstick: Some supervillain pantywaists like to use their super-intellects to lay fiendishly clever plans that will accomplish their objectives in...oh, years or even decades. But, some supervillains just use their super-muscled super-fists to beat the world until it bleeds submission.
Wiz: One such supervillain is Marvel’s unstoppable behemoth, Juggernaut.
Boomstick: And another is Dreamwork’s psychopath super-guy, Tighten.
Wiz: I’m Wiz, and he’s Boomstick.
Boomstick: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle!
Wiz: OK, you can’t have a super-villain without a tragic back story, and the Juggernaut is no exception. Cain Marko’s mother died when he was very young, leaving him to the tender mercies of his abusive father, Dr. Kurt Marko.
Boomstick: To make matters worse, when his father remarried, it seems that dear old dad preferred his stepson to Cain. Now, this is not a gigantic surprise, as the stepson was none other than Charles Xavier, the future head of the X-Men. So, of course, Cain hated Charles with a passion.
Wiz: The two brothers were drafted by the U.S. government, and sent on a mission during the Korean War. Cain was not the soldier type, and ended up deserting from his unit.
Boomstick: Cain was lucky enough to stumble on a cave that housed an abandoned temple of Cyttorak, an ancient being of truly godlike power. In the cave, Cain unearthed the Crimson Gem of Cyttorak, which transformed him into an unstoppable human juggernaut. So he not-surprisingly took the name of “Juggernaut.”
Wiz: However, this power was definitely a mixed blessing. You see, Cyttorak’s “gift” was designed to turn its recipient into an avatar of Cyttorak, setting him the goal of removing humanity’s free will.
Boomstick: Well, free will is for squares, especially when you have the power to shatter mountains and use skyscrapers as battering rams!
Wiz: That’s right, like the Hulk, Juggernaut’s strength is nearly unlimited. And more, he can generate a mystical force field that makes him nearly invulnerable to harm. Not to mention he heals almost immediately from any harm that he does suffer.
Boomstick: That’s right, that Juggernaut is one bad mother...
Boomstick: But I’m talking about Juggernaut, and anyone taking him on had better have power to spare!
Wiz: Hal Stewart was a television cameraman assigned to work with Metro City reporter Roxanne Ritchi.
Boomstick: He was also a dweeb, a dork, a goofball, and a moron.
Wiz: And when the super-villain Megamind accidentally infused Hal with the DNA of recently-deceased superhero Metro Man, Hal was given power beyond his imagination.
Boomstick: Sadly for Megamind, not only was Hal Stewart deficient in looks, intelligence and social graces, he was also deficient in integrity, values and compassion. And when Megamind renamed him “Titan,” Hal was so stupid that he thought his new name was “Tighten.” Yeah, he was a real winner, all right.
Wiz: Thinking that he had created a superhero worthy to defeat him, Megamind provoked a fight with Tighten, only to discover that he had not created a new Metro Man, but that he had instead created a super-powered homicidal maniac who would destroy anyone and anything that stood in his way.
Boomstick: Yeah, in his drive to get revenge on Megamind, and consequently Roxanne Ritchi, Tighten began to dismantle the city, knocking down buildings, and cutting his goofy name into whole city blocks.
Wiz: Megamind tried going toe-to-toe with Tighten, using various mechanical enhancements, but he quickly found out that nothing in his arsenal could so much as put a dent in the super-villain.
Boomstick: OK, so just what are Tighten’s powers? Well, his powers are an exact duplicate of Metro Man’s, but who was Metro Man and what were his powers?
Wiz: Metro Man was born on a planet in the Glaupunk Quadrant. When he was a baby, his parents realized that their planet was about to be destroyed, so they loaded the baby into a space ship and fired him off to Earth. He was adopted by a rich but childless couple, and given everything he could ever need. And, as he grew, he began to demonstrate many powers, including super-strength, ice breath, laser vision, the ability to fly, invulnerability, and...
Boomstick: Wait a minute! You’re retelling the origin story of Superman!
Wiz: That’s right, Metro Man was a shameless copy of Superman, with the exception of his wearing an all-white super-suit, with a big “M” on the chest.
Boomstick: I guess a few coins slid inter-corporately between Dreamworks and DC on that one!
Wiz: So, Metro Man was a copy of Superman, which means that Tighten is basically a Superman gone wrong. And THAT means that he is a being of almost limitless strength and power.
Boomstick: That’s right, Tighten is a dweeb, a dork, a goofball and a moron, but he’s a dweeb, a dork, a goofball and a moron with power to spare!
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set; let’s end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: That’s right, It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!
The scene is Metro City. Tighten has destroyed the center of the city, and is sitting on a giant throne that he has made out of blocks of concrete taken from the surrounding buildings. His eyes glow angrily, as he stares out of his own furious thoughts.
Suddenly, a behemoth of a man in a red suit walks into the destruction. The ground shakes with every step he takes.
Tighten glares at the man, and snarls, “This is my town, walk out while you can still walk.”
Juggernaut looks around at the destruction around him and counters, “Town? It looks like a junk-heap to me.”
The glow in his eyes building, Tighten lifts off of his ersatz-throne, and drifts over to Juggernaut. Getting right up to Juggernaut’s face, Tighten snarls, “Well it’s my junk-heap now, dude, and this is your last warning!”
Juggernaut snarls back at Tighten, “Don’t threaten me, nube! I eat pukes like you for breakfast.”
Tighten lifts his right fist, and brings it back and back, winding up for a titanic punch.
* Pow! *
Juggernaut flies across the square, and through a building. Tighten tilts his head back and let’s out a loud guffaw,
Almost immediately, however, the Juggernaut charges out of the damaged building, right up to Tighten, and delivers a titanic punch of his own. Tighten flies backward across the square and through another building.
“Nighty night, creampuff!” the Juggernaut sneers.
Tighten explodes out of the building, the fire in his eyes growing even brighter. He flies up Juggernaut, and delivers a two-fisted uppercut that sends the behemoth flying straight up. Then, he flies up, above the Juggernaut, and delivers a devastating punch that sends him rocketing down into the ground. His impact makes a small crater.
Tighten drifts down towards the ground, stopping when he sees the Juggernaut get up and dust himself off. “I’ll give you this, punk, you’ve got a good punch,” he says. “I actually felt that.”
Tighten looks around the square, and spots the town hall, with its many stone columns. He flies over, and wrenches a column off of the building and heaves it at Juggernaut. “Feel this, tin-can man!” he yells.
Juggernaut punches the column out of the air, reducing it to rubble, so Tighten grabs another column and throws it. Then another. And then, another.
“Ha ha! This is fun,” the Juggernaut laughs. “When does the main event start?”
Tighten bares his teeth, the fire in his eyes flaring in intensity. Suddenly, he releases the energy, and laser beams fly out at the Juggernaut, enveloping him in fire.
Juggernaut stands for several breaths, and then says, “Is it just me, or is it getting a little hot in here?”
Still bathed in the laser-light, Juggernaut turns, and grabs a huge chunk of concrete, twenty feet to a side, and heaves it at Tighten. The boulder flies for several yards against the laser beams, and then explodes into a shower of debris.
Tighten screams his rage, and then flies at Juggernaut, punching him, and sending him flying across the square. Tighten then flies past him, turns around and punches him again. He sets up a rhythm, hitting the Juggernaut, and sending him flying back and forth like tennis ball in a match.
Suddenly, as he flies through the air, Juggernaut puts his feet on the ground, and runs at the waiting Tighten. Tighten throws another punch, but Juggernaut barrels through, sending Tighten flying through a wing of the city hall, causing it to collapse with a roar.
Juggernaut continues running towards the structure, and sees Tighten throw off a slab of concrete with an enraged look on his face. He leaps off and flies at the charging Juggernaut.
A colossal boom sounds at the impact, and Tighten is thrown off to the side, spinning like a boomerang. A dull ‘wup wup’ sound accompanies his flight, until it terminates in a three story building, which collapses at the impact.
Juggernaut turns in his path, seemingly making a victory lap around the square.
Suddenly, Tighten lands on his back, screaming an inarticulate scream of rage. The lasers shoot out of his eyes, bathing Juggernaut’s helmet in fire, while his fists batter the helmet, causing it ring like an ill-formed bell.
Juggernaut continues his lap around the square, bellowing in pain at the attack. His helmet goes from red hot to white, and it begins to buckle under the assault.
Juggernaut runs in a straight line, taking the two through one building after another. Their path can be seen from the air, as one building after another collapses.
Reaching the outskirts of Metro City, Juggernaut launches himself into a huge rock quarry, spinning in a flying somersault.
Tighten holds on with his legs, and continues his assault on Juggernauts helmet, right up to where they impact on the floor of the quarry.
Tighten stands up, and looks around, the crumpled and white-hot helmet still gripped in his hand.
Suddenly, Juggernaut slams into Tighten’s back, and wraps his elephantine arms around his waist. He charges into the rock wall of the quarry, where the two make a crater five-feet deep. Juggernaut turns, and charges across the floor of the quarry into another wall.
Again, and again the Juggernaut smashes into the rock wall, crushing Tighten between the rock and his even harder body.
Suddenly, Tighten begins to panic. He screams and pushes at the arm, even as the two blast into another wall. He screams and kicks and punches at Juggernaut, whose lips crack into a wicked smile.
Finally, in a burst of terror-fueled strength, Tighten braces his feet against Juggernaut’s stomach, and heaves with all his might. He bursts out of Juggernaut’s grip, and flies across the quarry and into the wall.
Tighten quickly leaps to he feet, and turns to see the Juggernaut bearing down on him, his mighty fist raised.
The laser light flares in Juggernaut’s eyes, just as the fist impacts between them.
BOOM! There is a blinding flash of red light, and then the world seems to go dark.
There is Juggernaut, standing still, with his fist buried in the rock wall up to the elbow. The knees of Tighten’s now headless body sag, and the corpse crumples to the ground.
As smoke rises from the blackened stump of Tighten’s neck, Juggernaut gathers up his battered helmet, and looks at it in disgust.
Tucking the metal under his arm, Juggernaut turns and walks towards the road leading out of the quarry.
Boomstick: Well, he didn’t fall easily, but he fell all the same.
Wiz: That’s right. In fact, Tighten didn’t really have a chance.
Boomstick: No chance at all?
Wiz: No, not really. Metro Man spent his entire lifetime learning and mastering his abilities, which he used in a deliberate and very calculated manner. Even at the end of his career, he was surprising his archnemesis with what he could do. Tighten, on the other hand, had Metro Man’s powers dumped on him, and he didn’t even try to study or analyze them. Instead, after he learned of his super-strength, how to fly and how to shoot lasers out of his eyes, he merely combined them with uncontrolled anger to make himself into a giant club to beat his opponents with.
Boomstick: His opponent, Juggernaut, cannot be stopped with brute strength. He’s battled the Colossus, the Thing and even the Incredible Hulk. To defeat him, it takes force, but also some sort of magic or psionic attack, and plenty of brains to pull it off. And while Tighten had plenty of force, he was ot-nay oo-tay ight-bray...If you know what I mean.
Wiz: That’s right, anger and strength will only take you so far, and anger and strength defined the way that Tighten fought. The winner is the Juggernaut!
Next time on Death Battle! we bring together two warriors of the streets. It’s killer versus killer when we present Alex DeLarge vs. Mayumi!
This is I’m Lynda’s first Death Battle featuring super-powered combatants.