Description[]
It's a battle between two of the greatest rebels in fictional history. Both overthrew mighty tyrannical governments, both are British, wore cool masks, and are devious and cunning as Hell. Who will win?
Interlude[]
Wiz: When the world is engulfed by power-hungry dictators, world-enslaving conquerors and cruel sadistic tyrants… our only hope lies to the heroic rebels risking their lives to put an end to their cruelty.
Boomstick: Though like other rebels such as the Confederates and the ISIS, they too can be just as dickish as the tyrants they were fighting.
Wiz: Like Lelouch vi Britannia, brilliant child prodigy who overthrew the mighty Britannian Empire
Boomstick: Versus V, the masked anarchist who kicked the Fascists off his country. He’s Wiz and I’m Boomstick.
Wiz: And it’s our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a DEATH BATTLE
Lelouch vi Britannia[]
Boomstick: In the world of Code Geass, almost a third of the planet is ruled by the Holy Britannian Empire. Which is like the bastard child of a sick threesome between the British Empire, the Holy Roman Empire, and the fucking Sith Empire. Basically... this is what happens if the United States of America didn’t exist. A sad, strange world where people eat spotted dicks, have no rights to flip people off, and no Hollywood or American pop culture to cheer them up. It’s a literal Hell on Earth.
Wiz: And in this Hell on Earth came Prince Lelouch vi Britannia, son of the Emperor Charles zi Britannia, and future heir to the throne of the Holy Britannian Empire. As a kid he already possessed a gifted intellect which he would continue to hone as he grew up. He was already a master chess player at an early age. Hell, as a kid he once beat a master chess player under only 8 and a half minutes.
Boomstick: Though life was pretty pampered for young Lelouch, like all sad and mopey anime characters, he has to eventually face losing one loved one or another. His mother was suddenly assassinated and his sister permanently crippled. Lelouch succumbed to the shock and blamed his father for their demise, eventually shattering their relationship and giving birth to Lelouch’s contempt for the Empire.
Wiz: His father then exiled him to Japan, where he became a political prisoner under the rebels. Now isolated in a foreign place with his sister Nunally, Lelouch was forced to take refuge with the Kururugi family. There Lelouch met other talented people who would later become his allies in his upcoming rebellion, and which in order to protect himself and Nunally, he changed his name to Lamer… Lamerouge?
Boomstick: Lamperyuj?
Wiz: Lamper-ouge?
Boomstick: Screw that, and by the way, one of those allies was a green-haired witch named C.C. (which is pronounced as C2… like that iced tea brand). Even to this day, I still question what kind of disease turned this girl’s hair green. Was it green albinism? Green dandruffs? Or maybe the same shit that turned Hulk green? Who knows? It’s one of anime’s greatest mysteries like why Goku’s hair is spiky or what Crona’s gender really is. Not even Wiz’s overrated science baloney can solve this mystery.
Wiz: Come on Boomstick, it’s an anime. We all know Japan’s crazy obsession with hair color. Hell, it can even be orange, light blue, or even cotton candy pink for all they care.
Boomstick: Good point though, Lelouch ends up meeting C.C. when he accidentally boarded a truck she was on. Though weird that these two didn’t have the traditional road trip sex everyone always do when they’re inside a truck, C.C. was then forced to defend him after they were attacked by the Britannian military.
Wiz: This faithful encounter gave Lelouch his greatest weapon. To protect him, C.C. gave Lelouch her Geass; a powerful supernatural ability that allows him to take control of people. Everyone who becomes “geassed” loses control of themselves and become slaves to Lelouch. And everything he says is absolute; all of them are forced to obey, even if it means killing themselves. It works through eye contact between Lelouch and his victim, and the commands are made verbally. Lelouch not only used it to make people kill themselves, but also to erase memories and cause hallucinations. And once a command is put, it cannot be in anyway taken back.
Boomstick: Overtime Lelouch would keep on practicing and developing his powers. Like a kid who first discovered puberty, Lelouch would sought to unlock and upgrade this power as the series progressed. With his new found power, badass mechs called Knightmare Frames, and his newfound allies, he finally started his own rebellion against the Empire he used to call his home. He dons a noble cape, a knightly masked, and a name that would strike anonymity and fear into his enemies… Zero!
Wiz: But that’s not all Boomstick. While Lelouch is kind of a wimp when it comes to physicality, he is a master marksman with his pistol; a standard military issued Britannian pistol, which are compact rail guns that fires armor-piercing rounds from a 13-round magazine. This pistol can go through body armor and a human body like they were soft British muffins. He also carries a badass longsword, though let me remind you again that he wasn’t particularly good at physicality. However, Lelouch’s greatest weapon is not his Geass but his ability to lead a war. Lelouch was a great strategist, stemming from his talent in chess. He can command his troops, a great father to his men, manipulate his enemies and play them like a fiddle. Also, he doesn’t shy away on sacrificing his own men to attend his goals.
Boomstick: And in rebellion did he finally showed his true-albeit sadistic-genius. He outsmarted and toppled the Britannian Empire, defeated his equally smart brother, and even “Geassed” God (or Gods) itself. Oh wait, he didn’t geassed God, he just made a “request” (wink).
Wiz: With his Geass he finally succeeded in making the world a safer place for his sister. But his powers are not that perfect. While he did geassed God, it still follows the same rules applied to all geass in his universe.
Boomstick: Stupid rules.
Wiz: For instance, there must be a direct eye-contact in order for the Geass to work. Without it it’s basically just a weird colorful contact lens. Verbal commands must be well-spoken and must be understood by the victim, and the Geass has a range of only 272 meters. Commands can only be given once, and victims cannot perform anything that they couldn’t possibly do (but will try their best to do so if they can). Also, besides people who are born to resist geass, there are also individuals that are excempted. Like that time Lelouch geassed Princess Euphemia to kill the Japanese populace, some people like her can resist the geass if they found the command too repugnant and morally incomprehensible to them. While having a tactical mindset, Lelouch is also merciless and prone to carelessly taking things too personally, especially if his sister is involved.
Boomstick: But still, Lelouch has accomplished those he has set out and more. Not only did he took over the Britannian Empire, but he also made himself a tyrant so that the people can finally be united to fight against a common foe. Not only that, but he also created an elaborate plot where he assassinated “himself” and made the people finally happy, contended and free. Even though he had to… leave his friends and sister (sob) behind. And he even used his own bestfriend to do the (sob)… the… the… DAMN IT LELOUCH! (sob) WHY DID YOU DO THIS? WHAT ABOUT NUNALLY… WHAT ABOUT KALLEN? YOU STUPID SELFISH… MAGNIFICENT BASTARD! (sobs, cries and finally breaks down)
Wiz: Uhhhhh... we’ll be right back :D
“What do you do when there is an evil you cannot defeat by just means? Do you stain your hands with evil to destroy evil? Or do you remain steadfastly just and righteous even if it means surrendering to evil?” ― Lelouch Vi Britannia
V[]
Wiz: In 1949, a journalist and social critic named George Orwell published one of the most groundbreaking novels of the 20th Century; Nineteen Eighty-Four. This book gave birth to the Dystopian genre and opened the public’s mind of the dangers of totalitarianism and the loss of people’s privacy.
Boomstick: And if you think it’s all science-fiction? Well think again. Throughout history, dictators have always taken control over the lives of their people, from Shi Huangdi of Ancient China to Adolf Hitler of Nazi Germany. We people in return… just can’t learn from our mistakes of NOT electing assholes to rule over us.
Wiz: And this is where the story of V for Vendetta was inspired from. After an unknown crisis plunged the world into a Global Nuclear War, the once great nation of Britain succumbed to the destruction it brought. Britain wasn’t actually affected by the war, but since other countries were presumably destroyed by it, Britain now stands alone against the threat of decadence. With the world’s resources decreasing, the government collapsing, and the people leaderless, the anxiety led the nation into chaos. Mass riots erupted, groups fought to attain leadership of the sinking ship, and widespread violence spread throughout the country.
Boomstick: Until an unknown group of reformists stepped in to save Britain from falling. This political group was Norsefire, a party (not that kind of party) of right wing fascists determined to put an end to the chaos. Being better supplied and resourced it didn’t take long for Norsefire to take over the whole country. They eventually quelled the chaos and put stability back into Great Britain… at a very terrible price. If you go back, you’d remember I mentioned the term “fascist” didn’t I? Like you know… Nazis?
Wiz: As a purist group, they killed off anyone who would stand against them. They persecuted and executed rival party groups, leftists, weeaboos and anyone whom they deemed too smart for their own good. If you look at them funny, beware for they will execute your ass on the spot. If you even try to speak against them, they will hunt you down, kill you and your family, and erase any evidence of your existence. To simply put, Norsefire controlled society in general. They controlled everything from the media and even the Church. They can also see and hear everything; even talking shit about them in the bathroom is not safe. But that’s not all. Like its predecessors the Nazis, they too executed anyone that felt different, immoral or useless. They extinguished other races, religions, scholars and homosexuals in an effort to purify Britain.
Boomstick: Holy Hell! But with the rise of this powerful regime also comes the hero who would save us. Though the word “hero” might be a little off to this guy, he’s definitely there to kick Norsefire’s ass.
Wiz: And his name was.. V.
Boomstick: Nothing else?
Wiz: Nope. Just V
Boomstick: Stupid name! Anyways, his background story does make up for it. V’s past history is unknown, but he was one of those poor souls sent by Norsefire to their concentration camps, in which non-whites, smart guys and homosexuals were locked up and killed. There he was forced to endure harsh treatments and was made into a human guinea pig to be experimented upon. Unfortunately for Norsefire, this only made him more pissed, and the more pissed he was, the more he wanted to murder these sons of bitches. After surviving all their experiments, Norsefire just said, “Fuck this, if we can’t kill this guy, let’s just turn him into something useful.” So they gave V a job as a gardener inside the camp. And eventually through time, V gained their trust and plotted his escape. One faithful stormy night, V finally makes his escape by detonating a home-made bomb filled with napalm and mustard gas (which he created from chemicals he stashed as a gardener), killing a lot of people in his wake and burning the damn camp down.
Wiz: After his escape, he then sets his sights on the people who made him suffer and the government they were working for: Norsefire. Wearing his iconic Guy Fawkes mask (which would later become a symbol of anarchy and the Anonymous), black hat and cape, he would finally wage his campaign of terror against Norsefire.
Boomstick: So he’s gonna fight an uber-powerful regime all by himself?
Wiz: Well yes but he does have some advantages. The experiments conducted on V gave him superhuman strength, speed and a mental capacity far beyond our own. With his superb physicality V can outperform any puny Olympic athletes we have today. He’s strong enough to punch through a human body with ease, as well as beating them up like a ragdoll.
Boomstick: Though we don’t know who or what V was before his time in the camp, he has shown a genius-level intellect in demolition, explosives, hacking, literature, politics, martial arts, philosophy, music, chemistry, tracking people down and generally shanking them with knives like a pincushion. For all those ladies who’s interested in this guy, he’s also a big fan of classical music, literature, and stalking cute little girls in back alleyways. No wonder he was put in a detention center… he’s a creepy nerd. Just like Wiz!
Wiz: What the heck Boomstick! Anyways, V’s main weapons are his steely knives. V uses these knives to do… what a knife does off course to shank people. But he can also throw them with blinding speed and succession to the point that he can even outdraw and outgun soldiers with guns. He’s also strong enough to fight a group of soldiers by himself. As an explosive expert, he also uses… well explosives to blow shit up. Besides his uncanny ability to destroy everything he sees, he’s also a proficient master of stealth, able to hide in the dark or in his surroundings to shank unsuspecting fools and infiltrate well-guarded premises. His fighting skills is not only augmented by his strength but also his speed. He’s fast and agile enough to do parkour, and even jumping on a moving bullet train like it was made out of foam. Bullets also don’t help because he’s fast enough to dodge fire from all different directions as well.
Boomstick: Wait what? But didn’t V tanked being shot multiple times in the movie, and had to use a bulletproof vest to protect him that wasn’t actually… bulletproof?
Wiz: That was in the Waschowzki movie. You know how those siblings ruin everything. In the comics, he didn’t need a vest, he was fast enough to dodge gunfire like they were thrown pebbles. He used these powers to wage a one-man war against Norsefire. Killing their army, destroying their buildings, and assassinating their leaders and allies.
Boomstick: And he was also a great speaker. In the movie he uses his magnificent voice to lead the people in finally standing up against Norsefire.
Wiz: Actually Boomstick, while he does uses speech on people (and inanimate objects), he’s NOT the freedom fighter like in that movie.
Boomstick: Oh COME ON!!!
Wiz: Well for one thing, V for Vendetta was actually a British comic book. When the Waschowzki’s got their hands on it well… they turn it into an “American” movie. You see in the original graphic novel, V was not a freedom fighter or hero. He was a psychopathic anarchist and terrorist who killed and tortured innocent people. He didn’t give a damn about freedom, he just wanted to destroy Norsefire.
Boomstick: And I guess Hollywood changed it because… it’s an American film now and Americans don’t like terrorists?
Wiz: Precisely
Boomstick: Well granted, V may be more badass in the comic than in the movie but his goals were still the same. Besides brute strength and violence, he also manipulated people for his own gains. He finally got revenge on his captors and single-handedly killed them in some of the most devious ways possible. Like that time he made a pedophile priest die from the hands of a little girl (hehe) or when he once drove a guy mad by burning his... doll collection? What the fuck?
Wiz: Still, his greatest triumph was finally destroying Norsefire once and for all, but at the cost of his own life. While he didn’t have that badass last stand against an army of policemen like in the film, in the graphic novel his sacrifice was simpler. He just allowed a good-natured detective to shoot him.
Boomstick: THAT’S!... Actually a very lame way to die.
Wiz: Less badass I know. But it’s actually more practical than… say letting people shoot you with machine guns and hope to survive it.
Boomstick: Before dying, he gave his mantle to Evey; his female prodigy slash jailbait.
Wiz: And the fall of Norsefire symbolized V’s greatest feat. But that feat was not as perfect as you might think. While it was impressive, he still needed a 5-year long prep to do it. Almost all of his actions, such as choosing a successor or demolishing stuffs, were planned from the start. We still don’t know how smart he is under natural circumstances.
Boomstick: V’s also hardly that invincible. While he has superhuman strength and speed, he still died from one gunshot wound like a normal-ass person. The experiments also drove him crazy, unpredictable and remorseless. If he’s not talking to himself in poetic bullshit, you’d either see him creeping the shit out of a teenage girl or talking to a fucking statue like an idiot. This is the reason why I don’t read poetry… they’re weird, lame and WILL drive you crazy.
Wiz: But above all else, V’s accomplishments outweighs his faults. While there’s only a thin line if you compare him to Osama Bin Laden, V’s tactical genius and superhuman physicality is a poison to every tyrannical government he might come across.
I'll admit that anyone can make a mistake once, to go on making the same lethal errors century after century seems to me nothing short of deliberate. - V
Battle[]
Wiz: All right the combatants are set. Let’s end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It’s time for a DEATH BATTLE!!!!
In a silent British countryside in the middle of the night, a small isolated warehouse stood lonely as the cold breeze passed by. The silence however was disrupted by men scurrying about. Inside were 5 well-armed Black Knight soldiers and with them was none other than Prince Lelouch vi Britannia himself. They were transporting crates and boxes through and fro the warehouse, making a ruckus which echoed steadily in the silent provincial air. In the middle of the warehouse stood a giant white boardwalk with a decorated throne on top. A white throne fitting only for an Emperor.
“Be careful with that throne. That throne will save this country,” Lelouch said to his knights.
“Yes sir,” said one knight. “We can't seem to shake off the feeling sir… that you and Suzaku Kururugi are planning something.”
Hearing this, Lelouch made a bright yet tearful smile at them and said, “Tomorrow will be remembered in history gentlemen. It will be the day that the people will be finally free. Be sure to be there with your family to witness the event.”
And with that, the knights continued their work. But suddenly the lights started to flicker out before the warehouse went black. Lelouch and his men were startled, but they quickly turn on their lamps to enlighten the darkened warehouse.
To their shock, in front of them stood 4 strange people. They were wearing creepy Guy Fawkes mask and civilian clothes. And they stared at them stoically. “Who are you?!” Lelouch said in anxiety.
The masked men leaned their heads and continued their creepy stare. They then started to murmur… and murmur… and murmur… louder and louder until it turned into a whisper… then turned into moans. “Remember, remember, the fifth of November…” they said before suddenly grabbing their submachine guns and firing at Lelouch and his knights.
One knight was riddled with bullets and fell dead before he can react. Lelouch and the rest of the knights took cover behind the crates. “Keep your head down sir!” one of the knights said on the panicking Lelouch. The knights retaliated by drawing their own submachine guns and firing back. One creepy masked dude fell after getting his brains penetrated by lead and the rest of them fell back.
Pissed, Lelouch stood up as bullets whizzed and flew everywhere. His knights yelled at him to stay back but he just walked into the center of the gunfight, determed to finish this before anyone else hear this nuisance. Lelouch then made a pose and swayed his hands gracefully, “I Lelouch vi Britannia orders you to KILL YOURSELVES!!!”
And instantly, all of the masked men froze solid. They then picked up their guns and aimed it at their heads. Laughing maniacally, they all fired their weapons and each one fell dead on the floor. “This isn’t good,” Lelouch thought. “Nobody should have known this place!”
The knights then approached him… shaken with what they saw but still focused for anything. But before they can all regroup, a knife suddenly flew out, hitting a knight in the eye and he fell dead with a loud cry. “What was that?!” One knight said before a knife flew and struck his neck, killing him. “Sir get down!” said another knight before he too got hit with a knife in the crotch and another at his face. “Damn it!” Lelouch said. In panic and fear, one knight tried to flush the invisible enemy by spraying his machine gun throughout the warehouse. But he too fell when another knife struck him straight in the chest.
Lelouch was surprised though unfazed. He stood strong and firm as his eyes searches the dark warehouse for his opponent. “Who are you? Show yourself!” he said. And from the darkness in front of him, another masked man approaches. The man covered himself with a black cloak, a long hair and a black hat. And it sent chills through Lelouch's spine.
Taking off his hat, the gentleman bowed down to introduce himself. “A pleasurable evening to all of you living and the dead. I am the humble V, at your service,” the man said with a fancy yet sexy voice.
Lelouch smugs at V while flicking his hair. “I know I can draw you out this easily. All assassins crave to see the faces of their victims before killing them. Normal yet predictable…”
V then looked at him, his eyes black as the darkness surrounding him. “As you say boy. Though I feel that I shouldn’t be here in the first place. Do you also feel this? This aweful feeling that someone placed us both here to fight to the death.”
“Do NOT call me your ‘boy’. I am Lelouch vi Britannia… and I don’t care.” Lelouch said. Now with his enemy right in front of him, Lelouch poised himself up gracefully. He then flickered his hair more and his eyes glowed into a different color. Twirling his hands gracefully through the air, he then yells, “With the power of my Geass, I command you to EMASCULATE YOURSELF WITH THOSE KNIVES.”
.........
For a short period of time both just looked at each other. It seems that nothing happened. Lelouch tried to geass him again with another sissy pose…. but still nothing. V just looks at him, obviously confused with what he was doing.
“Are you...?” V asked. “What are you doing?”
Lelouch couldn't believe that his power was not working. Panicking, he tried a third time but failed again. As darkness started creeping in and the remaining lights also started flickering out, still nothing was happening.
V can only look at him, but then a realization hits him and he froze solid. Lelouch watches carefully… hoping that the geass finally worked.
“Oh, now I see. You’re a… say… you’re a gay aren’t you?” V suddenly asked.
‘Wait… what?” Lelouch replied.
“And you look like a good ballerina too. Such grace! Such poise! Such vigor! I tell you dear boy! You would have been a great ballerina in another life.”
“What the Hell are you talking about?!”
With a new found discovery and enthusiasm of the kid, V started to approach him with open arms. “It’s okay my dear feminine friend. I have met both homosexuals and male dancers in my time at the fascist camps. They too only wanted to show the world their true selves and talents. And you should do it too...”
“Shut up! I am not gay!” Lelouch said visibly pissed.
“I can see now why you act this way. You feel like society has robbed you… left you… and discarded you for who you are. But please kid… violence is not the way. You can still achieve your dreams of being who you truly are… a WONDERFUL… BEAUTIFUL BALLERINA! Someday the world will accept you. For you are not alone.”
“Dammit SHUT UP!” Lelouch said before drawing his pistol and firing at V. Bullets sprayed all throughout the room, but V just dodged it like there were nothing. “DIE DIE DIE!!!” Lelouch said.
But V retaliated by cooking off a grenade and tossing it at Lelouch. The unsuspecting Lelouch didn’t even see the grenade flew overhead as it explodes. And the blast and fragments shredded Lelouch’s eyes; blinding him and giving searing pain. Lelouch can only yell in pain as he completely lost his sights, but nonetheless continued to blindly fire his weapon.
V then started walking casually towards Lelouch's as his bullets whizzed and missed. Putting down his hat in grief, V said, “This isn’t the way boy. You could have been something better and more beautiful than this…”
“DAMN IT SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!!” Lelouch shouted in pain.
Then V quickly dashed towards Lelouch and… with his knife… sliced off Lelouch’s hand and disarmed him, before he pummeled Lelouch in the face. Lelouch can only cry loudly as the pain was too unbearable and immense. But it wasn’t over yet.
Picking Lelouch up by his cheeks, V caresses the poor boy’s face in order to calm him down. “P-please… don’t do this. I-I… I’m Lelouch vi Britannia. Emperor of the Holy Britannian Empire. I’ll give you whatever you want. Just… please….” Lelouch said tearfully and hopelessly.
V wipes Lelouch’s tears with his fingers and pets the scared boy. “Poor soul. You could have been a great ballerina…”
“F-f-… Fuck you!” Lelouch shouted in defiance. “You’ll pay for this. My army will find you. They will kill you, your family, your friends, and anyone you know! Your carcass will be drawn out and quartered, and it will be hung right there in my own throne and everyone else will know how crazy and stupid…”
But before he can finish, V then plunges his thumbs right into Lelouch’s colorful eyes. Lelouch yelled a loud animalistic scream as strong firm thumbs penetrated and gouged his eyes. V then finally finishes him off by twisting his neck. “Nunnally…” Lelouch's mouth uttered before he fell down dead.
With the boy dead, V walks out of the warehouse and into the cold dark night, wiping the blood on his cloak. “Remember, Remember, the 5th of November, the gunpowder treason and plot. I know of no reason why the gunpowder treason should ever be forgot.”
Conclusion[]
Wiz: Oh my god…
Boomstick: You okay Wiz?
Wiz: (shaken) I think I’m gonna be sick…
Boomstick: Dude are you alright? You don’t look too good. (Hey guys. I think Wiz is traumatized by that battle). It’s gonna be alright buddy help is on the way.
Wiz: I want my mommy (sob)
Boomstick: Oooookay. Well that kinda sums it all up. Lelouch is no doubt the smarter and more devious of the two. Still, V was also smart himself while beating Lelouch in almost every category from strength, speed, combat experience, brutality…
Wiz: So much blooooooood…..
Boomstick: You guys might be thinking why Lelouch couldn’t fucking mind control that masked bastard. Well you have to remember that in order for the geass to work, it needs a very straight line of sight and direct eye contact. Without eye contact the geass just wouldn’t work.
Wiz: Sheeps and stones may break my bones….
Boomstick: And Lelouch could never get the direct eye contact that he needed. V was wearing a mask which blotted out his eyes. You see, in the comics, readers could never see V’s eyes. His eyes were nothing but black voids, and so there was nothing for Lelouch’s sigils to aim at. It also doesn’t help that V himself was a master of stealth and darkness, making it way more difficult for Lelouch to see him and geass him.
Wiz: I got the whole world… in my hands…
Boomstick: With his superhuman speed and variety of grenades (like flashbangs for example), V would have no doubt dodged and neutralized Lelouch's geass. Also, a key factor is that Lelouch still needed the assistance of his friends and allies (as well as huge amounts of luck and roulette) for his plans to take effect, while V kinda does it all by himself and still achieves it in a shorter amount of time. Overall, V is just more cunning and resourceful than Lelouch. If things didn't go well for each other's plans, V would have been the first one to quickly adapt.
Boomstick: Looks like Lelouch had ZERO chance of surviving this.
Wiz: Just think of a happy place… just think of a happy place….
Boomstick: The winner is V from Vendetta.
