Punch-Out vs Pokémon! Nintendo's boxers enters the ring of Death to knock each other out!
Wiz: Boxing is one of the most popular sports in the world, and in the world of video games, no two boxers are more famous than these two.
Boomstick: Little Mac, the Champion of the WVBA
Wiz: And Hitmonchan, the punching Pokémon
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Wiz: In the world of Punch-Out, there is only one boxer that can rule them all.
Boomstick: The most ripped 17 year old in the world, Little Mac.
Wiz: But things didn't start out that way. No boxing coach in New York would even take him seriously.
Boomstick: Understandable since he's short
Wiz: Actually, Mac is 5'8", which is pretty average. "Little" refers to his underdog status. Anyway, things changed when he met Doc Louis.
Boomstick: The fattest boxing coach on the planet. Come to think of it, this is sounding a lot like Rocky...
Wiz: Doc trained him so well, he has somehow gained superhuman powers.
Boomstick: Now how the hell does that work?
Wiz: I don't know but he has access to his trademark Star Punch which, after hitting the opponent at the right time, allows a powerful punch that can knock out some opponents in one punch. He can also has the rapid punch combo, which does exactly what you think it does.
Boomstick: His Rising Uppercut, shoots him straight up in the air with a powerful uppercut to jaw, and his Jolt Haymaker, which has him flying forward while leaping over projectiles for a strong punch. He can even fake out his enemies with a Slip Counter. He can also charge up a punch that sends him flying forward called the straight lunge.
Wiz: One of his strongest moves, the KO Punch, has a meter that charges itself throughout a battle, to unleash a blow that will send anyone in it's path sky high.
Boomstick: But all of that's nothing to his ultimate form-Giga Mac. Also known as the Hulk with boxing gloves
Wiz: Giga Mac's power is ENOURMOUS. All of his moves are amplified and he doesn't flinch when hit.
Boomstick: When he isn't the size of my ex-wife, he's extremely fast. He's also beaten some of the weirdest guys in fiction. Here's a list of the guys he's beat.
- Piston Honda(Outran a bullet train)
- Don Flomenco(Punched a bull out of an arena)
- Soda Popinski( Used a soda steroid thing)
- Bald Bull(Charges with the might of a bull)
- Mr. Sandman(destroyed a building in a fit of rage)
- Mr. Dream(Can OHKO Mac)
- Mike Tyson(No explanation needed)
Boomstick: He even beat Donkey Kong! And he's a starb-
Wiz: Nononononononono! First, he isn't a star buster, and second, while beating a giant gorilla who is somehow intelligent enough to learn how to box is nothing to sneeze at, there's no doubt he was holding back in that fight.
Boomstick: Off topic a second, was that a Russian super soldier he fought? This really IS a rip off of Rocky!
Wiz: Although he has defeated impossible odds, he isn't flawless. Far from it. He's kind of a glass cannon at times, and is TERRIBLE at fighting airborne opponenets
Doc: You ain't no air fighter Mac!
Boomstick: Ah who cares if he's bad a punching birds, he's still a badass in my book
Little Mac runs past the Statue of Liberty in his jog suit
Wiz: Pokémon hosts many strange creatures, from the cute to the absurd.
Boomstick: On the absurd we have a Pokémon that boxes. And has boxing gloves. How the fu-
Wiz: Regardless of weird designs for a wild animal, he should not be underestimated. It has access to many types of punching moves, like Thunder Punch, Fire Punch, Ice Punch, and Mach Punch. Mach Punch is absolutely guaranteed to strike first.
Boomstick: It also has Close Combat, a move so fast it is INVISIBLE TO THE HUMAN EYE! The downside is that it lowers both of his defenses. His Sky Uppercut sends him into the air with a powerful uppercut and this is sounding familiar...
Wiz: That move came before Mac's. Anyway, he has the move Counter, which tanks a physical attack than deals double the damage. It also has Detect, which can shield it from any move. But the more it's used, the less likely it is to work.
Boomstick: Weirdly enough his strongest stat isn't his attack although it's only behind by like 5 points. His strongest is Special Defense, meaning he's good at tanking projectiles. As mentioned before he can punch faster than the human eye can track, but running speed just isn't his strong spot.
Wiz: Which leads into some of his weaknesses. He is weak to flying, fairy, and psychic types.
Boomstick: Oh what the hell, this guy is weak to FAIRIES?!
Wiz: Well fairies in the Pokémon universe beat Dragon types so it's sort of understandable.
Boomstick: Oh, OK. Wait wha-
Wiz: He also has pitiful HP, meaning it doesn't take long to take him out. The Pokedex also states that he can only fight for about 3 minutes before having to take a break.
Boomstick: Fuckin pussy.
Wiz: Even with these weakness Hitmonchan is still one of the best boxers in fiction
Wiz: Alright the combatants are set, let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!
GameboyAdv: Alright it's time for a great boxing match between the Champ Little Mac and a challenger Hitmonchan!
Ahomeschoolingroudon: You may be wondering why we let wild animals compete in this, but we let a guy use a weapon and an ape fight here at the WVBA so no reason to stop being stupid now.
GBA: This should be a fight to remember guys!
HSG: Yeah right. I'm gonna go get a vodka before this.
GBA: Why do you need that?
HSG: Because YOU'RE writing this fight.
GBA: Hey! Wait this just got weird...
Little Mac and Hitmonchan are standing opposite to one another in a boxing ring
Hitmonchan gets in a Mach Punch then starts comboing Little Mac. It finishes off with a Thunder Punch and sends mac flying into the ropes.
GBA: That had to hurt ladies and gentlemen!
HSG: I hate you.
Mac gets up and charges at Hitmonchan and begins his rapid punch combo, which is met by a Close Combat. Their punches meet each other, Hitmonchan punching faster, but Mac harder. Chan eventually gives in due to his lowered defense and Mac rapidly smacks him with a flurry of punches to the stomach and face
HSG: Woo. Go. I'm so entertained. yawns
Chan gets up and hits Mac with a flurry of Ice and Fire Punches doing considerable damage to Mac. Mac gets up and keeps fighting, blocking and dodging hits the way he's done all his career. He punches Chan just right and gets a Star. He lets it loose and follows it up with a Rising Uppercut
GBA: Holy shit! This is getting heated!
HSG: If you had made that when he punched fire I would have stabbed you in the throat with my vodka glass.
GBA: I think you have a problem
Chan uses Close Combat and hits Mac dozens of times. Mac then pretends to be defeated while Chan begins to throw a final punch. Mac uses his Slip Counter and delivered multiple punches to the Punching Pokémon's face. Chan then decides to use Sky Uppercut, which nearly takes Mac down.
GBA: Is he out for the count?
HSG: We should "count" how many fucks I give
Mac opens his eyes and knows it's time. He begins to transform into Giga Mac. He lets out a roar. Chan charges at him and delivers a series of punches that don't do much. Chan begins to feel tired and looks up at Mac as he charges up a straight lunge. He lets it loose, causing Hitmonchan's torso to be bust into bits, with his limbs scattered around the rings. His head flew up and hit Groudon in the face.
HSG: Fucking fuckshit!
Boomstick: Yeah, best boxing match EVER!
Wiz: This was pretty close. Hitmonchan had faster combat speed while Little Mac had harder hitting punches. Giga Mac on the other hand completely stomped all competition. Another thing is that Hitmonchan getting tired after three minutes doesn't help at all. Also, Little Mac has kept up with people faster than the eye can see, like Hitmonchan.
Boomstick: Looks like Hitmonchan got punched the fuck out.
Wiz: The winner is Little Mac.