Lorelei vs Malva
Season 5, Episode 2
Vital statistics
Air date May 5, 2016
Written by Maxevil
Directed by Maxevil
Episode guide
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Oogie Boogie vs Randall Boggs (Season 5 Starter) Petey Piranha vs Mr. Patch

Lorelei vs Malva is a What-If? Death Battle.


These two sexy members of their Elite Four groups duke it out to see who is superior.


Wiz: The Elite Four, each Pokemon region from Kanto to Kalos has at least four.

Boomstick: But for this Death Battle, we are pitting these two hotties against each other. Lorelei, the voluptuous Ice Queen from Kanto...

Wiz: ...and Malva, the News Reporter from Kalos. Now for a fair fight, they will only have the same number of Pokemon to battle, and since Malva has four Pokemon on her, that means Lorelei can only use four of her own.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.


Wiz: Born on Four Island of the Sevii Islands, Lorelei is the first member of the Kanto region's Elite four you face.

Boomstick: And maybe if one guy were to win the entire Pokemon League, one guy would be more than happy to go motor-boating on her big Pokeballs.

(shows a picture of Red planting his face in Lorelei's cleavage)

Wiz: Ahem, moving on, we know she uses five Pokemon against the trainer, but because her opponent in this fight has four Pokemon, Lorelei is allowed to have four Pokemon on her as well.

Boomstick: And the four for this fight sre the four most recurring Pokemon from the games between Dewgong, Cloyster, Jynx, and Lapras. They all commonly know Ice Beam, an Ice move that does certain damage with a 10% chance of freezing the opponent, but they know certain other moves, both alone and commonly with the certain ally or two.

Wiz: Starting with Dewgong, it knows Signal Beam a bug type move that deals damage with a 10% chance of confusing the opponent; it also knows Double Team, a move that can increase its evasiveness by one stage when it creates certain duplicate illusions; and the last move it knows, along with Cloyster and Lapras is Surf, a water type move that deals certain damage but does not give any other effects.

Boomstick: Speaking of Cloyster, this giant oyster knows 2 exclusive moves from the team: Rain Dance, a water type move that doubles the power of Water type damaging attacks and cut the power of the Fire type moves and even solar beam move in half; and it knows Supersonic, a normal move that cause the opponent confusion for up to five turns.

Wiz: Jynx's three moves include the following: Lovely Kiss, its very own exclusive move that can put the opponent to sleep for a certain number of turns as well, Attract, a non-damaging move that can cause the opponent of the opposite gender to be infatuated until either opponent of the time gets defeated, and the last move that it and Lapras knows is of course Psychic, a move that does certain damage with 10% of a chance of lowering the opponent's Special Defense.

Boomstick: Speaking of Lapras, Lorelei's strongest Pokemon has the fourth unique move out of the team known as Thunder, an Electric type move that does major damage with a 30% chance of paralyzing the foe unless it is an electric type. Now how the hell does a Water Pokemon that knows an electric move not get electrocuted itself from its own move?

Wiz: Lorelei is calculating and cool when it comes to fights, and in the anime when she was under the name Prima, she single-handedly defeated Ash's best Pokemon, Pikachu with her Cloyster.

Boomstick: Now this is a kind of gal with a nice rack I wouldn't mind losing to again and again.

Meowth: "By the way, do you have any of your lectures on CD?"

Lorelei: "Tape only! ($18.95)."


Wiz: Malva is a member of the Kalos region's elite four, and when she is not doing elite four business, she is usually a News Reporter in the player's Holo Caster.

Boomstick: A pretty hot reporter, too like one of my favorite voluptuous Waifus.

Wiz: And even though she is friendly towards the trainer at times, she does hold a certain hatred towards the same trainer she is friendly to at times, because of one thing.

Boomstick: Despite being an Elite four member and a News Reporter, she is a member of X and Y's evil Pokemon team organization, Team Flare.

Wiz: When fighting her opponents, she has four Pokemon on her between Pyroar, Torcoal, Chandelure, and her strongest, Tomahawk.

Boomstick: Starting with Pyroar, it has 3 moves that it exclusively knows compared to its teammates, Hyper Voice which deals damage to most Pokemon but will not damage Pokemon with Soundproof Ability; It also knows Wild Charge, an electric attack that can cause damage to the fores, as well as one quarter of damage to its user. Pretty lame if you ask me, it also know Noble Roar, a none damaging move that can lower the foe's Attack and Special Attack. But wait, it also knows a fourth move, but it has the same move as Chandelure That will be brought up later on, which is Flamethrower.

Wiz: Her Torcoal has four exclusive moves of its own, such as Curse in which it will decrease its own Speed but make up for it with increase of Attack and Defense; It also knows its only Fire move, Flame Wheel, and it can cause geokinetic damage to its foes with Stone Edge and Earthquake.

Boomstick: Chandelure's other three moves along with it's flamethrower include Confide to lower the foe's Special Defense, Confuse Ray to put confusion on the foes for a certain number of turns, and it's only other damaging move Shadow Ball. If you ask me again, that creep never deserved to be in the roster of Pokken Tournament.

Wiz: And her last Pokemon, Tomahawk, has four moves exclusive to itself as well, such as Quick Attack, which can give out first attack on the opponent, as well as its Brave Bird and Flare Blitz, both deal good damage to the foes but can also inflict recoil damage to Tomahawk for using them, and when its low on HP, it can have enough power to unleash flail. While Malva may seem nice to the trainer at times, even when battling, she is still a member of Team Flare, so she may give info to her team to defeat the trainer if given the chance.

Boomstick: And that is Bad News.



Wiz: All right, the Combatants are set, let's end the debate once and for all.

Boomstick: It's time for a Death Battle!


We open up to see a beautiful summer day at a tropical beach, where we see people and certain of their Pokémon having a fun time doing various beach activities that each of them have in stored for themselves. But just then there comes a pink haired woman in a black bikini top and donning on a red bikini bottom, and she was wearing red colored sunglasses over her eyes. That girl’s name is Malva.

Malva: Hey everybody did this beach get hot around here or is it just me?!

A few guys and some of their Pokémon like Feraligatr, Machamp, and even Conkeldurr, came with hearts on their eyes, admiring the pink haired trainer who was giggling to herself on the load she scored.

????: Oh hello everyone.

Just as the sound was heard, Malva’s personal herd deserted her to the voice source that was from the opposite direction that came from a voluptuous woman sporting glasses, has red hair, sporting a pair of blue evening gloves and a one piece suit that was red on the top half where her cleavage is and the bottom half is black colored, that woman’s name is Lorelei. And just like that, the herd of men was already swarming Lorelei with sprinkling hearts flying above them, including one old man that is sporting what looks like a turtle shell on his back.

Malva: (as she gets furious) Hey, missy, this is my spot, you go find your own.

Lorelei: (calmly) But this beach belongs to the public for all to enjoy.

Malva: (calming down) Okay, you raise a good point, nevertheless, how about we decide who the queen of this beach is in a four-on-four Pokémon Battle?

Lorelei: I was hoping to relax, but fine, if it’s a battle you want, then it’s one you will get.

Guy: Yeah, Glameow fight!

(Cue the Kalos Gym Leader Battle theme from Pokémon X & Y)

Lorelei: 4 Malva: 4

Both Femme Fatale trainers grab a PokéBall at the ready.


Lorelei: Jynx, I choose you.

Out of the ball comes a purple face humanoid creature with the lightest shade of yellow hair, sporting what looks like a red dress, named Jynx.

Malva: Let’s go, Chandelure.

And out of that ball is what looks like a purple ghostly chandelier with a face on it armed with three purple flames, named Chandelure.

Lorelei: Jynx, use Lovely Kiss.

Jynx prepare to pucker its lips and charges at Chandelure.

Malva: Use Confuse Ray, Chandelure.

Chandelure emits rings of glowing purplish black rays that hit Jynx, causing it to get confused and kiss the man in the turtle shell by mistake.

Malva: Now use Flamethrower.

Chandelure uses its Flamethrower attack and K.O.’d Jynx in one shot.

Lorelei: Jynx, return and get a good rest.

Lorelei: 3 Malva: 4

Lorelei then grabs another PokéBall.

Lorelei: Let’s do this, Dewgong.

Out of the ball comes what appears to be a big white seal with a small horn and a mermaid like fin, named Dewgong.

Malva: Now Chandelure, use Confuse Ray.

Chandelure tries this attack again, but just then…

Lorelei: Dewgong, use Double Team.

Then Dewgong created a pair of false illusions of itself, thus causing Chandelure’s Confuse Ray to hit one of the Illusions, leaving with two left.

Malva: Try and use Shadow Ball on one of them.

Chandelure does so on one of the two Dewgong, only for the Dewgong that touched the Shadow Ball to disappear.

Lorelei: Alright, Dewgong, use Surf.

Dewgong then summons a tidal wave of water to hit Chandelure with, K.O.’ing it in one shot.

Malva: Chandelure, return to your ball, you did the best you could.

Lorelei: 3 Malva: 3

Malva grabs another PokéBall.

Malva: Come on out, Pyroar!

Then arrive what appears to be a lioness with a stream of red and yellow hair that resembled fire, named Pyroar.

Malva: Pyroar, use Wild Charge.

Pyroar charges at Dewgong, but then…

Lorelei: Dewgong, use Double Team.

Dewgong obeyed again, but this time however, Pyroar managed to hit all three Dewgongs with its Wild Charge attack, including the illusions, then the white seal was K.O.’d with sparks around its body.

Lorelei: Here Dewgong, return and get some good rest now, okay?

Lorelei: 2 Malva: 3

Lorelei then reaches for another PokéBall.

Lorelei: Here we go, Cloyster.

Out of that ball comes what appears to be an indigo colored oyster with a black head inside that sports a singular spike, named Cloyster.

Malva: Use Wild Charge on that one, Pyroar.

Pyroar then tries to charge at Cloyster, but then…

Lorelei: Supersonic, Cloyster.

Cloyster then emits a wave of circular soundwaves to hit Pyroar, causing it to be confused and run into a tree by accident and getting hit in recoil from the confusion.

Lorelei: Now Cloyster use Surf.

Cloyster then unleashes a tidal wave of water to K.O. Pyroar.

Malva: Here Pyroar, you may return to your ball and get some rest now.

Lorelei: 2 Malva: 2

Malva gets her third ball at the ready.

Malva: Your turn now, Torcoal.

Coming out of the ball is what appears to be red-orange tortoise in a dark brown shell with smoke emitting from the tip top shape of the shell, named Torcoal.

Malva: Torcoal use Curse.

Torcoal immediately does so and reduces its speed, but increases its Attack and Defense.

Lorelei: Use Rain Dance, Cloyster.

Cloyster then summons rain clouds to bring out a rain storm.

Malva: Torcoal, use Stone edge.

Torcoal then summons pillars of stones, they hit Cloyster, but the big oyster is still up and ready for more despite the heavy damage it took.

Lorelei: Now use Surf.

Cloyster summons another tidal wave, and yet Torcoal’s Curse was not enough to avoid being K.O.’d by Surf, especially with Rain Dance involved.

Malva: Torcoal, you can return to your ball and rest.

Lorelei: 2 Malva: 1

Malva grabs her last PokéBall.

Malva: You’re my last hope, Tomahawk.

Out of Malva’s last ball was a red and white hawk, named Tomahawk.

Malva: Tomahawk, use Brave Bird.

Then Tomahawk immediately charged at Cloyster, instantly K.O.’ing it, but received recoil damage from getting itself slashed in the wing from one of the spikes from Cloyster’s Shell.

Lorelei: Return and rest easy, Cloyster, you did your best.

Lorelei: 1 Malva: 1

(Cue Burning Battlefield from the Pokémon Anime)

Lorelei grabs her last PokéBall.

Lorelei: It’s now or never, Lapras.

Out of the ball comes what looks like a blue Loch Ness like creature with a cream colored under belly and lower jaw, also sporting an indigo colored saddle like back, it was Lapras.

Malva: Tomahawk use Brave Bird on it now.

Tomahawk charges at Lapras and hits it, but Lapras has plenty of fight in it while Tomahawk gets recoil damage.

Lorelei: Now Lapras, use Thunder.

Lapras then summons a Thunder Attack that hits Tomahawk, who does survive the attack only to be paralyzed.

Malva: Tomahawk, are you okay?

Tomahawk tries to get up, but the shocks were too much.

Lorelei: Now use Ice Beam, Lapras.

Lapras the opens its mouth to produce a glowing ball of ice and it hit Tomahawk, causing it to be K.O.’d.

Lorelei: 1 Malva: 0

Lorelei: You did it, Lapras, I am proud of you. You may return to your PokéBall.

Malva: You better return to your ball too, Tomahawk, you did great, now get some rest.

Lorelei: (turning to Malva with an open hand of agreement) No hard feelings?

Malva: (accepting the handshake) No hard feelings at all, sorry about the ruckus.

Lorelei: Don’t worry about it, let’s settle this over some good smoothies, my treat, what do you say.

Malva: Sure.

Then the two Femme Fatales started to walk over to a snack bar with the same herd of guys following them in lovey dovey hovering with hearts in their eyes.



Boomstick: Yeah, another chic with a sexy rack wins!

Wiz: While Malva had the most different moves for her four Pokemon, Lorelei had plenty of experience.

Boomstick: Not to mention more Pokemon like her Slowbro and her Piloswine that were not added in.

Wiz: But it doesn't matter, because the only Pokemon of Lorelei's that Malva's Pokemon had advantAGE of the most is Jynx, while the other three get their fair share of damage against all the fire Pokemon, because they are also Water Pokemon.

Boomstick: Malva was all burned out.


Wiz: The Winner is Lorelei.


  • This is Maxevil's Eighty Second Death Battle.