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Ness vs. Razputin

Ness vs. Razputin
Season 1, Episode 1
Vital statistics
Air date September 16th, 2016
Written by AngryLittleYoshi
Directed by AngryLittleYoshi
Episode guide
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N/A Ladybug vs. Spiderman


"EarthBound versus Psychonauts! Two psychokinetic teenagers enter, one leaves. Who has the better of the two minds and more importantly, who has the abilities to win a Death Battle?"


Eddie: Psychokinesis. The very definition is "the supposed ability to move objects by mental effort alone" and you'd think it's an ability no human should have. But throughout the years, new psychokinetics have risen and fallen, but two have been prominent in recent years. 

Magnum: One of them is Ness, a youngster from the fictional town of Onett, Eagleland.

Eddie: And the other is Razputin Aquato, a member of the elite psychic group known as the Psychonauts. I'm Eddie.

Magnum: And I'm Magnum. It's our jobs - well, mostly Eddie's - to analyze both of these combatants' weapons, powers, armor, skills, and other abilities to find out who would emerge victorious in a little something we call...

BOTH: Death Battle!

Eddie: What was that last bit?


Eddie: In the stereotypical post apocalyptic future, the evil Giygas ruled the world. He controlled the minds of innocent humans, animals, and even living piles of puke in order to gain prominence and power. That was until it was discovered that the Apple of Enlightenment foretold Giygas's demise at the hands of the Chosen Four.

Magnum: Turns out the Chosen Four were really just a buncha kids with special abilities. Where was this prophecy when I was in school? I'd be the leader of that crap ASAP! 

Eddie: Anyways, a warrior known as Buzz Buzz shot him backwards in time to the year 199X in search of the Chosen Four. What ended happening was a meteorite crash that unfortunately turned Buzz Buzz into a bee but thankfully it landed above the house of Ness, one of the Chosen Four.

Magnum: Wait...Doc Brown wasn't f'ing insane! Time travel DOES do stuff to your head! Besides that, the meteorite crash gave Ness psychokinetic powers known as PK...or PSI if you played just EarthBound.

(Music: EarthBound/MOTHER 2 - Attract Mode)

Eddie: He's got a variety of them at his disposal, including PK Flash, which can cause a random effect and be moved about to deal more damage. Ness also has access to the elemental abilities PK Fire and PK Freeze which do what they say on the box, but PK Fire can send a pillar of fire up from where it hits.

Magnum: Not to mention his signature PK Rockin, an attack so powerful it can cause shockwaves and huge amounts of damage! And also headaches if you stare at it for too long. Sweet Jesus, I should lie down. Can you finish the analysis, Eddie?

[SFX: Door closing, impact on a bed]

Eddie: He'll be alright. Ness also has PK Starstorm, which can rain down stars hard enough to bounce combatant Donkey Kong around, and PK Thunder, a ball of thunder that can be controlled and then hit into him to propel him forward.

Detailed Analysis


  • Age: 13
  • Height: Around 24 BMI
  • Weight:

The Battle

Eddie: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.

Magnum: It's time for a DEATH BATTLE!


Onett, Eagleland 

Present day

A few baseballs are seen flying through the air as Ness successfully hits them all back, hitting down targets. He then wipes sweat from his brow and then sits down on a bench, reaching for a burger [wrapped in packaging reading "SERVICE WITH A SMILE, SMILE!"] and a can of juice before the lunchbox is knocked from his hands, shocking him. Ness recovers the lunchbox but pulls out a baseball bat in his other hand and is prepared to fight. A shadow is then seen as the lunchbox is carefully placed on the ground and Ness readies his bat as Raz rushes towards him, only to be hit in the face by the melee weapon. "Hey! Watch where you point that thing, you runt!" Raz shouted as he pulled down his goggles and entered a fighting stance.


Raz grabs Ness with PSI Hands and then throws him about the arena, yawning while he does so and not realizing Ness used PK Magnet to suck away some of his energy. This allows Ness to escape with Raz giving chase soon after and the two hit each other with constant shots of psychokinetic energy.

Ness awoke and realized he had landed on something soft.