| Paige vs. Freddy Krueger | |
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| Season 2, Episode 5 | |
Vital statistics
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| Air date | February 10th, 2015 |
| Written by | ParaGoomba348 |
| Directed by | Anonymous |
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| Renji Abarai vs. Kyoko Sakura | Cell vs. Mewtwo |
Paige vs. Freddy Krueger is a What-If? Episode of Death Battle featuring Paige from Don't Hug Me I'm Scared against Freddy Krueger from A Nightmare on Elm Street.
Description[]
Don't Hug Me I'm Scared vs. A Nightmare On Elm Street! 2spooky4me, man!
Interlude[]
Wiz: Nightmares - the very banes of our existence that fuel our fear.
Boomstick: And today, we've got quite the nightmarish battle! Paige, the psychopathic sketchpad-
Wiz: And Freddy Krueger, the nightmare killer.
Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!
Wiz: It is our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to see who would win in a Death Battle.
Paige[]
Wiz: The day was June 19th, and three friends were sitting around a table, bored and without an activity.
Boomstick: And then out of nowhere this talking sketchpad just started singing in what seemed to be a foreign Sesame Street knock-off!
Wiz: This sketchpad went by the fitting name Paige. She sang about creativity, and how these three friends were horribly uninformed about it.
Boomstick: And apparently green isn't a creative color.
Wiz: But as her song went on, it became apparent that Paige clearly wasn't all there. She would get angry whenever someone went against her idea of creativity, and after just a few minutes things got... bizarre.
Boomstick: Everyone just looked different, and they started acting in very sadistic ways. Like apparently taking human organs and eating them in cakes! It was demented.
Wiz: And then Paige left us with one thing: To agree to never be creative again.
Boomstick: And that's why I don't trust sketchpads anymore.
Wiz: Paige is no ordinary sketchpad. Fans of Don't Hug Me I'm Scared have theorized that she is nothing more than just a dream, or a hallucination. But theories aside, she's shown us to have very odd powers. She can create or manipulate objects from out of nowhere despite being just a sketchpad, and can apparently move around on her own.
Boomstick: How does she do that?! She's a sketchpad! Holy fu- IS SHE DISTORTING REALITY ITSELF?!
Wiz: Apparently so. Paige's true abilities are very difficult to measure, as she only appeared in a four-minute video where her true powers were only demonstrated for about thirty seconds. However, she was able to change the setting, brainwash the three friends, pull organs out of nowhere, and basically manipulate the reality around her. She's very creative.
Boomstick: LET'S GET CREATIVE!
Wiz: No don't fall for it Boomstick!
Boomstick: GET CREATIVE!
Wiz: Noooooo! Oh, whatever. Even though Paige's true abilities seem to be scary, she's actually not as horrifying as she may appear to be. When it comes down to it... she's a sketchpad.
Boomstick: I noticed that already...
Wiz: I did too. But she's not any ordinary sketchpad. She's a creative one.
Paige: Now let's all agree to never be creative again.
Freddy[]
Wiz: Born Frederick Charles Krueger, the nightmare killer's story starts out just as horrifying as it is now.
Boomstick: He... was kinda a victim of gang rape. On a place called, surprise surprise, Elm Street. Oh, that's why they call it that.
Wiz: Throughout his life, Freddy was able to remember his mother's screaming. Fearing for his life, she put Freddy up for adoption.
Boomstick: Then some Hollywood pimp named Underwood adopted him to get him some bitches and money! Alright, this Freddy Krueger guy is pretty cool.
Wiz: Yeah, but then Freddy's stepfather abused and neglected him, and left him with bruises all over his body. In an act of rage, Freddy lashed out and killed Underwood.
Boomstick: Then he sorta lived on his own. I mean, come on. Look at him! Who would ever want to live with that freak?
Wiz: But then one pivotal day, Freddy was sleeping on a bridge. Some children walked up to him and he scared them with his face, and they ran away. All except one kid.
Boomstick: That kid wins the Darwin award, because he fell and broke his head. And Freddy, being the absolute sadist he is, liked watching the boy bleed.
Wiz: Um, Freddy IS a sadist.
Boomstick: What?! You mean that wasn't just some wacky assumption?!
Wiz: After some time, he turned his life around. He got a job, got a wife, and they even had a daughter. But Freddy was leading a double life that was absolutely horrible: he loved to kill children. One day, his wife found torture devices in his basement, namely a claw hand.
Boomstick: Freddy then killed his wife (which is what I should've done to mine, thinking about it) right in front of his daughter. Isn't Freddy such a good dad? He reminds me of Meta Knight.
Wiz: But then his daughter turned Freddy in, and he was therefor arrested. Then he escaped. And then he was burned alive.
Boomstick: But get this: he talked with some weird dream demons, who decided to give him immortality for who knows why. Did they just see Freddy and think, "Hey let's give this sadist immortality because why the fuck not?"
Wiz: Then he became known as... the Nightmare Demon, Freddy Krueger.
Boomstick: You want to be killed by Freddy Krueger? Ha! In your dreams!
Wiz: You see, Freddy literally kills his helpless victims in the nightmare world. He will trap them in their own nightmares, and then murder them. Then they will die in real life.
Boomstick: 1, 2, Freddy's coming for you-
Wiz: If you hear that, you may want to consider never sleeping again.
Boomstick: Time to get the coffee.
Wiz: But the worst part is that Freddy has complete control over the nightmare world. He'll adjust it to whatever he wishes, making sure his victims never get a chance against him.
Boomstick: But what about the insomniacs who don't sleep? Does he just leave 'em alone, like, "Oh you're awake? Nevermind, sorry to bother you!"?
Wiz: Uh, what do you think the claw hand is for?
Boomstick: So Freddy also likes to claw at people sometimes. But besides the nightmare world, Freddy also can come back from the dead. But somehow, normal humans manage to beat him. How?
Wiz: Usually, you kill it with fire. That's how you send him back. But other than that, there have been opponents he has failed to defeat before despite his craftiness. Jason Voorhees was one such opponent, as his raw power plus being insane pretty much made Freddy hopeless.
Boomstick: Still, Freddy's a badass and he's really clever. Good luck getting around that guy.
Freddy: You are all my children now.
Fight[]
ParaGoomba348[]
It was just another night on Elm Street, as Freddy Krueger said. For everyone else, a night on Elm Street was a night where someone would die and where they would all fear for their lives. But for Freddy Krueger, it was just any other day. But today, there was something different. He found himself in a very strange house - it was bright and colorful, and the walls looked to be made out of plastic. Like a dollhouse.
Then that's when Paige, the sketchpad, began singing.
"What's your favorite idea?" Paige inquired. Freddy looked at the sketchpad in confusion. Was this sketchpad addressing him? He had his hand claw ready, just in case.
"Mine is being creative!" Paige answered her own question in song form. Freddy was suddenly reminded of those horrible children's shows that he'd sometimes see on television when he walked into a house. He hated them! He had to eliminate this sketchpad before it could continue singing.
FIGHT!
Freddy ran towards Paige with his hand-claw ready. "That's a horrible idea!" He growled at the sketchpad. Paige suddenly jumped away from Freddy, with the same eerie smile on her face.
"Just try to think creatively!" Paige suggested. Suddenly, a cute, cartoonish orange walked by Freddy. Yes, an ORANGE walked by him. "Now take a look at this orange!" Paige instructed, pointing at the orange using her pointer. "Tell me please, what do you see?"
Krueger angrily slashed the orange to bits using his claws. He knew it was an orange! For hell's sake, he was dead before this sketchpad was even alive! He was very insulted. "It's just stupid old orange!" He growled at Paige. He slashed at the sketchpad, but she blocked the attack by covering herself with her front cover.
"Maybe to you, but not to me!" Paige continued singing. "I see a silly face!" The orange suddenly put itself back together. "Walking around and smiling at me!" The orange then jumped up and kicked Freddy square in the face. This time, Freddy slashed the orange into more pieces and shoved them into Paige's face. Paige just flipped another page and continued with her song.
The nightmare demon grinned. The sketchpad didn't see the orange walking and smiling at her anymore. "I don't see what you mean." He taunted her.
Then, she hit him in the face with a long pointer. "Because you're not thinking creatively!" she scolded. She then flipped another page, and this time there were multicolored wires between the pages. "Now take a look at my hair!" Paige called attention to the wires - which I guess were hair. "I use my hair to express myself!"
Freddy decided to not waste any time this time around, and clawed out Paige's hair. "That sounds really boring." He replied. What was this about 'expressing'? It was a sketchpad for crying out loud! But at least now she didn't have her precious hair.
But it turned out that Freddy shouldn't have done that. Her hair grew right back, and she looked angry. "I use my hair to express myself!" She reinstated. No one messed with Paige's hair. No one. Then, before Freddy could take another strike at Paige, Freddy saw himself in front of a window. "Now, when you stare at the clouds in the sky, isn't it exciting?" He heard behind him. But... how did Paige get behind him? How was he suddenly in front of a window? He looked out the window and saw what appeared to be paper clouds.
"No!" Freddy angrily replied. He punched the window, yet nothing happened. It didn't break, or even seem to be affected at all.
"Come on, take another look!" Paige commanded. She held up a magnifying glass to her eye, and suddenly the paper cloud in front of Freddy turned into a hat. "I can make a hat!" She told him. Then the cloud turned into a cat, which jumped through the window and clawed at Freddy's face. The cat turned into a man holding a baseball bat. The man swung the baseball bat at Freddy's head. The man turned into a dog. The dog bit Freddy on the leg. The dog turned into a frog. The frog... did nothing. Freddy slashed at the frog, and it turned into nothing but paper scraps - but then the paper scraps turned into a giant ladder, leaning on a giant log. But then Paige made the log disappear - and the ladder fell right on top of Freddy.
Freddy pulled the ladder off of himself, and then he ran at Paige again. How did a sketchpad manage to do all this?
"I think you're getting the hang of it now!" Paige sarcastically praised Freddy. "Using your mind, to have a good time!" She knew that the nightmare demon was struggling to land a solid hit on her - which is why she wouldn't let him do that.
"I'll turn your smile into a frown!" Freddy continued running at Paige, claws extended. But then a giant paintbrush came out of nowhere and smothered Freddy in black paint.
"Whoa there, friend you might need to slow down!" Paige just let the paint drip for a few seconds. Freddy decided he'd had enough, and suddenly he teleported the two into the nightmare realm.
Paige looked around, but she didn't lose track of beating Freddy. She knew that the place would look like this eventually - she just wasn't expecting it to be this early on.
"Here's another good tip!" It was Freddy's turn to sing. He slashed one of Paige's pages apart, only for her to turn to another page. "Of how to be of creative wit, kid!" He grabbed hold of Paige and was ready to tear her to pieces - but then she teleported out of his hands. Yes, a sketchpad did that.
Then, a ton of sticks appeared at Freddy's side. A huge, HUGE pile of them. "Go and collect some leaves and sticks!" Paige commanded. "Arrange them into your favorite killer!"
Freddy grinned, and in mere seconds he constructed a life-size replica of himself made of sticks. He knew that with himself and the stick-statue combined, Paige wouldn't stand a chance.
"You are not a creative killer!" Paige responded. The stick sculpture of Freddy fell to pieces, and Freddy was met to Paige hitting him in the face with a large "X". "There's one more thing that you need to know before you let your creativity flow!" Paige sang to Freddy. Suddenly, the two found themselves back in the house Paige started at. Freddy was sitting at a chair, right in front of a poster of a human heart. "Listen to your heart! Listen to the rain! Listen to the voices in your brain!" Paige commanded. Rain began to pour down uncontrollably, not only outside, but INSIDE the house as well. The music began to speed up and distort, and suddenly Freddy looked like he was on a computer screen, in a sort pre-developmental stage of a bad CGI movie.
Then, Freddy just looked like a man in a really bad costume. And he had this horrible urge to get creative. For a few seconds, he could hear nothing but Paige's chanting of "Get creative!" Suddenly, he saw his own heart in front of him. It was a bloody mess, and for whatever reason it was covered in golden glitter. His body began to fall apart as his internal organs began raining down from the house. He looked up at the ceiling to see the letters "D E A T H" written out in crude, blackish blood. He could only see red for the next few minutes as the space he was in began to close itself -
And suddenly it got dark. Then it got light again, and the room was much bigger. But he also saw the face of a giant, red hairy monster thing. And its mouth was wide open, as if about to eat him. Then he realized.
Paige had turned him into a bloody cake. And he was about to get eaten.
He cringed as he realized he had been defeated.
Suddenly, the music changed back to normal. But Freddy wasn't there. Instead, Paige just stood there on the table, smiling. "Now let's all agree-" She began, with an evil grin on her face as the page she was on was covered in blood. "To never be creative again."
K.O.!
Conclusion[]
Boomstick: Uh... what the hell just happened?
Wiz: Actually, I'm really not sure. Uh, while Freddy is indeed a crafty foe, his mind is not quite complex enough to wrap itself around talking sketchpads who change the music around him and turn him into a mess of body horror.
Boomstick: While Paige is just a sketchpad, she's more than capable of worming her way around Freddy. And Paige is excellent at confusing her opponents, and always is prepared in case someone questions her creativity.
Wiz: Also, while Freddy is pretty much a god in the nightmare realm, Paige has been known to manipulate the environment around her even when her opponents try to do the same.
Boomstick: Looks like Freddy tasted defeat. Or became the taste of defeat, that is.
Wiz: The winner is Paige.
Trivia[]