Description[]
It's the battle of the Raptors! Who will win? Raptor Red, the Utahraptor from the book of the same name? Or Blue, Jurassic World's modified velociraptor?
Interlude[]
Boomstick: OH BOY!!! Here we go!
Wiz: Dinosaurs are probably the greatest evolutionary marvel that the world has ever seen.
Boomstick: They have evolved such extremes in the categories of defense, strength, speed.... And killing.
Wiz: Of the extremely specialized dinosaurs, one group reigned supreme.
Boomstick: That group was the Raptors.
Wiz: Today we'll be looking at two of the most powerful raptors in fiction.
Boomstick: Raptor Red, Utah's top predator.
Wiz: And Blue, the genetically modified Beta of the Raptor Squad.
Boomstick: He's Wiz, and I'm Boomstick.
Wiz: It's our job to analyze their weapons, armour, and skill, to see who would win in a Death Battle.
Raptor Red[]
Warning: This section has spoilers for one of the best books ever written. I HIGHLY suggest you go and read Raptor Red by Robert Bakker before reading this fight. Now that that's out of the way, back to the show!
Wiz: Hundreds of millions of years ago, there was a land bridge between North America and Asia. This allowed native Asian species to migrate to the Americas, colonizing and evolving in a new ecosystem.
Boomstick: One of these species was the Utahraptor, the world largest, most powerful raptor.
Wiz: Raptor Red is the success story of one individual Utahraptor, surviving against all odds.
Boomstick: Weighing 2,000 lbs, standing 6' 6" tall, and 22' 11" long, Raptor Red is massive.
Wiz: On each foot, she has a claw that is a foot long. Her legs are extremely powerful, designed for strength and killing power rather than speed.
Boomstick: That doesn't mean that she isn't fast, though. She could reach speeds of 25-30 miles per hour at times.
Wiz: She specializes in ambush attacks, but can track her prey for days or even weeks on end if necessary.
Boomstick: Now that you know the basic information, let's get on to backstory and feats.
Wiz: Raptor Red was born into a dificult life, where her parents quickly taught her everything she needed to know. How to hunt, how to know when to back down, how to kill her prey.
Boomstick: Years later, she was on the hunt with her mate. They tracked a herd of Astrodon for hours, and finally ambushed a weakened bull. After a successful kill, they gourged themselves.
Wiz: The male smelled a pack of deinonychus trying to steal the kill, so he roared in protest. When he stood, the carcass fell on top of him, crushing him.
Boomstick: Angered at the death of her mate, Red caught a flying pterosaur, breaking its back in two places, before shredding it's neck to pieces, effectively decapitating it alive.
Wiz: Months later, she found another raptor. Her sister from many years ago. She had chicks. Together, Red and her sister raised the chicks for a few years. They survived things that no normal animal could survive.
Boomstick: Red has years of expereience, and enjoys learning new things. After killing hundreds of dinosaurs, she has mastered the art of murder.
Wiz: Once, she saw a Kronosaurus jump out of the water and capture a dinosaur. She then tricked an Acrocanthosaurus into walking on to the beach, dying in the jaws of the Kronosaurus. She uses anything in her environment to her advantage.
Boomstick: Raptor Red is extremely smart. She uses strategy, cunning, and the element of surprise to overpower her prey.
Wiz: She's even survived a flash flood, which left so many bodies that you could see them for miles.
Boomstick: She's killed dinosaurs far more powerful than herself, like an Acrocanthosaurus and a Segnosaurus. She doesn't think of her actions as murder, or killing. She imagines it as play. If she has trouble with a new type of prey, she enjoys trying to figure out how to kill it.
Wiz: Her most impressive feat, however, was when she was able to defend herself and even fending off a pack of deinonychus so large, that it could hardly be called a pack. All while she was starving and had a broken leg. She was injured, sick, and close to death, and she protected herself alone from a pack of hungry deinonychus. While it was snowing. She even managed to kill a few!
Boomstick: Raptor Red is nothing to underestimate.
Narator: "The female Utahraptor moves her body quietly through the ferns, walking in long, slow strides on her muscular hind legs. She stops every few steps, rotates her elongated head, surveys the plant-eaters. Her eyes move back and forth, executing the rapid scanning of a hunter who is thinking about everything she sees. She is an intelligent killer. She watches the pattern made by the huge herbivorous dinosaurs. She evaluates each individual as a potential victim."
Blue[]
Wiz: Blue was born in 2012, created for the IBRIS Project, or the Integrated Behavioral Raptor Intelligence Study.
Boomstick: She's the largest Raptor in Jurassic World, standing somewhere around 5' 7".
Wiz: Her trainer, Owen Grady, imprinted on her when she was born, and she joined her pack, known as the Raptor Squad. She is the Beta, only outranked by her trainer.
Boomstick: He imprinted on her when she was born? Now I can't stop thinking about that creepy CGI baby from Twilight...
Wiz: Please don't remind me of that.
Boomstick: Anyways, she has the DNA of Black-Throated Moniter Lizard to fill in the gaps of her Velociraptor DNA. This gives her her massive size, scales, and iridescent blue coloring.
Wiz: While she is called a Velociraptor, she is really something much more.
Boomstick: While growing up, she had a fight with her sister, Echo, leaving her with a scar. This is her only known fight with another raptor.
Wiz: Owen as taught her in the field of Search and Rescue, which allows her to track prey much easier than other raptors.
Boomstick: She is extremely durable, able to take a hit from the Indominus Rex, knocking her into a pillar.
Wiz: While she is a tank, that doesn't mean that she will blindly charge into battle. She is very smart, preferring to strategize and think of the best solution to a problem before entering the battle.
Boomstick: This does leave her vulnerable, however. While she was contemplating the best thing to do in the fight with the Indominus, she was knocked into the pillar that I mentioned a second ago.
Wiz: She is so powerful, however, that she actually saved Rexy's life. Rexy is the name given to the T.Rex from the first Jurassic Park movie. Remember that? Blue actually SAVED her.
Boomstick: Blue has two confirmed human kills, both of which happened during the Indominus Rex Incident.
Wiz: She is very aggressive, attacking anybody that she doesn't recognize. She almost killed Jurassic World employee, Leon, when he fell into her paddock.
Boomstick: While she is impressive, she has actually never killed another dinosaur before. She lacks combat experience, and is vulnerable to attacks.
Wiz: She makes up for this, however, by being the single most intelligent animal in the entire Jurassic Park franchise.
Owen Grady: This one's called Blue. She's the Beta.
*Blue Snarls*
Intermission[]
Wiz: All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.
Boomstick: IT'S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE!!!
Fight![]
Raptor Red was searching for prey, when she saw something very odd.
It appeared to be a Deinonychus, but it was... Scaly?
She had never seen a scaly raptor before. Now she was curious.
She made noises at it, trying to comunicate. It responded in a dialect that she couldn't understand.
She was thoroughly confused.
The scaly Deinonychus, Blue, growled, and got into pouncing position.
Red was confused, but she thought that the threat was cute. Did a single Deinonychus think that it could beat a Utahraptor? If she had the proper muscles in the face, she would have smiled.
FIGHT!
Blue jumped at Red, legs extended outward.
Red sidestepped the attack.
"Weird" she thought. "That's not how a Deinonychus would fight. This is gonna be fun!"
Red ran in, and jump-kicked at Blue.
A streak of red ran across Blue's torso.
"Hmm" Blue thought. "This won't be easy. I need to think about this before I make my next move."
Red kept on attacking, but Blue kept on dodging each swipe.
Blue noticed that Red never used her arms or teeth to attack, only her massive killing claw on each foot.
Red kicked again, this time catching Blue off guard. Blue was knocked back, but she got up instantly.
Blue charged at Red, claws extendeded. She began swiping at Red with her hands, but Red just avoided each one.
Red was having fun! She knew that if she wanted, she could kill the Deinonychus right now. However, she wanted to keep playing with her. It was all a game in her mind.
Blue stopped and watched Red carefully. Red did the same to Blue.
Blue was thinking of the best way to stop her opponent. She was trying to predict her next move.
Red was thinking about what she would eat later. "Maybe some Astrodon liver." she thought.
Blue decided that the best strategy was to play it safe. Do as much damage as she could, then get away.
Blue ran at Red, cut into her side, and ran away.
Red winced.
Blue kept on repeating this process, until Red grew tired of this game.
Red ran away. Not to retreat, but to test her enemy's speed.
Before she could even move a yard, Blue was far in front of her.
Blue slashed at Red's snout, and Red jumped back in surprise.
Blue began to circle Red, growling and making threatening noises.
"This is no longer fun." Red decided. "I should end this now."
Red ran in for a full on attack. Blue was surprised, and tried to fight back.
Red's superior strength overpowered Blue, knocking her to the ground.
Blue looked up at the figure towering above her, and whimpered.
Red began to furiously slash at Blue's throat, ripping muscle tissue to shreds, arteries to pieces of quivering flesh.
Red slashed, and slashed, and slashed until the neck was completely gone. The head and body were completely separate.
The kill was so fast and powerful that Blue didn't have time to completely die when her head came off. One of the eyes was still twitching.
KO!
"Now... Where was I?" Red thought. "Oh yeah! Astrodon liver!"
Conclusion[]
Boomstick: Raptors are so cool!
Wiz: While Blue was very strong and smart, Red outclassed her in almost every aspect.
Boomstick: She's smarter, stronger, and more durable. The only thing that Blue outclassed her in was speed.
Wiz: That made little difference, however. Blue has been kept in captivity all her life, while Red has had to survive in the real world for years. Blue is fed her daily meals; whereas Red has to hunt them herself.
Boomstick: Remember when we mentioned that Red kept up with a pack of Deinonychus while she was injured, starving, and dying? Well, a Blue is pretty much a Deinonychus. She stood no chance on her own against a Utahraptor in perfect health.
Wiz: Not to mention that Blue has never killed another dinosaur, and has only fought one raptor. She wouldn't have won against the Indominus Rex if it weren't for the help of Rexy and the Mosasaurus.
Boomstick: This fight was pure Dino-mite.
Wiz: The winner is Raptor Red.
The Winner is Raptor Red.