Pre Episode

Luther: *huff* So, did we get 'em all?

Theodore: I think so. Oh, and I made sure to coat all the walls in bug spray too. That was an absolute shitstorm last night.

Nova: And the ADBP?

Alice: They're still out there and showing no signs of slowing down.

Nova: Well this is just great.

Luther: Oh don't worry, we still have enough supplies to last us at least a month.

Nova: I'm talking about my secret stash of sweets, dammit! Those roaches from last night took 50 cookies when I wasn't looking last night. They took 50 cookies! That's as many as five tens. And that's terrible!

Alice: Yes, and I'm sure you can't live without them.

Nova: I know, isn't this just the worst?! Theo, I need you to go out there on a supply run! On the double!

Theodore: As you wish-

Luther: Don't do it, man! That's the very definition of a suicide mission! Why-

*Cue Sound* OW!

Nova: *gasp* We're saved! Thanks Rena!

Luther: of course she'd help out this way. Oh, but she does have a letter of request attached to this package. Lets see...

Alice: Hey, that's actually not such a bad idea for the episode. Look alive, folks. We've got to entertain the raging masses!


This What If Death Battle will feature Relius Clover from Blazblue and Fire Lord Ozai from Avatar The Last Airbender.

I'm certainly starting to feature a lot of sociopaths in my episodes and these powerful villains are no exception. But hey, at least they're both great contenders for the Father of the Year Award, right? *Sarcasm Mode On*


Theodore: Becoming a parent is truly one of the greatest responsibilities one can undertake, wouldn't you agree?

Nova: Oh sure, I'd agree but the situation may be drastically different if your old man just HAPPENS to be a sociopath bent on enacting his view social Darwinism throughout the world.

Luther: Thanksgiving Dinner must be pretty damn awkward for these families.

Alice: It can't be that different than any other family gathering. Don't you want to cut your dad's throat because he turned your sister into a robot?

Luther: ... I'm an only child.

Theodore: Needless to say, not all parents share a proper grasp on the whole concept. And some people just shouldn't become them in the first place.

Nova: Like Relius Clover, the man that plays with puppets for science! (The best justification!)

Alice: And Fire Lord Ozai, the iron fisted ruler of the Fire Nation.

Luther: I'm Luther, and I'll be joined here today by Theodore, Alice, and Nova. It's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills, to find out who would win...


Relius Clover

Cue Music 1

Theodore: You know, with one look at this guy, I just have one important question to ask: Has science gone too far?!

Nova: What if I told you, it hasn't gone far enough? Surely you must all know what a truly noble pursuit it is!

Luther: Sure, there's nobility but then there's straight up sadism and pure f*cking evil! That would be the best way to describe the man known as Relius Clover.

Alice: Originally a simple researcher looking to delve into the secrets of the Boundary, the man's scientific progress had grinded to a complete halt.

Nova: Damn science block. Hate it when that happens. Luckily for the fellow genius here, that mental stump of his didn't last too long once he met Yuuki Terumi. You know, the now former alter ego to my ex spouse? That we ki-

Theodore: Let it go, Nova! You'll find another potential husbando soon enough! Hell, don't you have a list of that?

Nova: In exchange for all the information Relius could ever dream for, all Terumi required was for Relius to build a body for him to use!

Luther: Well that didn't sound wrong at all.

Alice: But how much do you want to bet Relius ended up performing an experiment gone horribly wrong not long after?

Theodore: Sounds like an easy thousand to me! Sure enough, one of Relius's experiments resulted in him accidentally unleashing the Black Beast and getting sucked into the Cauldron just to add salt to the wound!

Nova: But instead of dying or gaining superpowers, Relius was just booted 80 years into the future. With amnesia. That's... convenient?

Alice: It wasn't exactly permanent. Eventually with his memories back in place, he would go on to meet Terumi again to continue his scientific pursuits and even become a colonel in the NOL's engineering department.

Luther: And like any proper man, he even met and married a beautiful woman called Ignis and started a family with her. Normally I'd go on to state my approval of the arrangement but this is where things start going to shit.

Theodore: Instead of supporting and caring for his wife and kids like any normal person would, he turned his wife and daughter into robots and left his "disappointment of a son" Carl with his unfinished sister!

Nova: All in the name of science!

Alice: Yes, because the name of science also allows people to get away with such acts as trying to murder your son on multiple occasions just because he dared to ask you WHY you turned his dear old sister and mum into dolls.

Luther: Oh, but this guy's freakish experiments hardly stop at his own family! He'll gladly experiment on anybody he wants, regardless of whether or not they happen to be willing subjects. And by experiment, I'm pretty sure all of you Blazblue fans out there are thinking ra-

Theodore: Aaaanyway. All of Relius's strange habits lead up to his master plan of destroying the world and replacing everybody with puppets to create the perfect human beings! And that's basically his main (not to mention f*cked up) justification for everything.

Nova: For Carl Clover, the day his father turned his sister and mother into lifeless tools of destruction was the most important (and traumatizing) day of his life. But for Relius, it was one hell of a slow week.

Luther: Those are some great parenting skills, amiright?

Alice: Father of the year everybody. (Sarcasm mode on.)

Nova: Just because you're correct doesn't mean you're right, Allie!

Cue Music 4

Theodore: Now, we finally get to the important-

Luther: Oh but first I've gotta ask about his fashion sense. Just what the hell is this guy even wearing?! He looks like he's wearing a freaking shower curtain!

Theodore: But you've just got to appreciate the mask, right?

Alice: Questionable garish appearances aside, Relius Clover is actually one of the strongest characters in the Blazblue series. All of that is thanks to wide variety of sophisticated tools at his disposal.

Nova: With the snap of a finger, he can freely summon or dismiss his robotic wife Ignis to his side at any time to go and stab people for him! While she's out, Relius can freely command her in a similar vein to Stands from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure or Personas.

Luther: And believe me, getting caught by Ignis is going to be painful as all hell. She comes armed with a sharp set of claw like hands that can and will tear her foes to bits!

Theodore: Going even further, Ignis can put her hands or feet together to form a drill, or if Relius wants to see his foe really freak out, Ignis can basically turn into a freaking chainsaw wheel of destruction!

Nova: But don't go thinking Relius relies on his wife to do everything for him like some lazy freeloader! He'll gladly enter the fray himself to deliver the mother of all bitch slaps!

Luther: True, but Relius's main method of attack involves summoning large mechanical hands from his cloak of mysteries!

Nova: Where the hell does he even keep all of those? Does his cloak contain a portal to the void or something?

Alice: Relius seems to have been taking lessons from Thanos, seeing as how a good number of his attacks involve even more bitch slaps with his mechanical hands.

Theodore: Relius's handy weapons come in all sorts of other shapes and sizes, ranging from closed fists, various bladed weapons, and even a freaking chainsaw!

Nova: And if none of that's enough (when is it ever?) Relius can use moves like Req Vinum to summon a bunch of damaging gears from beneath a foe's feet... Kay then.

Luther: Combine all of this with a simultaneous assault from Ignis, and you've got yourself one hell of a deadly tag team!

Alice: However, Ignis can't exactly be used forever. Extended use of the automaton will force her to shut down temporarily, completely unable to do anything for a short time. Luckily, Ignis will automatically recharge her energy whenever she's dismissed, meaning Relius has to plan her assault strategically to avoid an ill timed shut down.

Theodore: Or alternatively, Relius can recharge his wife's gauge even faster by using his Overdrive Maxima Dance.

Luther: Now that's just a poor choice of words if I ever heard it.

Nova: But when Relius REALLY wants to screw you over... He does this.

Cue Footage

All Hosts: D:


Luther: What the f*ck even happened back there?!

Alice: I would go on to point out how every one of his victims is set up in a unique pose but I'd rather not have to raise up our show's age rating. (Just how many fetishes can this guy have?)

Theodore: I need a shower.

Nova: I'm just gonna watch a cat video now.

Luther: Nova, what the hell are you even-

Nova: Shit, wrong one! Wrong one!

Alice: Relius's reputation as both a genius and one of the strongest characters in Blazblue is very well deserved. He's been shown to be on par with the likes of Valkenhayn and even killing Terumi himself, and in an alternate ending: He succeeds quite handily. Just remember, those two were part of the Six Heroes responsible for defeating the Black Beast in the past!

Theodore: Yeah, it goes to show that most of this guy's cannonical fights result in him steamrolling the rest of the game's cast. But not only is Relius a badass, but he's also a cultured man that enjoys opera, gentlemanly speech, and... placing books back on shelves. I can respect that.

Nova: Relius Clover even had schemes of hijacking the role of main villain from Hades Izanami herself... But all of his plans eventually went to shit when Izanami severed all ties with Relius and Terumi.

Luther: What followed was one embarrassing chain of events for the poor guy. Not only are all of Relius's plans screwed, but he gets his ass beaten within an inch of his life by Valkenhayn, gets his life saved by Carl, and finds that the NOL is no longer on his side. Just to top it all off, he's now at the absolute mercy of Litchi and his pissed off son, not even being allowed to die until he can manage to restore his daughter back to normal.

Alice: Not exactly his best day. Regardless, Relius Clover is a man that you do not want to f*ck around with. Otherwise, you may find yourself losing your mental virginity much earlier than anticipated. (And that's the least of your worries.)

Theodore: Father of the year, everybody. Father of the year indeed.

Relius Clover: It's punishment time… I remember you were still inexperienced… Now you're still of no use.


Cue Music 5

Nova: Earth. Water. Fire. Air. Long ago, the four nations lived together in harmony...

Theodore: But everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked.

Cue Footage

Luther: Oh for f*cks sake, my ears are bleeding! Turn it off!

Alice: I dare you guys (And everybody watching at home too) to start playing that clip on as many tabs as possible at once.

Theodore: As evil as that sounds, there are few people more threatening than the man responsible for this invasion and the leader of the Fire Nation himself: Mark Hami- I mean Ozai!

Nova: But like many great villains, Ozai wasn't always a complete asshole. Instead he started off as... the son of the previous Fire Lord. What could possibly go wrong here?

Theodore: Well, what about the fact that his dad and grandpa were evil masterminds that seek to capture the Avatar to aid in their quest of world domination?

Alice: Of course!

Luther: Well, I guess you could say he came close enough when he managed to track down the granddaughter of the previous Avatar, Ursa. His master plan? To make babies with her so he can add Avatar Roku's bloodline to his family! What a stud!

Nova: And like the genius he is, Ozai asked for her hand in marriage literally minutes after meeting her! Now obviously, any other girl would give him a bitch slap to the face and a knife to the family jewels in response, but Ursa agreed with no conflict whatsoever!

Theodore: *shudders*

Luther: You know full well how much it hurts to get stabbed in the manhood, eh Theo?

Theodore: How the hell was I supposed to know Vio would do anything like that?! It was a simple greeting!

Alice: Despite having to abandon her past life entirely Ursa happily married ol' Mark Hamil here and had two kids named Zuko and Azula. And surprisingly enough... He was actually a legitimately decent husband and parent to his family.

Cue Music 6

Theodore: But that didn't exactly last too long to say the least. Ozai's relations with his wife and children began to sour when he found out of Ursa's longing for her old life. And you can all bet that shit just gets worse from there.

Luther: Due to the man's great ego and what would soon grow into a petty grudge, Ozai would greatly favor Azula over Zuko and go on to treat the latter worse than chopped liver.

Nova: And then after a falling out with his old man, Ozai desired to become the Fire Lord in his place! With Zuko's life in mortal danger, Ursa would grant her husband the means to poison his father, only to be forcefully driven away from her family by a bitter Ozai.

Alice: Sure enough, Fire Lord Azulon would be found dead in his own bed due to mysterious circumstances a day later. This led to Ozai's rise to power as the new lord of the Fire Nation, Klingon Style.

Luther: And by mysterious circumstances, of course we're talking about murder!

Theodore: Ozai would rule the Fire Nation with a Social Darwinism fueled iron fist, and continue to treat Zuko like shit in the process. One time, he even burned half the poor guy's face off just for speaking out at a war council and refusing to duel with him!

Cue Footage

Luther: Eh, at least Azula didn't have it so bad, right?

Alice: Oh, she became a psychopath instead!

Theodore: Right. Lovely.

Nova: Following his exile of Zuko shortly after that little fiasco, Ozai learned of the emergence of a new 12 year old Avatar, and set another grand plan into motion to finally succeed in capturing the chosen one.

Cue Music 7

Alice: And believe me, Ozai has all the right powers necessary to make himself a man to be feared by all the world's Nations alike. As a master firebender, Ozai could manipulate flames in any way he pleases to utterly decimate his foes.

Nova: Smokey Bear would be absolutely pissed at this guy.

Luther: Ozai's overall fighting style is one of pure unrelenting offense, hatred, and fiery anger. It's even been stated by Zuko that nobody in the world other than the Avatar could possibly stand up to him in a fight.

Theodore: Ozai's crispy abilities range from breathing flames from his mouth, powerful long ranged bursts of fire in a multitude of shapes, physical strikes augmented by flames, and even using fire jets to freaking fly! Eat your heart out, Human Torch.

Nova: He can even ignore basic Pokemon type advantages by using his flames to break through rocks and go through water with no ill effects.

Alice: I knew it. Ozai's a dirty hacker! But if you thought playing with fire was Ozai's only trump card, you'd be dead wrong. By separating the positive and negative energies within himself, Ozai can manipulate lightning as well!

Luther: Needless to say, Ozai is one hell of a Pokemon ha- I mean fiery death machine. But if you really wanna draw the line between Ozai and Pokemon, his abilities can also benefit from weather effects, particularly those of extreme heat. (Of course.)

Alice: Quite true. A firebender's abilities are at their absolute strongest around Summer and near the equator. The more heat Ozai can draw in, the deadlier his attacks become. But hell, even those weather effects pale in comparison to the phenomenon known as Sozin's Comet.

Theodore: This comet is responsible for granting a HUGE boost to any and all firebending when it comes close to the planet's upper atmosphere. Why this doesn't cause any massive ecological damage or how it even works is beyond me, but what's important is the power buffs.

Nova: And while it's clearly an exaggeration, Ozai himself claimed it gave firebenders the power of a hundred suns. Believe what you want, man. (I see someone's been taking lessons from Lloyd Irving.) Hell, Ozai was so drunk on the power Sozin's Comet gave him, he immediately proclaimed himself to be the Phoenix King, Ruler of the World!

Luther: While his ego's certainly something to be scoffed at, the power at Ozai's fingertips during this time is anything but. He's been shown to be able to burn down entire Earth Kingdom cities and give Avatar Aang himself absolute hell in combat.

Alice: Yes he did... But the battle immediately turned to shit for him once Aang entered the Avatar State. At this point, Ozai could only run away like a pussy while struggling to keep up with the Avatar's furious assault. Hell, the only reason Ozai even lived through this fight was because Aang was merciful enough to permanently eliminate his powers instead of performing a fatality.

Theodore: Yeah, this wasn't exactly his best day. After losing his powers and getting belittled by our triumphant group of heroes, Ozai was sentenced to a lifetime of imprisonment which he was never able to escape from.

Luther: He never really patched things up with Zuko either, since he was still acting like a dick to him even when he became Fire Lord in his father's place. Though he did at least turn into a much calmer individual after losing his powers.

Nova: But wouldn't you know it? One of Ozai's greatest weaknesses is his very own rage. Ah yes, it all makes sense now! Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering... Ozai is a Sith Lord! He's been working along with Jar Jar all this time!

Alice: Do I need to grab your tinfoil hat again? But at least you're slightly right.

Luther: Firebending is best used with great amounts of control over both your breath and emotions, something that Ozai clearly goes against. Sure, the man's pissed off nature can certainly help to amplify his attacks but it can even cause his firebending to go out of control, leading to some unexpected Michael Bay bombs.

Nova: Remember kids: Only you can prevent wildfires.

Theodore: And while it works wonders as an offensive art, firebending does suffer defensively and can use up a lot of the user's energy over the course of a prolonged battle. And needless to say, anything involving water will be super effective to firebenders as well, though more skilled benders can find ways around that weakness.

Nova: Oh, and lets not forget his beard, while admittedly stylish, is a prime target for grabbing and you can be sure it'll hurt like hell!

Alice: Despite the clear fact that he flunked out of anger management, Ozai's furious combative abilites are sure to leave you scorched for days.

Ozai: From our airships, we will rain fire over their lands. A fire that will destroy everything. And out of the ashes a new world will be born. A world in which all the lands are Fire Nation, and I am the supreme ruler of everything!

Interlude 2

Nova: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all...

Alice: Now we can truly determine who deserves to be called the Father of the Year...


The Battle

Pre Fight

A small forest just outside the border of the Fire Nation

Cue Music 8

It was a relatively peaceful day outside. The sun was shining down, the grass was perfectly green, and it was a very special time of the year. As long as one ignored the brutally maimed, unrecognizable bodies hidden in certain parts of the forest at least. The recently escaped mad scientist Relius Clover may have some explanation for this mysterious phenomenon, seeing as how he was responsible for performing unspeakable experiments on the souls of many of those unfortunate men and women.

The purple clad man sat in a contemplated pose by an abandoned tree trunk, contemplating his next evil plans as he drank from a convenient teacup prepared by his robotic wife Ignis. His recent betrayal by the hands of Izanami had certainly taken their tole on the man, but Relius would not give up on his goals so easily. And he sure as hell wasn't going to stand for his very own offspring ordering him around like a lab dog.

Cue Music 9

"Hmph. Just where did that boy get the nerve-" The scientist spoke out loud before his thoughts were interrupted by the rumbling of bushes nearby. Rising to his feet immediately, Relius snapped his fingers to call his wife to his side. Upon emerging from out of nowhere, the automaton lashed out at a piece of green to the side of her, failing to strike her intended target as a bearded man garbed in red jumped out of hiding to meet Relius face to face.

"Relius Clover. I suspected a weakling such as yourself would be responsible for such carnage." The bearded man observed with a mocking smirk on his face.

"Former Fire Lord Ozai, I presume? Shouldn't you be rotting away in a dungeon right now?" Relius asked in response.

"Does this answer your question?" Ozai complied, raising a hand in front of his face and lighting it on fire.


Luther: Whoa, gold the phone now?! How the hell did Ozai get his bending back? This clearly takes place after The Last Airbender!

Alice: Oh, you can thank me for that. I simply hacked them back.

Theodore: Of course you would unleash a dangerous villain back upon the world.


"And before you ask another question of me, perhaps you are quite familiar with this?" Ozai quickly added in, tossing Relius a scrap of paper, which ignis promptly caught with one of her bladed hands.

"...Am I really that ugly?" Relius asked in confusion upon seeing the poorly drawn mugshot of himself on a wanted poster. Ignis seemed to take offense at the fact that she was nowhere on the poster, seeing as how she shortly crumpled the piece of paper and tossed it into the waters below. "So, the great Fire Lord himself is now reduced to a mere mercenary working for spare change? It says here I'm barely worth-"

A fireball rushing past Relius's face was enough to get him to shut up for a bit. "All you need to know is that you're capture will be the first step I take to reclaiming my rightful place as the Phoenix King. Whether you die or not is of no concern to me." Ozai clearly informed his adversary as a wicked smile began to form on his face.

"You're powers seem to be just as fascinating as I have been led to believe. Perhaps you would like to volunteer to become my next test subject? I won't take no for an answer, by the way." Relius returned with an eerily similar smile growing on his lips, dismissing Ignis with a snap of his finger to deal with the fallen Fire Lord personally.

Cue Music 10

The wheel of fate is turning...


Theodore: Wow, bloody hell that Ozai sprite is terrible!

Nova: It's not my fault he didn't have any good sprites to begin with! And I think it looks funny.

Alice: Let's just get to the-



Relius vs Ozai...

Ozai wasted no time in using his bending to close the gap to his foe, instinctively raising a fist to lock a mechanical hand that soon emerged from Relius's cloak. Refusing to let up his assault, Ozai swung a backhanded fist at the purple clad man, unleashing a large wave of fire in the opposite direction. Relius gracefully ducked under the oncoming assault, quickly rising to deliver a surprisingly loud slap to his opponent's face.

Immediately noticing the pissed off look that soon grew on Ozai's lips, Relius followed up by summoning an even larger mechanical fist from the ground which easily knocked the former Fire Lord a good distance back. Ozai regained his balance in midair soon enough and retaliated with a simple hand gesture that unleashed a violent stream of fire. Relius easily avoided it with a simple backstep, but Ozai was hot on his trail yet again.

With a snap of his fingers, Ignis protectively emerged in front of her husband to block an oncoming dive from Ozai with her bladed hand. "Hah! Are you truly such a coward you would rely on your false wife to fight your battles?!" The bearded man taunted as he shot out a deadly stream of lightning at the defending automaton.

"Oh, there's a clear difference between cowardice and intelligence." Relius answered as one of his bladed weapons popped out of his cloak to reach around Ignis and knock Ozai into the depths of the forest behind them. The mad scientist quickly followed after him, though his body was nearly scorched as he narrowly avoided a blast of fire coming from his enemy's direction.

Ozai greeted Relius with another shit eating grin as he kicked a tree to weaken it's trunk. With the use of a roundhouse kick that would make Chuck Norris proud, he sent the hunk of wood flying towards Relius at impressive speeds. Not even making an effort to move, Relius snapped his fingers again, this time signalling his wife to become a moving buzzsaw to cut through the oncoming tree.

Cue Music 11

Ozai continued showing his hatred for nature when he continued chucking trees at the approaching mad scientist. Though of course Ignis always showed up to break the makeshift projectiles down to size before they could so much as scratch her husband. "You are weak! Clearly, you're not even cut out for the battlefield!" Ozai taunted, this time taking a moment to embark on one of the stumps he has just knocked down. Now using his fire streams like jet turbines, he set off towards his destination at bewildering speeds.

Right on command, Ignis appeared with the intent of stabbing the oncoming trunk with one of her claws to stop it's movement. Though before she could raise her other hand to strike the man riding atop it, a small burst of lightning from the former Fire Lord struck her from point blank. Much to Relius's dismay, she immediately shut down after taking the attack. Thinking fast, swung a right hook with one of his mechanical hands to defend himself but Ozai skillfully dodged the blow and returned the favor with a furious flame enhanced kick to the gut.

The mad scientist found himself careening through the woods at speeds he never thought possible. Wanting to make sure he would not take the brunt of a landing, Relius outstretched a bladed hand from his cloak to catch onto a tree branch whizzing past his head, which managed to stop all of his momentum.


Nova: Do you even physics?! How the hell does that work?!

Alice: I... can't even begin to justify that.


As Relius would have expected, Ozai was hot on his trail, not only using his firebending to catch up to his adversary, but also burning down the forest behind him with absolutely no remorse. "Hm. It's a miracle he didn't start doing that earlier." Relius thought out loud as he nonchalantly raised another mechanical hand to block an oncoming stream of fire.

"Now do you see how helpless you- ARGH!" Ozai continued to taunt the scientist before another hand slammed onto his head from above, forcefully smacking him into the ground. Skillfully teching the landing like any professional Smash player would, Ozai immediately retaliated with another shot of fire from his hands, prompting Relius to finally cease hanging from the tree.

Though the scientist did make sure to snap the branch off of the trunk and take it with him as a battering weapon. He immediately swung at the enraged firebender but Ozai simply grabbed the branch in mid swing and burned it to ashes. "Perfect timing." Relius thought out loud again as he summoned Ignis once more, having finally finished recharging.

What followed was a long exchange of clashes and blows between the 2.5 combatants. Ozai frequently found his blows colliding with Relius's puppet hands and Ignis's claws alike as both parties vied to land a single hit on the other. All the while, Ozai's blocked attacks let out small bursts of fire in random directions, further setting the forest around them ablaze while Relius continued to cautiously walk back as the clash continued. Though of course it wasn't long before Ignis started to run low on power again. Looking to create an opening, Ignis preoccupied the former Fire Lord with a haphazard attack as Relius summoned a large collection of gears beneath his feet.

Already taking the brunt of the attack, Ozai quickly scaled to the top of the contraption to avoid taking any further hits. Once he reached the peak, the firebender used his powers to heat up the collection of gears before slammed his fist down, easily breaking the structure and emitting a sizable shockwave upon impact with the ground. Though what Ozai did not expect was for Relius to flank him with a metallic fist to the back, knocking him forward a fair distance.

Relius suddenly took notice that his cape had caught on fire and begrudgingly pulled a teacup from hammerspace to put it out. "Such a waste of fine material..." The scientist grumbled as he poured out the contents of his beloved drink to save his fashion sense from being ruined.

"No more games, fool! I WILL see you cower like the coward you are!" Ozai roared to catch his foe's attention.

"Hmph. And to think you had the high ground earlier. So uncivilized." Relius scoffed before Ozai came rushing forth with another violent stream of fire. The scientist jumped to the side to avoid being burned by another stream of flames but before the two fathers could let out another attack, a familiar pair of voices had stopped them in their tracks.

Cue Music 12


"You won't escape again!"

"Is that-"


The original combatants narrowly leaped out of harms way when another blast of fire and a familiar looking automaton converged on their original positions.

"You've gone far enough... Dad."

Two figures arose from the burning woods as if they were spirits of vengeance. One was a man whose face had clearly seen better days and the other was a younger boy wearing a classy top hat.

"Hahahaha! Why, if it isn't the new Firelord himself! Care to tell me about your most recent failure, Zuko?" Ozai heartily opened up upon recognizing the newcomers.

"It's not exactly that hard to tell that you've escaped. It's not like the burning forest was an obvious sign or anything." Zuko sarcastically replied as he bravely stared his father down.

"Hmph. And what drove you here, Carl? Are you going to beg for another well deserved punishment?" Relius stepped forward, only to be interrupted by his now robotic daughter. Right on cue, Ignis appeared to protect her husband from the other automaton's oncoming assault.

"I'll never forgive you for this, dad! You promised you would bring Ada back!" Carl shouted with clear fury on his face as he called his sister back to his side.

"Hmph. Spare the rod, spoil the child. You boys need a good taste of discipline." Relius scoffed with as he cradled his forehead with his palm.

"Hah! It's nice to see a fellow father that actually knows what he's doing! I might actually respect you for that!" Ozai gave another hearty laugh as he placed a hand on the scientist's shoulder as if he was an old friend.

"And something tells me you weren't harsh enough with your child. No matter. I can show you how it's really done soon enough." Relius replied as he shook Ozai off his shoulder with an annoyed tone.

Cue Music 13

Carl was the first one to act, immediately setting his own robotic ally Nirvana upon his father, only to be easily halted by Ignis. "You're coming back with me, whether you like it or not, dad!" Carl yelled as he approached the older man to aid his sister.

Zuko followed suit, shooting out a stream of fire at his own father. "Hahaha! Now I can show you how a true Fire Lord maintains his rightful place!" Ozai taunted as he effortlessly deflected his son's flames and readied to engage in the ancient Fire Nation custom of Agni Kai. The two groups of father and son had quickly engaged in heated duels with one another, all with the intent to kill of course.

Carl was struggling to keep up with his father as the combined might of his parents continually pushed him further back into the flaming forest. Carl knew he had to go on the offensive, especially when Ignis planted her clawed hand into his sister's face. "I've had enough of you, dad!" Carl yelled in desperation, now attacking his father with a small robotic horse emerging from his cloak. Relius repelled the assault with his own mechanical arms as Ignis continued to keep her hand embedded in Nirvana's face, now pushing the other robot up against a tree. "Are you even trying anymore, son?" Relius quipped as he slipped past another strike from Carl's weapon and gave the boy a rough slap to the face.

Zuko was having just as hard a time combating his own father though he seemed to be holding up better than his ally at the moment. "I see you've actually managed to improve since last time. But you're still far too soft to reach my level!" Ozai glowered as he dodged another blast of fire from his son. "I've only learned from the best. And I don't mean you!" Zuko countered as he continued his assault. The forest glowed ever so brightly as the two firebender's attacks clashed in all their glory. But a cry of pain from Carl Clover upon taking a mechanical fist was enough to turn Zuko's attention for even the slightest moment. Ozai grinned, unleashing a torrent of lightning upon the distracted boy, but Zuko managed to deflect the bolt at the last second, distracting his father long enough to shift his attention to Relius Clover.

"Ignis, punishment time." Relius called on his wife, who was still keeping a firm hold on Nirvana. However, the automaton was struck by a fierce blast of fire just before she could stab the young Clover through the chest. "Such a rebellious generation. They truly do not know their place." Relius sighed with a hand placed on his forehead. He quickly jumped to the side to avoid another blast from Zuko, and immediately called on Ignis to close the distance with her buzzsaw transformation.

Carl recovered from his own blows soon enough and motioned Nirvana to aid in fighting off his father, but a sudden burst of flame from behind was enough to knock Nirvana off her feet, directly onto her beloved brother. Carl attempted to strike his aggressor from afar with a series of long ranged cogs, but they were promptly destroyed by the now grinning Ozai. The firebender immediately closed the distance to the young by and began scorching him with a constant, yet violent stream of flames, prompting a loud, agonizing cry from the young vigilante.

"What kind of screwed up father are you?! Are you just gonna let that psycho burn your child to death?!" Zuko cried in anger as his blades were locked with Ignis's claws. Relius took a moment to consider his answer before saying "Oh, he won't die, but he certainly deserves another painful lesson..." he replied as he casually stared at the suffering boy. Zuko was at a loss for words when it came to this man. Thinking quickly, he took aim for a tree branch above him, which promptly fell on top of the clashing fighters. Ignis destroyed the makeshift projectile with ease, giving Zuko enough time to break their clash short burn Ozai with his back turned.

Nirvana was able to recover from the assault soon enough as she protectively scooped up her brother and made a hasty retreat from the battlefield. Zuko followed suit, now realizing it was a poor idea to go after these two dangerous criminals without backup. Ozai made no effort to follow the fleeing sons, instead giving another hearty laugh. "Compassion? Morality? Good and Evil? Perhaps those boys will never realize how weak such concepts are..." Ozai sighed out...

Cue Music 14

The former Fire Lords thoughts were cut short when he narrowly avoided a savage slash coming from Ignis Clover. "While that was a rather eventful distraction, I do hope you have not forgotten our real purpose here? Unless you're freely volunteering to become my next test subject?" Relius reminded the firebender, snapping his fingers to call Ignis to his side again.

"Heh. You're more worthy of respect than I thought, yet you are still a mere ant before the foot of the Phoenix King!" Ozai roared with laughter as his body engulfed itself in a flashy explosion of flames. There would be no more distractions. Now, only one man would come out of this conflict alive. Relius soon felt his body surge with... Unlimited power as he finally decided it was time to go all out on this plebian.

Ozai's flames were quickly spiraling out of control... But that's exactly what the man craved at this point. Relius had to remain on the move if he did not want to get burned. He commanded Ignis over to one of the few trees that were left intact and had her embed a drill into the trunk. She soon chucked the oversized log and continued to repeat the same action at the firebender to give Relius an opening to close the distance. A simple inferno from Ozai's hand was enough to burn the projectile to a crisp as he promptly turned to meet with Relius's oncoming assault.

Relius quickly ran past the firebender with a bladed weapon outstretched from his cloak, which was rather easily blocked. Confused as to why Relius continued to run past him, Ozai paid no mind to that as he continued to assault the purple clad man with all the fire power he could muster, soon chasing after the man with his own makeshift flame turbines. Relius was fast enough to dodge or deflect all the oncoming bursts with ease but it wasn't long before Ozai managed to catch up with him. Another snap of his fingers signaled Ignis to literally drill down on Ozai to block another one of his strikes.

Now running side by side and perfectly within striking distance, Ozai reeled back to ready another onslaught of savage blows as Relius commanded his wife to do the same. And soon enough the two combatants repeatedly lunged forward with blinding speeds Flames spewing everywhere with each strike parried. Neither foe would refuse to slow down their rush as they continued to wail on each other's own hands.

The entire situation gave Relius and Ozai the strangest urge to repeatedly shout "MUDA MUDA MUDA!" but they dismissed the notion due to how silly it sounded. The constant attack rushes continued for what seemed like ages until Relius finally decided to take action himself. Before Ozai knew it, a strange guillotine like contraption emerged from the ground and clamped down on his body hard, completely restricting his movement. Right on cue, Ignis materialized a strange magical orb in her hand and lunged at Ozai once more, further restricting their man's actions before Relius summoned a tower of gears to shred the firebender from beneath his feet.

"You won't end me so easily!" Ozai shouted with his anger finally having reached its peak. Before his foes could react he delivered an uppercut so strong, Ignis was launched sky high, clearly not coming down for a while. Before he could be struck again, Ozai grabbed hold of the mechanical fist that soon emerged from Relius's cloak and yanked hard, forcing the scientist within prime striking range. The impact of what amounted to a single Falcon Punch was enough to send the masked man flying through the forest. Not allowing Relius another action, he shot out an enormous fireball at the man while he was still reeling, which exploded on contact.

Relius recovered his bearings once he finally landed on solid ground, now summoning a mass of mechanical hands to try to snag his adversary from afar. Ozai burned the attack away with ease, now rising into the air to bombard the scientist from above, clearly sparing no chance of the man's survival. It soon came to the point where one could not see Relius Clover underneath the mass series of explosions. All Ozai could see was smoke once he finally touched down from his bombardment. Luckily, there was no sign of Ignis anywhere but one could not be too cautious. Ozai let out an evil laugh, now confident that he had finally won his duel, until he heard the surprisingly calm cry of-

"Ignis, finish him!"

Cue Music 15

A sharp pain suddenly engulfed Ozai's body as Ignis's clawed hand embedded itself into the man's face. His vision faded to complete darkness for a short while. Once his senses finally returned, Ozai found himself hanging from a block of ice inside a mysterious room. Ozai was far too tired to do anything but look around to examine his surroundings, which included a strange magic circle, a bloodstained wall, the shadows of bodies hanging just outside a window... and Relius Clover himself calmly sitting on a chair and drinking tea, clearly having waited for the firebender to awaken.

"Such a fascinating specimen..." Relius stated as he approached the immobile Ozai. "Let the experiments begin!" Were the final words Ozai could make out before he heard what sounded like the closing of a heavy door. The only sounds that followed were the former Fire Lord's agonizing screams of terror.


Relius stretched his weary arms as he finally exited the forest, which amazingly was still on fire. "Such a shame he did not last too long, wouldn't you agree Ignis? I suppose the man's sorry state wasn't exactly an ideal condition for my research... But I suppose will have to make due with-"

"Stop right there, Colonel! We have your sorry ass surrounded!" Relius's monologue was stopped prematurely when he looked up to see a good number of familiar faces greeting him. "Ah, Major Kisaragi, Lieutenant Ver-"

"Not one word, fiend! You have caused quite enough havoc on this day!" A rather loud mouthed man garbed in green accused, pointing at the mad scientist as if he were a lawyer. Relius sighed as he facepalmed for what must have been the twentieth time today. "Well, this did not go according to plans." Relius blurted out as he felt a sword held by a flashily dressed black haired girl come dangerously to his throat.

"You know, you really give your kind a bad name." The girl began to lecture, prompting a heavy sigh from the scientist. This was going to be one hell of a long night.


Cue Music 16

Theodore: Do I even want to know what happened back there?

Luther: If you value your sanity? No.

Nova: Low lets just hurry up and explain everything before the ADBP busts down our doors!

Alice: Sounds good to me. Now there's no question that Ozai would be well and able to keep up with a fighter like Relius, especially when we take his battle with Avatar Aang into account.

Luther: But here's the thing: Aang's battle with Ozai only lasted so long due to his pacifistic nature. Hell, he had the perfect opportunity to finish the fight when he deflected Ozai's lightning away from him!

Theodore: Sure enough, Relius Clover is much more of a ruthless foe than Ozai's faced so far, but that alone isn't going to score either daddy a win. But if you want to start talking experience? Sure neither of these guys get their hands dirty all that often but Relius is at least twice Ozai's age, at over a hundred years old!

Alice: Hell, in most of the fights Relius even took part in, he didn't really take too much effort in his victories.

Luther: And I'm sure it goes without saying that Relius wins out in the intelligence department, but that's not exactly the most important part either.

Nova: And believe me, while Ozai's skill in battle is absolutely nothing to scoff at, but his extremely offensive fighting style is exactly what Relius and Ignis are well suited to dealing with. Specifically, Relius specializes on keeping constant pressure on his targets, which sure as hell kept Ozai on his toes.

Alice: Sure, Ignis CAN be taken out of the battle, but only temporarily and with no ill effects to Relius. She's just like a Jojo Stand, but without the whole physical link.

Luther: Suck it, Dio!

Theodore: While Ozai's extremely violent fighting style may be his greatest strength, it's also his greatest weakness. Remember, fueling firebending with too much anger and rage can easily put the user's life in danger. He may be able to lay on the hurt for a while, but it was only a matter of time before Relius finished him off.

Alice: And while we're at it, Relius is more than capable of taking any of Ozai's assaults anyway.I mean hell, he's even been bathed in lava once and it sure as hell didn't faze him that much. Lets not forget the time Relius managed to not only outlast but even kill off Hazama, who as we all know is one ridiculously tough son of a bitch.

Nova: Oh and one more thing about Ozai's fight with Aang? He was tremendously buffed by Sozin's Comet at the time, clearly implying he would not have lasted as long without it. But hey, at least we have Alice here to thank for somehow hacking those buffs back into him. (It certainly helped, but it's still not enough.)

Luther: All in all, while Ozai's firepower is just as deadly as we've only been led to believe, Relius can take just as much punishment and deal it all back tenfold. At least!

Nova: Technology 1, Firebending 0! Science FTW!

Alice: The Father of the Year winner is Relius Clover.

Relius Wins

Post Episode

Luther: Day... actually I never kept track of how long I was here. And oh look, we're still f*cking trapped!

Theodore: What can I say? it's not like the solution to all our problems is just gonna drop out of the sky.

Luther: I know, right? that would be absolutely ridi- OW!

Nova: What force of nature has a grudge on you this time, Luth? And what's that on the floor....

Cue Music 17

Alice: ...You have got to be kidding me.

Luther: What are you guys making such a big deal over, it's just a notebook...

Theodore: Well holy shit.

Nova: Somebody get this man a bag of potato chips!

Luther: Well hold on now, we don't even know if the damn thing's real!

Alice: Well, why don't we test it out? I could easily hack into the information of any of those protestors out there.

Nova: What? Come on, Allie, we'd be sure to get caught if it actually ends up working!

Theodore: Oh, THAT'S your biggest concern? Because you can be damn sure it'll fall into the hands of evil if we just toss it out the window!

Luther: Well yeah, who's stupid enough to do that, right?


Luther: I did just chuck my chocolate wrapper out the window, right?

Theodore: Litterbug!


Alice: Conglaturation Luth. Only you could f*ck up an opportunity like this so badly.

Luther: Oh, it's fine right? All we have to do is sneak out of the building, avoid the Anti Death Battle Protestors, and claim the not-Death Note back!

Nova: What do you mean we? You're on your own for this!

Luther: Eh, I should've seen that coming.

Theodore: I'll be sure your gravestone reads: Here lies the world's biggest sap. But good luck either way!

Luther: Uh huh... Thanks.


Luther: Wow, are you guys still watching?


...How about a little request? In the event that you decide to post a comment down below, add in *Son, you are disappoint!* at the end of your comment to let us know you actually read the entire episode!

Alice: It's good to know you'd make a great parental figure.

Luther: Thanks for your time! We hope you enjoyed yourselves, Luther out!
Seriously speaking, who is the worse father?

The poll was created at 20:33 on February 8, 2016, and so far 25 people voted.
Who would you root for in this battle?

The poll was created at 20:33 on February 8, 2016, and so far 23 people voted.

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