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Spinal vs. Cervantes
  • Nkstjoa
  • Nkstjoa (Remastered)
  • TheRoaringRex
  • Dio the Ludicolo
Season 2, Episode 21
Vital statistics
Air date November 19, 2016
Written by Nkstjoa
Directed by Nkstjoa
Episode guide
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Max Payne vs. Nathan Drake Homer vs Peter

Spinal vs. Cervantes is a What-If? episode of Death Battle.

Description

Killer Instinct VS Soul Calibur! The two undead pirates of the fighting genre prepare to draw their swords! Can Cervantes hold his own against the skeletal warrior?

Interlude

Wiz: Pirates. The swashbuckling pillagers of the Seven Seas.

Boomstick: And these two pirates are so badass that death just couldn't keep them down! Like Spinal, the skeletal fighter of Killer Instinct.

Wiz: And Cervantes, the Great Immortal Dread Pirate of Soulcalibur.

Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick!

Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win... a Death Battle.

Spinal

(*cues Killer Instinct Gold - Spinal at 3 seconds*)

Spinal is shown fighting various Killer Instinct characters, proceeding from the first game up until 2013's installment.

Boomstick: Ah Spinal, the original fighting game skeleton and pirate.

Wiz: While one of Killer Instinct’s most iconic characters, his origins are anything but set in stone.

Boomstick: See, the first time he appeared, Spinal was torn from death by UltraTech's cell regeneration experiments and pretty much became one of their pawns. The next time he showed up, he was resurrected by Gargos in the past and was forced to do the demonic warlord’s bidding.

Wiz: Then we move on to his current origin, where Spinal began his life not as a pirate... but as a bandit in ancient Babylon.

(*cues Killer Instinct (Xbox One) - Kan-Ra Theme)

'Boomstick: Ooo... kay.' Well he and his fellow bandit network were recruited by the vizier Kan-Ra to weaken Babylon’s king by attacking his resources, in turn bringing down his wealth. However, the king figured out what was going on and they were soon captured.

Wiz: The conspirators were subjugated to sorcery and suffered various and unique diabolical curses to their bodies and minds. Spinal’s fate proved to be the worst out of all of them, as the Mask of the Ancients, an incredibly powerful artifact of control, was shackled over his face.

Boomstick: See, the king used this mask to force Spinal into becoming his servant and protector. While Spinal still had his own thoughts, his body basically acted on its own towards the king’s orders, no matter how suicidal or downright absurd they were.

Wiz: Feeling every cut and fracture in his body and only a witness in his own body, Spinal’s helplessness as the king’s ancient personal robot assistant ate away at his sanity.

Boomstick: Then the king got bored of him and had Spinal burn himself alive just for the giggles.

(*cues Killer Instinct (Xbox One) - Spinal Theme*)

Boomstick: Only Spinal’s bones remained and even with the mask removed, the bones still twitched.

Wiz: Fearing the potential backfire, the king had the bones sealed in a lead casket and tossed into the sea. Centuries of isolation and confinement did allow Spinal to slowly regain control of his body and reform his bones into a human skeleton once again...

Boomstick: Buuut all of his years without control over his own body combined with centuries to himself kinda drove him past insane. Eventually, he finally broke out of the lead coffin, searching wrecked ships for the mask. A few more centuries later, he washed up in the Caribbean and took on a skeletal pirate’s life at last.

Wiz: Stories spread of how Spinal sank ships filled with treasures without taking even one gold coin... as the Mask of the Ancients was all that he sought so that he may finally obtain the eternal rest he had sought for so long... or gain enough power to spread pandemonium across the globe.

Boomstick: So then UltraTech’s head AI fembot ARIA found him still looking around for that damn mask in the modern day/future and offered it to him if he did what she wanted. Spinal did and the mask was all his... but turns out it had lost its power. Boy, this skeleton just cannot catch a break, can he?

(*0:45*)

Wiz: Spinal battles to find the entity responsible, and he certainly doesn’t do so with his bare skeletal hands...

Boomstick: Aside from a sliding kick and a gravity-defying dive kick, Spinal’s primary means of attack is his trusty cutlass. He can swing it downward with enough force to down foes, swing upward hard enough to send foes airborne, and can even ignite it on fire for a fire-enhanced slash. He originally had a buckler shield in his other hand, which had a retractable spike in its center for stabbing strikes, but then he traded it in for the awesome kraken shield.

Wiz: It houses magical properties, allowing him use beyond just simple defense. Aside from a charging shield bash, it can also fire spectral skulls or even consecutive energy waves.

Boomstick: And it can not only absorb enemy projectiles that strike it, but can even store them for later use to turn on his foes. Suddenly it’s not so wise to do the same projectile over and over now is it?

Wiz: And through either the mask or through learning it, Spinal is adept in the use of various magical abilities. He can telep...

Boomstick: Skeleport around his foes, conjure ghostly skeletal hands to grab, punch or throw, has minor telekinesis, and can even briefly shapeshift to replicate his foes while dishing out a quick beatdown. Sure, he can't exactly steal their moves or abilities, but there's something satisfying about beating the crap out of your opponent... as your opponent.

Wiz: Spinal can further enhance his spectral skulls to curse the opponent upon impact, draining them of some of their power and giving it to Spinal for his own use. And in the Agent of Chaos state, Spinal’s skulls will bounce across the battlefield until they hit their mark or his reserves are exhausted.

Boomstick: Hell, he can even absorb his own skulls during this power-up to recharge his stock. And when he’s done with his foes, he can have skeletal hands pull them underground or hold them in place as a gigantic skull falls and crushes them. Squish! Or he can finish them in a telekinetic snap.

Wiz: Surviving over 600 years aside, Spinal has defeated the likes of Sabrewulf, T.J. Combo, and even Kim Wu, a martial artist who happened to be a descendant of legendary heroes.

Boomstick: And while you’d think his skeletal frame would make him easy to break, not quite in Spinal’s case. He’s survived blows from Kim Wu’s magically-enhanced nunchaku Yeo, fellow immortal Tusk’s greatsword Warg-Gram, and even UltraTech's masterpiece Fulgore himself.

Wiz: Despite his clear fighting prowess, Spinal is still considered an unreliable UltraTech asset due to his patchy win-loss record.

Boomstick: Yeah, he hasn’t had much luck taking down the demi-god killer brother-sister duo and other heroes like the icy alien Glacius. And while withstanding blows from Tusk sounds impressive, he didn’t win that skirmish and was eventually knocked out.

Wiz: His curse ability can grant Spinal additional power, but if he is struck, he will lose his power-up. And Spinal’s magical bond between his bones isn’t completely infallible. A strong enough blow could cause separation between them... such as when Chief Thunder actually managed to destroy the skeletal warrior.

Boomstick: Hell, it doesn't even matter. *clears throat*

Boomstick *pirate impression*: If ye ever encounter this bone chilling swashbuckler of the seas, be lucky ye leave without a scratch!

Spinal stands atop the crow’s nest of a sailing ship, he tosses both his cutlass and shield to his side, then raises his hand and cackles as it glows and emits golden flame-like energy.

Cervantes

(*cues Soul Calibur III - Lorekeeper*)

Wiz: Throughout the Soulcalibur world, there have been many servants of evil whose mere implied presence spread fear. A golem wielding a giant axe created by an evil cult. A young woman who serves the Azure Knight with her ring blade.

Boomstick: As well as a lizardman and a blind contortionist with an insane fashion sense. But few inspire as much absolute dread as the dread pirate... Cervantes.

(*cues Soul Blade - Bravely Folk Song at 8 seconds*)

Wiz: Cervantes de Leon began as a simple sailor... whose father happened to be a well-known privateer for Spain.

Boomstick: Philip de Leon was renowned for never killing the crews of ships he attacked. If that wasn’t nice enough of him, he always made sure they made it home safe and had enough supplies to last the trip. Man, that sounds like an anti-pirate right there.

Wiz: Cervantes took great pride in his father... until one day, an English warship disguised as a merchant vessel ambushed and killed him.

Boomstick: Obviously Cervantes took the healthy route of coping by becoming a notorious pirate. His ruthlessness and efficiency soon caught the attention of the Merchant of Death Vercci, who gave him a simple task: find Soul Edge. At first, Cervantes was like "Eh, I dunno...", but considering Vercci was supplying him with artillery in the first place, he finally accepted and the search was on.

Wiz: Sure enough, he sought out and attacked a ship with a strange article onboard, which turned out to be the vile blade he was looking for. But upon gripping Soul Edge, Cervantes’ soul was eventually devoured, driving the pirate into utter madness and insanity and tearing apart his free will.

(*cues Soul Calibur - Leaving The World Behind at 10 seconds*)

Boomstick: He slaughtered his entire crew and disappeared for over twenty years, killing anyone who sought out the evil sword. Even after he was finally slain, he was resurrected by Soul Edge’s new wielder Nightmare and from that point onward terrorized the seas in his ghost ship, plundering and stealing souls so that Soul Edge could be restored.

Wiz: Originally, Cervantes wielded Soul Edge itself... which just so happened to be two swords at the time.

Boomstick: Then some hot Greek chick broke one of them, leaving him with just one left... until Nightmare was all like "I want it back" and the sword left him. But Cervantes still has the most fearsome weapon combo of the seven seas with his longsword Acheron and Nirvana, his pistol with a blade attached.

(*cues Soul Calibur V - The Storm Bringer*)

Wiz: With Acheron and Nirvana in hand, Cervantes is more than a match for your average swordsman. He wields them with a rather interesting combination of fighting styles. Arnis, a Filipino martial art focusing on weapons, footwork, holds, and defending and reacting to the angle of attacks.

Boomstick: He also uses Savate, a French martial art combining boxing with kicks, and Niten Ichi-ryū, a Japanese art all about duel-wielding blades. Boy, Cervantes sure must’ve traveled a lot to learn all of that. With those three under his résumé, he combines them in battle, resulting in a fighting style all about absolutely devastating foes' defenses and stopping them from getting to him.

Wiz: Cervanes can swing his blades with enough force to send foes flying into the air or even causing them to bounce off of the ground, and is capable of stabbing at a rapid rate.

Boomstick: And one of Cervantes' favorite past times are grabbing and stabbing his foes with his blades, whether it's each going in at a time, lifting them and slamming them back down, or even using his pistol gun to stab and shoot at the same time.

Cervantes catches a falling opponent with his pistol's blade, then fires his pistol twice before tossing them away.

Boomstick: Hey wait, how can his pistol shoot twice in a row without reloading?

Wiz: It may just be his link to Soul Edge itself, whose power allows his pistol to do what no other of his era can.

Boomstick: Easy answer aside, Cervantes can teleport backward and up into the air to throw off his foes... and we haven't even gotten to the fact that Cervantes can freakin' fly and has telekinesis.

Wiz: Well... somewhat. Cervantes can fly forward, though only for a brief instant to catch his foes off-guard with his speed. And while he's never shown any capability of telekinesis, Cervantes' connection to his weapons allows him to control them to a limited extent.

Boomstick: Nothing like throwing a guy into the air, then sitting back and cackling while your two blades do all the work for you before sending the guy back down. And as if all of that wasn't enough, he can enhance his moves with his Dread Stance, making them even more deadly.

Wiz: Cervantes effortlessly defeated Li Long, the man who would eventually train Soulcalibur's Elvis Bruce Lee impersonator Maxi, as well as scored a win against Sophitia and once had himself an undead army. His power was so great that it took the combined beatings from both Sophitia and the Fu-Ma ninja Taki to bring him down.

Boomstick: He also defeated Ivy, his daughter... oh yeah, he had a daughter. That was until a rematch, in which she won and took back her soul, as well as all of the souls Cervantes had ever devoured. This left the guy with not only his body beaten, but his mind pretty much shattered and he was swallowed by a dimensional rift created by Soul Edge soon afterward. It seemed like the final end of the cursed pirate...

(*cues Soul Calibur III - No Regrets*)

Wiz: But years passes and rumors began to spread of his old ship, the Adrian, terrorizing the seas with Cervantes at its helm. Turns out Cervantes had broken free of Soul Edge's control, regained his mind, soul and free will, escaped the dimension, and returned at the height of his power.

Boomstick: When Yoshimitsu looked for him and decided to take him on, Cervantes left him mortally wounded. And with his new body overflowing with a fraction of Soul Edge's power... somehow... according to the art book, Acheron can strike with enough force to shatter an airborne cannonball and Nirvana fires with more force than a cannonshot.

Wiz: Exaggeration? Possibly. And despite being able to take many blows without stopping, Cervantes is not invincible. His durability does have limits, and he is extremely arrogant, thinking himself above Soul Edge and the gods themselves.

Boomstick: He's more than earned that cockiness after all he's been through. While everyone else was all worried about the fate of the world and finding or destroying the Soul blades, Cervantes said "Whatevs" and did his own thing.

Boomstick *pirate impression*: Whether ye be in a port town or at sea, if ye see the immortal dread pirate, get ready to fill out yer locker at Davy Jones'.

Cervantes: Wallow... in despair.

DEATH BATTLE!

Wiz: Alright, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all.

Boomstick *pirate impression*: Yar, why it be time fer a pi-rate DEATH BATTLE!

Spinal Cervantes SET

Nkstjoa

In a large cave unseen for centuries lied a lone pirate ship next to a large rocky dockside. The ship having been left idle for so many years without care, its outside was tattered and it wouldn’t take much to cause it to tear apart. It was then that another ship had ventured through the cave and to the dockside. An anchor was cast into the water below, a lone pirate had leapt onto the old and abandoned ship, a feat very few could pull off in one bound, and then admired what he saw onboard.

???: Lady luck must be on my side today.

Wearing fanciful boots, dark grey pants, a red coat with an opening in the front, and a luxurious captain’s hat with white feathers adorned on top, the mutton-chopped pirate Cervantes stood atop a long-forgotten ship filled to the brim with golden treasures. He looked across at the golden coins, jewels, and ornaments covering the very floor he stood upon when he saw a lone treasure chest. He grinned.

Cervantes: Heh heh heh... I'm tingling with excitement.

What could be inside the chest? Cervantes couldn’t wait to find out. He approached it and saw a lock across it...

...not a problem for dread pirate, who sliced through the lock with a single slash of his longsword Acheron. During this, a small green mist emerged upon a small spot of the ship and from it came a skeletal hand holding a cutlass. A skeleton had climbed out of the mist and stood atop the ship. With brown sailing boots, a tattered kilt, a sailing ship’s wheel lodged through it, rope covering its chest, carrying a most peculiar shield on its back, donning a red headband upon its skull and its eyes glowing green, it was none other than Spinal. Cervantes kneeled down at the chest and prepared to open it. Spinal took a step forward...

...but with the poor condition of the ship, even Spinal could not hope to sneak up on the dread pirate, who turned around after hearing a loud crackling of wood behind him. Cervantes looked over at Spinal, but did not appear terrified at the skeletal warrior. With everything Cervantes had seen and been through, he was entirely desensitized.

Cervantes: Well well, aren't we scary. *gestures Acheron to the side* Out of my sight!

He turned back to the chest before him and waited to hear the sound of Spinal leaving. Instead, he clearly heard the steps getting louder as Spinal walked forward. The skeletal pirate was not about to take orders from what looked to be just some human captain.

Cervantes: You dare... to defy me?

Cervantes did not take this insult lightly.

Cervantes: How dare you...

He reached his other hand to his belt and prepared to draw his signature weapon.

Cervantes: You...

Spinal saw Cervantes reaching for something and decided to place his other skeletal hand upon his shield.

Cervantes: ...rabble!

He turned and fired his bladed pistol Nirvana, firing off a shot at the skeletal intruder.

(*cues Tekken 5 - Pirate's Cove or Tekken: Dark Resurrection - Tiamat*)

Cervantes was surprised to see this wrench was entirely unaffected, holding a shield with a kraken-like design across, which had stopped the shot from his pistol... something almost none Cervantes ever encountered had done. Spinal then took his cutlass and made a gesture he knew a pirate like Cervantes would easily be able to comprehend: a slice across his skeletal throat.

Cervantes: If you truly wish to meet your end in battle, then I will perform the last rites!

The dread pirate swung both Acheron and Nirvana before getting into his fighting stance.

Spinal vs Cervantes

Image by Dio the Ludicolo

FIGHT!

Spinal slides across the ground for a sliding kick, which Cervantes scoffs at. He leaps upward, then slams downward onto Spinal with a kick. Cervantes took advantage of the grounded Spinal and stabbed into the ground with both blades...

Only to see that he had missed his mark due to Spinal's skeletal frame, with Acheron and Nirvana stabbing between his narrow spine. Spinal struck Cervantes' face with his shield, then began a combo of slices and shield bashes before booting him backwards, sending him flying off his feet. Cervantes slammed back-first through the ship's door, which had barely dangled on and not only broke off, but basically shattered. Cervantes walked through the opening almost like nothing had happened.

Cervantes: Is that all?

After hearing this taunt, Spinal charged at Cervantes with his shield when he noticed the dread pirate was blocking with only his right hand weapon, Nirvana. After Spinal's shield met it, a quick swing from Acheron knocked the kraken shield right out of his skeletal hand. Cervantes then slugged Spinal in the jaw with his right hand, the force of which surprised Spinal with how hard he had been struck. He was left dazed as Cervantes swung Nirvana downward onto Spinal, who was forced onto his knees, then floored by Nirvana and Acheron striking downward together.

As he lied on the ship's floor, Spinal turned and noticed a buckler shield lying nearby him. He rolled to dodge downward swings from Cervantes, then grabbed the buckler shield and immediately countered with a powerful slash from his cutlass. Cervantes reeled back in that split-second, only to be struck by the cutlass repeatedly while it was enhanced with fire, then suddenly stabbed in the stomach.

The buckler shield released a spike from its center and twice more he was stabbed, then left pinned to a wall and dangling a few inches off the ground.

Cervantes appeared motionless and Spinal, confident he had scored a kill, turned his attention to his kraken shield and the treasure chest. After retrieving his kraken shield, he opened the chest, hoping to finally find the mask he had sought for so long...

...only to be disappointed with more useless gold coins and jewels. He turned the chest over, desperate to see if the mask may have been hidden and obscured by the rest, but it was nowhere to be seen and nowhere on this ship.

Spinal then heard something behind him and turned to see that Cervantes had gotten onto his feet and tore the spiked buckler shield off of himself without any discomfort.

Cervantes: What a waste...

He threw the buckler shield into the air, then prepared to swing Acheron.

Cervantes: ...of my time!

He slashed it, cutting the shield in two and sending the pieces straight towards Spinal, who covered himself with the kraken shield. After the pieces of the shield scattered, Spinal looked over his kraken shield and saw Cervantes flying towards him with his blades out front like a drill.

Cervantes: Go under!

It was too late to avoid it and Spinal could only block it, but the impact pushed Spinal backward with great force. Once he had stopped, Spinal saw his back was turned toward the waters below, but as he turned in front of him, Cervantes swung both blades downward onto Spinal's shoulders, knocking him onto the ground.

Cervantes: You shall have...

He placed Acheron and Nirvana underneath Spinal's shoulders.

Cervantes: ...a watery grave!

He launched Spinal upward into the air, then teleported above him and charged a shot from Nirvana.

Cervantes: Drown!

The shot struck Spinal, sending him plummeting into the waters below.

SPLASH!

(*music ends*)

The dread pirate laughed to himself as he saw Spinal sink further downward without moving.

Cervantes: The game is over!

Spinal continued sinking further downward until he hit the sandy bottom. He simply lied there unmoved by the depths when a great white shark came rocketing into him, catching Spinal with its teeth.

Cervantes threw crates of gold and jewels from the rotted ship onto the Adrian without a single care now that Spinal was out of the picture.

Spinal did not take being treated as a shark's chew toy lightly, as he reached for his cutlass.

Having finished, Cervantes looked over at the waters below and saw that it had begun to turn red.

(*cues Killer Instinct (Xbox One) - Kan-Ra Theme at 56 seconds*)

Soon afterward, a slayed shark emerged as well with clear wounds from a cutlass. The skeletal warrior still lived...

Cervantes: Absurd!

Spinal emerged from behind Cervantes in a green and glowing aura as Cervantes quickly turned and slashed with Acheron. He didn't feel any impact with the skeleton, so he turned around once more, only to see Spinal in mid-air performing a gravity-defying dive kick.

(1:07)

Cervantes was knocked right off of the ship, landing onto the rocky square to the boat's side. He got up quickly battle-ready, looking over at Spinal standing on the ship, awaiting his next move. Spinal disappeared in a green glow and Cervantes was on the ready when Spinal emerged from behind him once more. There was more to this skeleton than meets the eye...

The dread pirate swung at Spinal, who simply teleported away once more...

Cervantes: You think I could lose to the likes of you?

Cervantes positioned his swords to stab behind him and sure enough, Spinal was knocked back, guarding with his shield. He disappeared once more, this time leaving Cervantes to look around for him. Spinal leaps up into the air towards the unaware Cervantes...

...or so it seemed, as the dread pirate quickly turned around and caught the skeletal warrior on Nirvana's blade.

Cervantes: You pathetic wrench.

He fired Nirvana twice into Spinal, then slammed him into the ground, breaking off a few pebbles from the rocky ground. Cervantes aimed Nirvana downward at Spinal's skull when a giant skeletal hand emerged from the ground and grabbed hold of Cervantes' head. It lifted him off the ground, then released a green energy, blasting Cervantes backward. The dread pirate simply brushed himself off as he got back up.

Cervantes: This is ridiculous!

Cervantes then saw something most peculiar: Spinal transforming into a grayscale version of... Cervantes, complete with his own Acheron and Nirvana. The two took on their stances and clashed, but Cervantes was not even moved. In fact, he already knew which attacks Spinal was about to do as he was performing them, as he knew his own fighting style inside and out.

Cervantes: You fool...

He simply waited for one last strike...

KI Announcer: C-C-C-C-C-Combo Breaker!

Killer Instinct 2013 - Combo Breaker

Spinal was knocked into the air, his Cervantes form wearing off. He saw Cervantes aiming upward with Nirvana and quickly shielded himself with the kraken shield. The shot once again had no effect, which frustrated Cervantes. As Spinal landed, Cervantes stabbed rapidly with Acheron, but Spinal's guard withstood it as the shield emitted a green glow. Soon afterward, a green skull emerged from it and struck the dread pirate. Suddenly, Cervantes began to feel slightly weakened, almost as if he had lost some of his power.

Cervantes: What?!

He dropped his weapons and fell onto his knees as Spinal looked over, his mouth as close to a grin as he could muster. He looked over at the weakened Cervantes, placed his shield onto his back, and raised his cutlass with both hands like an executioner. Just as he prepared to swing it down onto the dread pirate's neck...

Cervantes: Not so fast!

Cervantes ducked onto the ground, avoiding the downward slice of the cutlass. Spinal prepared to stab the lying Cervantes when the dread pirate span, kicking Spinal with both legs and grounding the skeletal warrior. After this, Cervantes no longer felt the fatigue from before, as his power had returned to him after the successful blow.

The dread pirate's ruse was successful, and Spinal quickly grabbed onto his shield as he saw Cervantes preparing his charge stance once more. To counteract this, Spinal placed his shield right in front of him and got into a running position. As Cervantes flew forward with his blades, Spinal charged forward with his shield. The two seemed equal, both stopping at around the same time, but after the fact, Spinal quickly fired off waves of energy from his shield. Cervantes quickly got into blocking position, but his guard soon broke soon afterward. As he reeled back, Spinal raised his hand upward into the air.

Cervantes suddenly saw himself being grabbed by his legs by two skeletons, who proceeded to drag him downward into the ground, likely to the underworld. He quickly composed himself and slashed at them with Acheron and Nirvana. As their bones scattered, he realized the bottom half of his legs were stuck in the ground and that Spinal still had his hand raised up high.

He saw a shadow growing larger too late as a gigantic skull fell from the sky onto him.

CRUSH!

(*music ends*)

The impact caused the skull to partially sink into the ground, leaving a small crater. Spinal gave off a scoff-like noise before turning his back to his flattened opponent. But a sudden noise from behind him caught his attention...

A shot from Nirvana fired straight up, splitting the giant skull in half, as it soon rolled off of the grounded Cervantes, who lied in the crater and began to glow with a purple aura.

Cervantes: Fool!

Spinal ran in to finish him off, but Cervantes flew above him, looking down upon the skeletal warrior.

(*cues Mega Man X Command Mission - Epsilon's 2nd Movement*)

Cervantes: There won't be anything left of you!

He flew foward at Spinal, who charged with his shield, only to be quickly overpowered. Spinal fell and grinded against the ground as he continued to cover himself with his shield. Cervantes ran towards Spinal as he got back up and, with the skeletal warrior's only option being to guard, the dread pirate rapidly stabbed at the shield with both blades.

Cervantes: How weak!

Spinal's guard broke and Cervantes took advantage of it by grabbing the skeletal warrior and throwing him into the air along with his two blades.

Spinal had no idea what this could mean until he saw Cervantes simply cross his arms...

Cervantes: Come, have a taste of my power.

...Acheron and Nirvana began to move on their own. They circled around Spinal, slashing at him while also forcing him to float further upward into the air as Cervantes cackled to himself. The blades then slammed Spinal into the ground, Acheron in particular breaking one of his ribs, as the dread pirate retrieved his blades. Spinal quickly got onto his feet and slashed at the dread pirate, who easily countered all of Spinal's slashes before guarding with both blades glowing a bright green...

Cervantes: Ah ha!

He pushed Spinal and his cutlass back, then swung both Acheron and Nirvana at the blade.

Cervantes: Scatter!

SHATTER!

Spinal saw that his cutlass' blade had been cut in two, becoming little more than a dagger.

During Spinal's shock, Cervantes swung Acheron with incredible force, knocking the kraken shield out of Spinal's hand and far into the air before booting the skeletal warrior. Spinal teleported further backward to avoid any further attacks, but then saw Cervantes quick-drawing Nirvana, which glowed.

Cervantes: Die!

He fired, the shot so quick that Spinal couldn't teleport to avoid it in time. All he could do was duck the shot, which barely scrapped the top of his skull, then zoomed past him into the rotted ship right behind him. After the impact, the entire ship began to split and sink. It was clearly much more powerful than any of the shots before it...

Spinal then caught his kraken shield and saw Cervantes' blades glowing as he prepared a familiar stance.

Cervantes: You'll pay!

The skeletal warrior got into a blocking position, more than familiar with Cervantes' flying charge. But as he looked back towards Cervantes, he disappeared. He then saw Cervantes emerge above and behind him, and turned frantically to guard against him, but the dread pirate had already begun descending towards him quickly with Acheron and Nirvana.

Cervantes: Take this!

Spinal guarded his head with the kraken shield, then realized too late that it wasn't Cervantes' intended target...

(*cues Soul Calibur V - A Surge of Darkness*)

He suddenly felt a great pain, then looked over and saw that his right arm, cutlass in hand, had been severed from his skeletal body from the sheer force of the blades. Spinal staggered and stumbled backward before falling onto his knee, the kraken shield covering his body.

Cervantes: Taste the pain I have endured!

He looked over and saw Cervantes raising his right foot off the ground and preparing a large swing from Acheron. Acheron had an orange glow to it that became almost fiery.

Cervantes: You shall burn in hellfire!

(0:14)

He swung it downward onto the guarding Spinal.

Cervantes: This is your fate!

Acheron's clash with the kraken shield glowed with fiery orange energy...








...when a burst of green emerged from the shield, strking Cervantes.

(*cues Soul Calibur V - Nightmare's Demise*)

He stumbled backward, once more feeling a drop in his power from Spinal's cursed skulls. He was suddenly struck from behind, then turned around and slashed to see that it was a skeletal arm. He was struck from behind once more, then saw more and more skeletal arms around him. Spinal glowed green and fired off four cursed skulls. Cervantes saw them coming and either side-stepped them or knocked them away with his swords, but the skeletal hands moved to strike Cervantes or to swat the skulls back at Cervantes.

One by one, Cervantes was struck by each until one final fifth skull hit its mark. Cervantes dropped his weapons, this time out of true exhaustion. Even as he saw Spinal approaching him, he refused to beg for mercy or appear afraid.

(0:25)

Cervantes: I am... immortal!

Spinal charged with his shield and swung it, sending Cervantes into the air. He then disappeared from sight and as Cervantes saw the waters below him, he saw Spinal, once again in the form of a grayscale Cervantes, above him. Spinal charged his false Nirvana and fired it downward onto the dread pirate. While nowhere near as powerful as the real Nirvana, the shot was sufficient enough to send Cervantes rocketing deep into the depths of the ocean.

SPLASH!

Spinal landed back onto the ground as his usual self, then looked over at the broken cutlass lying nearby him.

Cervantes crashed into the sandy ground, looking upward at the surface, which seemed faraway from how deep he was. It was then that Spinal sunk downward towards Cervantes with a drop kick, landing on his stomach and keeping him pinned to the ground. He then proceeded to stab the broken cutlass into the dread pirate's chest, keeping him pinned down to the ocean floor. He walked off of Cervantes as the dread pirate desperately tried to pull the cutlass out of him when Spinal took out a magical medallion and held it upward. It glowed with green energy and let off lightning-like sparks as Cervantes suddenly felt something gripping his neck and slightly raising his head off of the ground. He raised his hands towards his neck, but found himself unable to grab onto whatever had gripped him. Done with the dread pirate, Spinal tilted the medallion...

CRACK!

Cervantes' neck was snapped, ending the dread pirate's struggle.

Spinal's arm still lied on the ground of the dock as Spinal emerged behind it in a green glow. He picked it up and placed it onto his shoulder, where it soon after reattached itself. Cervantes then raised his shield upward.

Spinal: Yahahahahahahaha!

K.O.!

Cervantes' body remains motionless at the bottom of the ocean, its skin slowly becoming a pale purple, as Spinal sets sail aboard the Adrian. He then sees the skeletal assassin Revenant wielding two wave swords standing nearby him, waiting to fight. Spinal shrugs, pulls out Nirvana, and fires, knocking Revenant off the boat, then raises both Nirvana and Acheron into the air in victory.

Results

(*cues Killer Instinct (Xbox One) - Spinal Theme at 2:06*)

Boomstick *pirate impression*: Gar, that be a shame.

Wiz: For starters, yes, both Acheron and Nirvana trumped Spinal's cutlass, as both Cervantes' blades were overall superior in just about every category.

Boomstick: And to be fair, his aggressive style is one few in the Soulcalibur world can defend, let alone survive against, but that damn kraken shield changes everything!

Wiz: Right. Its magical properties allowed it to use Cervantes' own firepower against him and could withstand any of his blows.

Boomstick: Not to mention his skeletal frame only made it harder for Cervantes to make his mark, apart from spoiling his stabby style.

Wiz: And even if Cervantes could strike Spinal, the skeletal warrior's bones have survived assaults from Tusk's fire-enhanced greatsword and Fulgore's plasma claws, as well as stood up to magically-enhanced weapons like Kim Wu's nunchaku, which were designed to slay evil beings.

Boomstick: Meanwhile, Cervantes has never shown immunity to such magic, as he was brought down by the combined beat down of both a divine holy sword forged by the Greek God Hephaestus and a supernatural ninja blade designed for slaying demons lesser than Cervantes himself. And his return from an alternate dimension with a new body and some of Soul Edge's power may sound like it made him top dog, but not quite.

Wiz: It brought Cervantes to the height of his power, not past it, and there was nothing stopping Spinal's curses from draining him of the little power he had taken from Soul Edge. That combined with his ability to conjure limbs to attack Cervantes from all angles and enough finishers to wear him down allowed Spinal the opportunity to bring down the great immortal dread pirate.

Boomstick *pirate impression*: Why Cervantes almost had himself a victory... then his chances sank.

Wiz: The winner is Spinal.

Spinal Winner

Next time...

???: Why you little...!









???: Oh that's it! You're history, pal!

Homer Peter Fake Thumbnail
Who would you be rooting for?
 
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The poll was created at 06:01 on August 16, 2014, and so far 53 people voted.

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