Donkey Kong vs. Wario is a What-If? episode of Death Battle.
|Wario VS Donkey Kong|
|Season 1, Episode 1|
|Air date||15th, 2016|
|This is the First Episode||Reinhardt VS Big Bull Crocker|
It's Wario Land VS Donkey Kong Country.
Wiz: Back in the early days of Nintendo, these two combatants were Mario's biggest rivals with the exception of Bowser.
Boomstick: So why not have a small man fight and ape that could be 8 feet tall?
Wiz: We have Wario, the Anti-Mario from the Wario Land and the WarioWare series.
Boomstick: Against Donkey Kong, the punch everything ape from Donkey Kong Country. Since they both have super forms, those will not be used in this battle.
Wiz: I'm Wiz and he's Boomstick, and it's our job to analyze their armor, weapons, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.
Wiz: The Donkey Kong line has extended for three generations of apes, starting with the Kong that first contended with Jump Man. Then came Donkey Kong Jr., who was forced to save his father from Jump Man himself.
Boomstick: And here comes Expanded Donkey Kong the Third, the all powerful dong.
Wiz: And here we go with the expand dong jokes. From the generations, Mario and Donkey Kong did hate each other, but the current Donkey Kong is in a friendly rivalry with the plumber.
Boomstick: They've played tennis together, raced cars together, soccer, anything you can think of. Donkey Kong has been there to compete with Mario.
Wiz: Donkey Kong is a formidable foe, standing at an astonishing 8 feet tall, and he is purely muscle.
Boomstick: How strong is he? Well, glad you asked! You see the moon? Imagine that but a bit smaller, and an ape is capable of punching it down to the Earth in a second.
Wiz: As we've calculated before, it is a punch capable of outputting over 3,000 megatons of force.
Boomstick: Donkey Kong can also punch stuff at meteor pace speeds, with is 25,000 miles per hour. He can dodge arrows on a bridge, and he can survive the Gs of being launched out of barrels at Mach speeds.
Wiz: Donkey Kong has also survived re entering orbit TWICE AND the explosion that sent him up to the moon in the first place.
Boomstick: Donkey Kong has special moves and items at his disposal. The Spinning Kong takes him short vertical distances. His headbutt can bury people in the ground. The Giant Punch could move the moon out of the sky. And the Ground Slam shakes the ground so hard that small earthquakes occur.
Wiz: Donkey Kong also carries the Coconut Gun, which fires homing coconuts.
Boomstick: And judging from his fight with Knuckles, they hurt.
Wiz: Donkey Kong also can use grenades, Orange Grenades, to be exact. Upon throwing these grenades, they, of course, explode.
Boomstick: DK also has a mode of transportation for himself.
Wiz: Rambi the Rhino is a beast. He can chase down enemies and trample them, he's even tough enough to take down wooden crates bigger then DK in a single shot.
Boomstick: But DK has his weaknesses. For example, rememeber how he's all muscle? Well...
Wiz: That includes his brain since he apparently has a cranial deformity. this makes him... rather stupid, like, REALLY stupid. Such stupidity includes thinking he was a crocodile, or maybe even the fact he followed his own treasure map... without knowing it was his.
Boomstick: And don't forget about his insufferable laziness too.
Wiz: DK and Diddy spent at least a few hours selling frozen coconuts, and he was making serious cash off of it, but apparently cracking coconuts with a fist gets tiring after that amount of time.
Boomstick: However, Donkey Kong might after all have the dong that could pierce the heavens.
Wiz: Greedy, fat, and seriously looks like a troll, Wario is possibly one of the more known video game characters out there.
Boomstick: He is hideous, but that doesn't mean he can pull a Zangief and pile drive his enemies into the ground!
Wiz: Yes, Wario is strong enough to pick up a Dragon and piledrive it. But that's not all he can do. He can crash through solid brick with a shoulder charge, throw his enemies over large distances, and roll to break through brick, stone, and ice.
Boomstick: And this guys' teeth are so big. I mean, he bites his enemies and chomps on them as an attack. Oh, also, he has a Nuclear Fart Attack that propels him so fucking high into the air.
Wiz: Wario also has his fair share of abilities, such as the Pots- no, not the drug, but Pots. There are three pots that give him abilities. The Jet Pot gives him bunny ears and gives him the ability to fly. The Dragon Pot gives him pyrokinesis that works underwater. Finally, the Bull Pot gives him enhanced strength and can cling to walls.
Boomstick: I know it's a Mario character, but seriously, Rabbit Ears lets him fly? Breath fire underwater? Bulls cling to walls?
Wiz: Don't question it.
Boomstick: Anyways, Wario is known as the Master of Disguise as well. Even though these abilities are strong, one hit and they're gone. But anyways, these 8 forms start with Thief Wario, an absolute useless form that only increases his speed.
Wiz: Cosmic Wario gives him a laser gun and allows him to jump higher. Arty Wario allows him to create hearts for health and create boxes. On the downside, he can't move OR attack.
Boomstick: Genius Wario can see invisible items and uses an extendable boxing glove to hit foes at large distances.
Wiz: Sparky Wario allows him to shoot sparks of electricity. Dragon Wario is basically the Dragon Pot. Captain Wario can float on water and submerge and fire torpedoes. Finally, Wicked Wario... he can just fly.
Boomstick: And that's not all. Wario has a super form like most of these fighters. Wario Man is accessed by eating a special garlic, seriously what is up with him and garlic? Anyways, Wario Man is invulnerable to attacks, is faster and stronger, can survive in space, and can fly momentarily.
Wiz: And Wario has his own modes of transportation, such as the Wario Car. The Wario Car is essentially a sports car. However it takes time to build up speed.
Boomstick: And the Wario Bike. A bike custom-built for Wario. It has better acceleration than The Wario Car and is good for chasing down enemies. And if it breaks, he can use the wheels as weapons.
Wiz: Wario is capable of many feats, the most notable is that he overpowered and out sped the Shake King.
Boomstick: Keep in mind, The Shake King has two feats. One of them is flying across the world at Massively Hypersonic speeds and when he died, he released enough energy to decimate a moon, AND WARIO was at the epicenter!
Wiz: Wario, however, is very greedy and will often cheat to win, which if going against an aggressive enemy will sure as hell fucking backfire. Plus, he too is kind of an idiot, like, a lot of his plans fail.
Boomstick: Example: One time he and Waluigi were playing Golf, and naturally they wanted to cheat to win, but they over shot the put.
Wiz: And hit Bowser. Or the one time they tried to sign up for Mario Kart and failed THAT of all things and were chased around by the cops. Long story short, he's an idiot.
Boomstick: But Wario can prove to the world that he is da best.
The Jungle, the almighty jungle. Boy is it a vast place of so much diversity. However, as of late, the jungle has been cut down in a massive area. A rich, short, little man had apparently decided to build a house for he and his brother there. So many species of animals were pushed out, and that wasn't good for all the others. So luckily for the inhabitants of the island, they had a savior in the shape of a 8 foot 300 pound ape. This ape, however, spent most of its days eating bananas at it's house. This ape was Donkey Kong.
One day, as the construction was finishing, the workers needed food, so they all set out to find some. The man who wanted the house got mad, they've been gone for a few hours now, break time was supposed to be a second long. The small man got up and went out to find the slackers and put them to work. This small man was Wario.
Wario followed the path he saw them took down to a cave. In the cave stood a massive pillar of bananas, however no one was there. He walked out to see that the workers were in the treeline unconscious. Wario sighed and just thought they were slackers and went back to the factory ground... unfortunately he got lost. Wario made his way through the jungle, eventually coming across a lake. In the middle of this lake was a house with a banana or two. All this walking made Wario's 300 pound nuclear reactor hungry so he went to the house to grab the bananas. As he picked one up to eat one, Donkey Kong appeared from the corner.Wario dropped the bananas in shock at the size of the ape in front of him. Holy shit was it giant... and worse, pissed off.Donkey Kong beat his chest and roared before looking at Wario as if issuing a fight. Wario, however, was still in shock.
Donkey Kong rushed forward to punch the little troll man out of the jungle but Wario snapped out of it and dodged before shoulder bashing DK in the dong, causing him to grunt out. Wario punches DK's leg to make him fall, unintentionally causing the ape to fall on him. DK smashes Wario in the face repeatedly, causing the wooden dock to splinter. Wario falls through and is almost eaten by a Klaptrap, but escapes by running away on the water. DK roars and chases.
Wario turns to see the ape giving chase and he turns into Sparky Wario and then he proceeds to snipe at DK from afar. DK is hit multiple times but the attacks do nothing for Wario, who is grabbed and thrown into a tree, causing Wario to lose the power up. DK runs to Wario again and this time punches Wario through the tree, causing it to snap in half. As Wario flies off to a rock wall, DK grabs the top end of the tree and chucks it after him.
Wario bounces off and gets up to see the tree flying right to him and winds up a punch, hitting it back at DK, who ran to follow up. The tree hits DK and Wario, who pulls the Wario Bike from nowhere, follows up, attempting to run over the ape. Luckily, Rambi the Rhino was in its crate next to DK, and DK got onto Rambi and charged.
Wario who was laughing the whole way, stopped when he saw DK charging towards him on Rambi. Wario immediately swerves and makes a U-Turn, heading back the way he came. Wario stands up on his bike and turns into Arty Wario, and he drops a box in front of him. This is useless as Rambi headbutts the box into Wario, who almost falls off the bike and loses his power up.
Wario goes back to steering and he swerves in and out of treelines, trying to shake the rhino and ape duo, as he accidentally drives over a gorge, while covering his eyes, and sticks the landing, albeit his bike breaking. Wario sighs with relief as he turns to see DK rocketing towards him, as DK had just used a Blast Barrel. Wario runs out of the way to avoid being landed on and DK crashes onto the bike, causing it to explode, stunning him. Wario shoulder bashes DK down into the gorge, which has a river in the middle of it, and laughs before turning around to face a pissed off Rambi. Wario is headbutted into the gorge as well.
DK lands on a giant log floating down the river while Wario lands on another one to the left of it. DK roars and takes out his coconut gun and shoots multiple homing coconuts at Wario, who burns them down with his Dragon Wario power-up and punches one back at DK, who grunts and tosses the gun itself at Wario, who gets hit and almost stumbles off the log. DK jumps over and slams on the log, standing upright over Wario. Wario, who lost the power up, looks up at the ape and nervously laughs. DK winds up his punch and unleashes it on Wario, who disappeared.
DK slammed the log and roared, looking around for the troll man he wanted to kill. That's when Wario flew in from nowhere and punched DK in the face. DK stumbled a but and went to grab wario but Wario dodged and grabbed DK's arm and flew down river with him, causing DK to roar out and try to hit Wario, but Wario kept slamming him into rocks each time he tried that.
They eventually end back up at DK's home and htey crash land into water after DK finally punched Wario. Wario goes straight into Captain Wario and fires missiles at the ape, who punch them back. After a while of dodging, Wario is blown into DK's home by a missile, and the ape follows. Wario lands and coughs before tkaing out some garlic and eating it. DK jumps up to Wario and punches him through the dock, and Wario hands on with a few fingers. Klaptraps begin to gather underneath him.
DK beats his chest in triumph and slams his hand down on Wario's fingers, causing him to scream and fall. But suddenly, Wario farts and he bursts through the hole, killing the Klaptraps and punching DK on his way out, causing the ape to gain a confused look as to what just happened. Wario lands in the cloud of gas and DK, on the other side of the platform, grunts in confusion and coughs.
From DK's perspective, nothing can be seen until a boxing glove hits him in the stomach and knocks him down into the water, screaming as he goes down. DK surfaces and takes a breath, looking around and begins to climb when a Klaptrap surfaces and latches onto him, beginning to pull him under. DK roars as he is pulled under and a pool of blood rises to the surface. Wario climbs to the top of DK's house and does his victory pose. At that moment, however, the Klaptrap that took DK under returns to the surface with the ape in its mouth, seemingly, DK tastes like fart.
Wiz: Due to how large DK is, this battle seemed as if it would play out how a real life encounter with an eight foot gorilla would be, but comparing stats, Wario is the victor.
Boomstick: DK's dealt enough force to a moon that would result in a country falling apart, but Wario TANKED enough force to destroy a moon.
Wiz: DK has dodged arrows and can punch quickly enough to ignite hydrogen in the air, but at the same time, Wario outpaced the Shake King who flew across the world at hypersonic speeds.
Boomstick: When it comes to intelligence, they're mostly even, but since Wario has been shown able to devise plans that usually work, intelligence goes to Wario.
Wiz: Arsenal also goes to Wario as the pool is much bigger and he has more dangerous tools, such as the Wario Waft and Genius Wario.
Boomstick: I guess that you can say that DK took "eat shit" to a whole new level.Wiz: The winner is Wario.